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Help please!!!

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 9:36 AM
  • 10 Replies

Okay I just need someone to vent to. I'm 21 with 2 small children ages 1 and 3. I have been very irresponsible i know but I'm trying to get my life back on track. i'm living with my mother. Thank God! she is letting me live here, I am thankful for that. but the thing is I'm struggling here. Iam trying to work, i'm in the TANF work Program an they will be helping me get a job soon. I'm also in a nursing aid class, I'm praying i graduate when the time comes. I'm not receiving any food stamps because i'm living in the house with my mother an in the state of Mississippi you have to be 22 years or older to apply for food stamps and my mom doesn't get any because her income is supposedly above the average to get any because she works. I just don't know what to do. i'm miserable and i feel like my life is going down hill. my kids dads are not in their lives by their own choice. i am cooperating with child support even though i haven't received anything. I don't even think my kids will have a thanksgiving dinner this year because of my situation. I hate this for my kids an I really feel terrible about myself that i'm putiing them threw these struggles. I wish i was a better mom, does anybody else feel like this?

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 9:36 AM
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by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 10:02 AM
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I think mothers struggle with how they think they should be and how their life is. Life can always be better but it could always be worse to. I have come to realize that. I am 33 with 3 kids (always been single) my kids are 14 yr-d, 8 yr-s & 4 yr-s. My parents have helped me out from time to time and I have also moved back to their home. We can only work, go to school/finish our degree, make sure our kids are happy, healthy and go to school themselves when school age.

Writing in a journal may help with some feelings you have. If/when you can rent the movie or get the book Eat, pray, love.

Good Luck...

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 10:17 AM
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Every mom goes thru feeling that they aren't doing right by there children but I think the most important thing for you to remember is that you are doing to something to change your situation, you are working hard to get there, and you should also take some comfort in knowing that since your children are so young they will not remember these struggles, children tend to hang on to the good memories so make sure you tell them you love them often, hug them, kiss them, just be there for them in the way you can be right now and that will be enough for them. Just remember that hard time do pass and you are on the way to making a path to better times. 

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 10:37 AM
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You are living with your mom and providing for your children - you are attending school and bettering yourself and your situation.  So, you ARE doing good.  How is your life going down hill?  You are doing the best to take care of your kids.  Just because you are living with your mom you think that's a bad thing?  Your mom's home is your home, too.  You are family and so are your kids.  Keep cooperating with child support services and get that cs for your kids.  Why won't your kids have a Thanksgiving dinner?  Your mom is supporting a home for you and your kids.  You will have a wonderful Thanksgiving day and meal with the ones you love.  That's what Thanksgiving is all about.  Your kids are too young to understand what is truly going on.  They are happy.  That's all that matters.  So what if you are all living with grandma. You have a good place for them to be right now.  Continue with your studies and keep going after that cs for your kids.  Soon you will graduate with a nursing degree.   That's something you will be proud of and so will your kids. 

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:43 AM
Stay strong you're not alone. Lots of moms are in a similar situation as you...
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by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 12:05 PM

You're in a sticky situation. You recognize you haven't been very responsible which is a great thing. Now you need to concentrate on the positive aspects. If you keep telling yourself you're going downhill then you will do just that. Be ok with your living situation for now, be ok with where you're at in life. Make some small goals. Work hard at school and take full advantage of the work program. Go find some church food banks in the meantime. A lot of churches will have Thanksgiving type stuff to hand out. Go for it. A lot of little grocery stores will have deals where you buy a turkey and get a whole bunch of side dishes for free. My local grocery store does that. I can get a whole Thanksgiving dinner for about $15. 

Don't beat yourself up any longer. Find some confidence and cherish the time you have with the LO because they'll grow up fast and you'll regret not appreciating this time more. Really. 

Hang in there! :-)

by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:11 PM


by Ruby Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 6:10 PM

 you are already taking steps to better yourself by taking the classes. stick with them.

there are plenty of charities that can give you a complete thanksgiving dinner. im not sure of names but look around. i know my sons school brought me a complete dinner once and also a christmas tree and i didnt even ask, the school secretary just called me and asked me if i needed it!

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 9:47 PM
All you can do is the best you can do. Keep training for your nursing and you will make a decent income once you graduate. The struggle will be worth it. Take the kids to a community Thanksgiving dinner.
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by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 10:13 PM
Thanksgiving is not about the food. I remember a christmas where all we got was rides in the wheelbarrow. We loved it!!
Remember things take time. Soon you will be 26 and everything will be different. You are taking the steps to better your life, you cant expect it to happen overnight though. I always keep on mind that it doesnt matter how long it takes to get there, all that matters is that you get there.
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by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 10:18 PM

We all struggled at one time.... I think it's harder when you have two small children and you're so young. You acknowledge that you made your mistakes, you're taking action, you're not just sitting around doing nothing! I applaud you for that!

Stop feeling like a bad mom, you're not. You're a struggling single mom. We've all been there. I'm an engaged mom and I still struggle with things.

Before my DF and I got together I struggled just like you, school, FS, welfare, work, taking care of two kids, their school, child support, holidays, visitation, etc. One sperm donor saying I was a unfit and the other saying he didn't want shit to do with his kid. I've been there, done that. Don't beat yourself up. 2 steps back and 10 steps forward.... DO NOT let yourself fall and not get up. Once your knees hit that ground, pull yourself back up and say "I have to do this, I will do this, I'm going to do this!"

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