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does anyone here have family that just doesnt have a clue how hard and overwhelming it is to be a single parent?

Posted by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:32 AM
  • 42 Replies

I get so frustrated with my own family not understanding what i go through everyday.  I have been a single parent for 12 years, I have my 13 year old and my baby that just turned 2.  I have too much going on seems like,  I am working but barely making ends meet, my parents offer to help me out financially and they have but emotionally they think im fine.  My siblings have their own life and seem like they judge me for having another child out of wedlock.  I have one friend who I can depend on for help, but other than her, it seems like to each his own.  My father is in stage 4 and that is soooooo hard for me and my oldest, I visit often but everyone else is always toooo busy.  I feel  the rest of the family doesnt visit him that often(I think its because they know I will) but i  just feel overwhelmed and its hard.  I was wondering if anyone else feels this way, maybe we could talk? People that dont even know me that well ask me how I get through these times and I know it's my heavenly father that is carrying me through these tough times.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mrsary
by Silver Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:37 AM
Yes! I have a sister who thinks she knows what I go through cause she was a single parent at one time. I have 3 kids she has 1. I lived hundreds of miles from family she lives right there w them. Big differences!
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needhope
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:44 AM

My situation is somewhat different, I was married for 21 yrs, got divorced, then my ex died 9 months later, I am an only child, both parents gone, SO, LOL, I guess my point is, my extended family that I was close with growing up, but less communication over the years. After my mom died 12 years ago they have passively excluded me and my kids, ex.. never been invited to family, I was being treated like a long lost relative. 

SO  I decided in the last year or so to move forward and live my life without them, I feel much better, but yes I can totally relate as far a not having any family support, I feel your pain sister!

 

Single mom  lesbians

We judge others by their worst actions, but ourselves by our best intentions

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Nov. 13, 2012 at 9:33 AM
My moms wears she knows because my dad left when I was 16. She's retired I can't attend my sons school function on Thursday I asked if she would she said she had an exercise class so she can't and that he's 2 he won't remember!!!
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DDDaysh
by Silver Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:23 AM
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My parents have been married for more than 30-years.  No one else in my family has ever really been a single parent, so I think alot of times they just don't really get it.  The things they sometimes think are hard, really aren't that big a deal.  

I do have alot of family who have spouses who are firefighters and have to do all the "running" and stuff on their own alot.  I think that makes them think they understand what single parenting is all about.  And to be fair, their lives aren't easy.  The running around is tough and I only have one kid.  With 3 or 4 it would be harder.  

BUT - that's not the hardest part of being a single parent.  The hardest part, at least for me, is simply not being able to share my son, not just the responsibilities, but the good parts too.  It's hard to not have someone to help you think of new ideas when he's come home with his third note from school in a week and you just can't figure out how to make his brain click.  It's just as hard when he does something amazing and there's no one around who is just as proud of him as you are.  

But...  we get through.  All in all, it's not so bad, and my family does care.  They just don't understand.  

arimaur
by Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:32 AM

 yup.  my sis and bro talked to me when they figured out that i was a single mom (i kept it on the dl), they told me that they wouldn't let my parents know (they are huge worry worms and not in the best health to be worrying).  they said that they would help me out financially if i ever needed it.  i thanked them and said it was great that i was able to count on them.  well...emotionally, i think the tiled wall in my shower does more comforting when i break down.  i would rather have my bro and sis there for me when i break down that have them help me make ends meet.  i'm not one to ask for help or show that im hurting, but neither are they, but i always manage to pick up on their emotions and offer my shoulder to cry on.  sometimes i daydream about me yelling and screaming and crying and telling them how broken i am inside.  i too have a really good friend who i count on for anything, i know that she will drop what she is doing to come help me out or just keep me company, and even then I try not to bother her too much cuz i know she's busy.

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justahousewife
by Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:17 AM

It's hard to find a little empathy when they haven't been through it. My mom has been a single mom in the past but she always just dumped us kids off on my aunt or my dad. I'm kind of in your situation because my aunt (who has been more of a parent then my mom) is having health issues. My aunt has always been the only person I could talk to about anything, while she doesn't always understand she always listens to my vents so it's something. The scariest thing is knowing she won't be around for long and I will have no one to even vent to. I've been lucky enough that my ex-SO has remained a friend that I can confide in but it's not the same. I can't talk about dating with him either, lol I'm pretty sure if I found a new bf/so he would be gone too. 


Robsessed98
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:23 AM
I was always fortunate enough to have an understanding family, but know some that dont. This group should be alot of support for you.
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MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:25 AM
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Yes there's a few and those people I pay very little to no attention. I don't have time for people's bullshit family or not.
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deltathree
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:33 AM

yeppers - sure do!  Hang in there - hugs.

hayrodgers
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:36 PM

I am blessed to not be in that position. But I have had to fight with my family about my choices and stuggles about different things. I can tell you, it helps to talk it out with them. Not in anger or anything, but let them know you are under stressed and you need them. If they are still "buttheads", then that is their issue. At least you know you have tried.

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