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Question for divorcee

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I have never been married but it is something that I have always wanted and hate seeing people f up something sacred so I really want to know what happened? Besides cheating of course. These questions are for non cheaters and non cheated

Was the love gone? Were the two of you unwilling to compromise? Were there always warning signs that something was off but you Ignored them? Was it abuse? Did you feel displaced by society telling you to disregard gender roles and everyone became frustrated?

I'm just trying to figure out why so many people go through the ceremony to only give up.
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by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 8:55 PM
Replies (11-20):
Alisvolat
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 10:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh my....so many things.....

My ex...aside from being a cheater...which I looked past SEVERAL times...

Did drugs, spent all our money on drugs and strippers...I mean he made $2k a week and we were constantly getting payday loans...he was abusive, emotionally and physically,....and he treated our oldest child like he wasn't his....which he is...and he has no reason to suspect he isn't

Basically....he's satan....and I couldn't stay married to satan....lol
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Chellie13
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 10:16 PM

His addictions to coccaine and alcohol.  He drank like everyone else, but over time became part of the problem, when I realized he was an alcoholic.  The coccaine use came after our first was born.  He blamed it on her "crying too much" that he "couldn't handle it".  Yep, he blamed a baby for snorting coke.

 

RoseBud93
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 10:24 PM

I am starting to think being married is more trouble then it is a good thing... I have always wanted to get married :/ I was engaged to the father of my daughter, until he kicked ME out [one week before finding out i was pregnant]for catching him cheating, plus he was an alcoholic, mentally abusive and just plain self absorbed. even right NOW he was like "I want to marry you, i love you.. you cant honestly think id just make a baby with you and leave." then a week later "My depression and anxiety are bad, I need to focus on myself, idk what i want anymore"... i have chronic depression and anxiety, plus im postpartum right now AND have a newborn ... boy do i wish i could 'focus on myself' but thats just ajoke. 

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

alc4evermom
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 10:45 PM
Oh dear yeah glad you found out now rather than later


Quoting RoseBud93:

I am starting to think being married is more trouble then it is a good thing... I have always wanted to get married :/ I was engaged to the father of my daughter, until he kicked ME out [one week before finding out i was pregnant]for catching him cheating, plus he was an alcoholic, mentally abusive and just plain self absorbed. even right NOW he was like "I want to marry you, i love you.. you cant honestly think id just make a baby with you and leave." then a week later "My depression and anxiety are bad, I need to focus on myself, idk what i want anymore"... i have chronic depression and anxiety, plus im postpartum right now AND have a newborn ... boy do i wish i could 'focus on myself' but thats just ajoke. 


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Robsessed98
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 10:53 PM
#1 failed because we were too young (17) and really only did it because a few of our friends did and it just seemed like the thing to do. It only lasted a few months but we've stayed friends. We didnt have a kid together. #2 failed because I somehow missed the fact that he was an abusive, narcissistic control freak with no personality until after we were married with a baby. I stayed a couple of years longer than I wanted to for financial reasons only. Hopefully #3 will last...
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alc4evermom
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 11:04 PM
I keep reading a lot about warning signs women either are ignoring or maybe just don't see. I am someone who used to chronically date narcissistic controlling men. My last boyfriend was scary crazy controlling. He was the most serious one, and yeah they seem to lack a genuine personality and are paranoid and delusional. But I figure I wouldn't appreciate the one I am with now as much. I feed that guy like a king lol


Quoting Robsessed98:

#1 failed because we were too young (17) and really only did it because a few of our friends did and it just seemed like the thing to do. It only lasted a few months but we've stayed friends. We didnt have a kid together. #2 failed because I somehow missed the fact that he was an abusive, narcissistic control freak with no personality until after we were married with a baby. I stayed a couple of years longer than I wanted to for financial reasons only. Hopefully #3 will last...

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strngenough
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 11:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Why the divorce rate used to be so low; women were considered property of their father and then their husband, in Australia a woman needs her husbands permission to get a loan/credit card, women used to not be allowed to own property, women who divorced were shunned, single mothers were shunned, unwed women who got pregnant were shipped to church run "homes for unwed mothers" where their children were stolen http://jezebel.com/5896835/church-spent-decades-stealing-or-coercing-babies-from-unwed-mothers, Equal pay act went through in 1963 but women still make 25% less on average, marital rape wasn't prosecuted in the us until the 1970's, spousal abuse was more accepted. The things that kept us together was accepting living like a lower class.
Jealousy over a woman's career ends marriages that's for sure. Emotional and mental abuse is finally being taught to woman as unacceptable. I get that this post may be out of curiosity, but I don't like the accusation. I don't know if most men have ever taking marriage really serious, but women getting fed up with being taking advantage of and treated poorly has added to the divorce rate, and so it should. I think there should be more of a focus on the sanctity of treating people right instead of you never walk away from a marriage.

My first husband actually threw that in my face. After he beat me and I filed for divorce he said, "you say your religious. What would your G-d say about you divorcing me."
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Robsessed98
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:08 AM
I have no clue why or how I missed all the flags I know were there. I definitely wasnt blinded by love. Just a blind and dense phase I was going through I guess. I can sure spot the signs now though.

Quoting alc4evermom:

I keep reading a lot about warning signs women either are ignoring or maybe just don't see. I am someone who used to chronically date narcissistic controlling men. My last boyfriend was scary crazy controlling. He was the most serious one, and yeah they seem to lack a genuine personality and are paranoid and delusional. But I figure I wouldn't appreciate the one I am with now as much. I feed that guy like a king lol




Quoting Robsessed98:

#1 failed because we were too young (17) and really only did it because a few of our friends did and it just seemed like the thing to do. It only lasted a few months but we've stayed friends. We didnt have a kid together. #2 failed because I somehow missed the fact that he was an abusive, narcissistic control freak with no personality until after we were married with a baby. I stayed a couple of years longer than I wanted to for financial reasons only. Hopefully #3 will last...

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hargonagain
by Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:19 AM
I was married 7 years and fought like hell to keep my marriage together through a raging drug addiction. I finally figured out that we would always do the same thing...fight, I would leave, he would swear to change, I come back, it starts over. I finally just said no more and we are both better off for it.
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cupcakeluv_333
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:01 AM

well what r the signs?! mine is controlling. we're not married yet. im trying to tell myself its not that bad..... but I'm scared hes gonna turn psycho lol o.O

Quoting Robsessed98:

I have no clue why or how I missed all the flags I know were there. I definitely wasnt blinded by love. Just a blind and dense phase I was going through I guess. I can sure spot the signs now though.

Quoting alc4evermom:

I keep reading a lot about warning signs women either are ignoring or maybe just don't see. I am someone who used to chronically date narcissistic controlling men. My last boyfriend was scary crazy controlling. He was the most serious one, and yeah they seem to lack a genuine personality and are paranoid and delusional. But I figure I wouldn't appreciate the one I am with now as much. I feed that guy like a king lol




Quoting Robsessed98:

#1 failed because we were too young (17) and really only did it because a few of our friends did and it just seemed like the thing to do. It only lasted a few months but we've stayed friends. We didnt have a kid together. #2 failed because I somehow missed the fact that he was an abusive, narcissistic control freak with no personality until after we were married with a baby. I stayed a couple of years longer than I wanted to for financial reasons only. Hopefully #3 will last...


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