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hi, i'm new to this single mom thing...really need support right now

Posted by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:19 AM
  • 9 Replies

hi everyone, i'm angie. i'm 31 and just recently split with my husband of almost 10 years. we have four kids who are 12, 10, 8, and 3. the split was a long time coming, my husband is an addict-prescription painkillers. i've tried to work with him on this issue-but things just continually got worse. i finally got up enough nerve to ask him to leave-which he did-fairly peacefully too.

so, here i am trying to juggle work, school, and kids and while i'm truly happy with my decision-i'm overwhelmed. i feel as if a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. right now, i don't have any plans of getting back together with him, but he feels differently. he calls me all day long-and texts when he isn't calling. he says he's getting help to get clean and he'll be back for me and the kids. i tell him that i don't want that right now, but he keeps bringing it up. i've told him i can't promise him anything, and honestly right now i don't even love him.

i've tried telling him i need space and that when he calls to talk to the kids i won't talk to him, but as soon as he gets our daughter on the phone he asks her to put me on. i don't want to put my daughter in the middle of it so i reluctanly get on the phone, where i end up feeling bad about myself and my decision once i finally hang up with him.

i have amazing friends and family who have stepped up to help me with the kids and my housework while i get our new life routine settled, but i still feel overwhelmed. and, at night, i feel so lonely. how do i process all of these feelings? any support or advice is greatly appreciated!

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:19 AM
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by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 10:29 AM
*hugs* I haven't been in your position, but I can imagine that it's quite the adjustment. I hope he cleans up and gets back on track. Just keep keepin on!
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by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:49 AM
Tell him to leave you alone and let you sort things out for awhile. Quit answering his calls and texts. Let the children talk to him of course but you only need to talk to him about them right now. Tell him talk is only words. He has to prove by action that hes getting clean and staying that way. Thats something only he can do and doesnt need you with him to do it.
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by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:49 PM

Welcome to our group! 

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:42 PM

Its a tough transition after being together for so many years.  I am in a similar situation, but only have one child and still feel overwhelmed by all the changes.  The nights are the hardest.  I wish there was a solution for that, but I just don't think there really is.  I too had to stop answering my husbands calls and texts.  It is sooo hard to ignore him, but I have to do whats best for me and my son.  Good luck and feel free to PM me for support.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 1:47 PM

I'm no longer a single mom, but was for 4 years with my oldest daughter.  First of all, time really does heal.  You will feel better, get stronger and acclimate to your "new" life... it just takes a little time.  As far as your husband, firmly tell him you need your space then quit answering his calls/texts.  Let the kids speak to them, and talk with him about the kids if need be, but refuse to talk to him about the two of you. 

I wish you the best of luck.  You will get through this.  I'm glad you have family and friends to help support you.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 2:27 PM

I would say file for legal separation. also, try a local support group for newly single moms.

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 3:48 PM
I completely understand what your going through i am also new here , been struggling at night a friend said buy a body pillow, melatonin its a natural herbal sleeping pill . Trust me it worked ,
Just stay strong for your self,kids continue to let the kids communicate w their father and when he trys to get one of the kids to get you to try to talk to him just say "thank you" and hang up. They don't need to know you don't want to speak to him or even say " your busy later".
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by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 6:12 PM

Welcome.  So glad you found us!!

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 9:14 PM

 thank you ladies!

i'm not answering his texts (and there are a ton of them!) and i'm trying to stay off the phone he calls. i honestly feel good about my decision, i know it was the right thing for me and the kids. i do get lonely-these past couple nights have been really bad for me.

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