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does anyone here have family that just doesnt have a clue how hard and overwhelming it is to be a single parent?

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I get so frustrated with my own family not understanding what i go through everyday.  I have been a single parent for 12 years, I have my 13 year old and my baby that just turned 2.  I have too much going on seems like,  I am working but barely making ends meet, my parents offer to help me out financially and they have but emotionally they think im fine.  My siblings have their own life and seem like they judge me for having another child out of wedlock.  I have one friend who I can depend on for help, but other than her, it seems like to each his own.  My father is in stage 4 and that is soooooo hard for me and my oldest, I visit often but everyone else is always toooo busy.  I feel  the rest of the family doesnt visit him that often(I think its because they know I will) but i  just feel overwhelmed and its hard.  I was wondering if anyone else feels this way, maybe we could talk? People that dont even know me that well ask me how I get through these times and I know it's my heavenly father that is carrying me through these tough times.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:32 AM
Replies (11-20):
strongerwtime
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:07 PM

yeah all they see is you alwyas making it work somehow...so they dont really give it a second thought.  Its not fair you are always visiting when they could too...you have a busy life too...if not more since its just one of you.  

Honestly, even though they are family, if they dont know and you havent verbalized how tough it is..they wont get it..if you have and they still dont get it then at least you know how selfish they are and wont have the expectation.  But I would liek to beleive that they are just oblivious because they just dont know your life like you do on a day to day basis.

And yes it is your heavenly father carrying you...I do think the others can help carry this load with your dad better than they are.  YOu may have to initiate a schedule.  And along with that let them know that "hey guys, Im overloaded...I need you guys to pitch in more"...

They cant be any busier than you.

HalleyEricaMom
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:18 AM
1 mom liked this

I am in your situation too - I have no family in state and even when my mother fly in she is too busy listening the the radio or completing a croos word puzzle - she can even prepare a meal. After 5 yrs of flying her up for holidays , hoping she would be an engaged grand parent - I have given up. This means we will be spending holidays just my daughter and myself. - I would have hoped my family would have supported ( emotionally) us -  but reality is they can't or dont want to.

It's hard I know - my daughter is 5 and I love her to pieces - but I have no social life - I work full time and feel so guilty that she is in before and after care at school- on the weekend I just try to have fun with her.  No dad in the picture so its just me  24/ 7  -  so yes I understand over whelmed .. I have to beleive there is a bigger plan..

alicia9804
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:51 AM

yep same here... most of my family has only been married once and has stayed that way i have one aunt who says she knows and understands what i am going threw cuase she was a single mom but she is on her 4th husband and i dont ever remeber not seeing her liveing on er own without a man liveing with her and i have an unce who did raise one of his sons somewhat on his own he had my grandparents the same with my other aunts and uncles and anytime they needed anything they could go to them. Im not as lucky i can go see my family and all they keep saying is it will get better and you will find a guy that will help take care of you and the kids but when it comes to needing to talk to someone or if i could really use a nite to myself i get told we never had a babysitter so we could get som time alone ( but i remember things very diffrently). now i live about a hour an a half from my family and i have to call them or visit them ( unless theres an emergancy) and my kids dad travels for work and only sees them mayb a week or 2 out of the year and thats a day or 2 hear and there threw out the year and his family has never liked me so none of them have ever been a part in my kids lives and friends well i do have one but she is also married her husband has retired from the military now so they are getting the very much needed family time they had missed out on so i try not to bother them to much. It sucks but i keep hopeing that it will all work out for the best..... your not alone ad if you ever need to talk to can messange me anytime :) *hugs*

ICURNMOM
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this

I would love to talk sometime. I am a single mother x ten years and it is not easy. Like you my family does not have a clue. I do okay financially so they expect me to help them. send me an email and I give you my # siuenursing@gmail.com.

 

Hang in there!

roxmom202
by Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 6:56 PM

they dont get it, your right they just see that i am getting by so........

txcountrymomof2
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:10 PM
I know what u mean. I became a single parent a year ago. My husband (my 2 kids father) passed away a year ago. No one understands how hard it is when u r taking care of 2 kids plus trying to go to college. My father is adament that u get a job too. But i cant do that when i get little to no help from n e one. I have a long history with medical problems with my family. Alot of people ask how i hold it together. I tell them that not only my kids need me to be strong and i have done alot of praying over the last 4 yrs. I struggle with being a single mom at times. Sometimes i have no one to talk to when i have these struggles. I have only one friend i know i can depend on when she is not working. She is a single mom too. Take it day by day and have enough faith u can make it. That is how i get thru it
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PandorasWorld
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 3:13 PM

i would say keep your head up. but you know what, your head is up everyday. and for those that are not in your shoes will always say something that is completely out of context. we all get tired of being heard. the problem is that nobody is listening anymore. my mom constantly tells me how,when,and according to her standards how to punish my children. my oldest is causing tension, but to her g-ma all the pressure is on her shoulders. so that love is very iffy. being mentally tired is a very crazy feeling. everything feels like a cartoon bubble of thoughts and thats is hard to separate reality from everything else. i am here for you just like the other moms. if it were for this site i would probably be in a psych ward. and i still feel like they need to prepare a bed for me anyway.

tyfry7496
by Janet on Nov. 17, 2012 at 3:46 PM
Not necessarily being a single mom, they just insist I have no child to support because I get child support and my cousin doesn't. Duh !! I get $50 a week IF he pays it and unlike my cousin I don't have a husband now who helps support my child. I am told that in an idiot and shouldn't complain because I have no one to support or raise. Really? Last I checked I still have a child.

Another reason I rarely speak to anyone in my family.
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raegan1221
by Raegan on Nov. 17, 2012 at 3:48 PM

 Honestly, I am glad that my family doesn't understand because I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I am proud that I can do it alone but the things I went through that got me here aren't good. But I do completely understand the frustrations of family not understanding. Hang in there.

raegan1221
by Raegan on Nov. 17, 2012 at 3:49 PM

 What? $50 a week? That's bs. Just because we get child support doesn't mean we have no children to support lol. It helps but there's still A LOT more that goes into support a child. Sorry your family is like that!

Quoting tyfry7496:

Not necessarily being a single mom, they just insist I have no child to support because I get child support and my cousin doesn't. Duh !! I get $50 a week IF he pays it and unlike my cousin I don't have a husband now who helps support my child. I am told that in an idiot and shouldn't complain because I have no one to support or raise. Really? Last I checked I still have a child.

Another reason I rarely speak to anyone in my family.

 

Faith, Hope & Love "I Will Have Faith in YOU, Hope For YOU To Come Home To Me & Love YOU More Every Day".
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