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Christmas Drama

Posted by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:17 AM
  • 21 Replies

So I have sole custody he has access. Never married. So our agreement states he gets access aka visitation during tuesday and thursday while I am at work. Everything else is up to me.

I started allowing him to take her Monday overnight until my work end on Tuesdays. This week I switched it to Tuesday overnight to Wednesday at my work day end. Because last week he ditched my kid at his girlfriend apartment to go play in a bar band and claimed Tues would be easier. In a few weeks I start a new job and he will now have to actually drive to go get my daughter for his access days. He plans to get het at 10 am from the preschool. 

We have battled a lot about holidays. He DOES NOT celebrate holidays and is anti religious. Tonight he emailed me that he can take my daughter Christmas Eve overnight and bring her back to me for noon on Christmas Day. This is not my plans. I do not have to give him holidays like that, after all it would be better to have her in a home with a tree and family for the holiday. Not to mention we had thought of going to Mass at church with singing and everything. I know he will start a big fight when I tell him no.

Grrrrrr just venting!

How do you all handle holiday drama?

EDIT: ADDED INFO: To clarify, he DOES NOT spend the holidays with his family. They don't do holidays. In fact his parents spend 6 months of winter in Mexico which means they miss all the major winter holidays and incidentally all their grandchildren's birthdays. His only other family is his sister and she lives 6 hours away over the snowy mountains and she doesn't come down here and he doesn't go up there. So he has never celebrated Christmas or Thanksgiving etc. 

To me Christmas is about the whole deal, tree, decorations, big family dinner... it means A LOT to me. I feel like he just wants to take that from me out of spite.

Again our agreement leaves everything up to me to decide. There are no set plans for holidays because he didn't care and didn't want anything set down legally like that in the agreement. 

by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sid1083
by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:48 AM
I'm not sure why the tree is super significant here or why it would really be any big deal if there wasn't one. Maybe just ask him what his plans are stating your usual routine for the holidays. You never know, he may change his mind as the time gets closer. But if he's wanting to take the child to spend time with his family, your excuse of "the holidays are for family" works in his favor as well...
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Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Nov. 17, 2012 at 5:53 AM
Ours is spelled out in divorce papers.
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Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 8:52 AM

We have our holidays spelled out.

My son alternates between our houses.  This year, he went to his dad's yesterday and will be there until 2PM on Thanksgiving Day.  I get him at 2PM and have him the rest of Thanksgiving Break.

Then at Christmas, I get him the day school gets out and have him until 2PM on Christmas Day.  Then he goes with his dad from 2PM Christmas Day until school starts back.

It's sort of a pain this way but it's really about as fair as it can get.

3_and_me
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:14 AM
We have an agreement made off what our families do for major holidays. I get Christmas eve, church in the evening, a party with close friends & family then the kids go to bed. In the am we do gifts and breakfast. Then he will pick them up at 10am. They will be with his side for the rest of the day. We each get to observe our family traditions, grandparents and other family members don't miss out. Its good for all.
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ChgIsGood2012
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:24 AM

OOH! Holiday drama. My anxiety likes to creep thinking about this. Over the years, it has gotten easier, but it takes letting some people have it and knowing that holidays are just a handful of days in a year, and you celebrate life with your child more than anyone else does! So, in my life, the father's family likes to celebrate Christmas real big. My son has been spending Christmas with the father's family since he was born, so I decided to let them have it until something changes. I like Christmas, but they go all out with the bells and whistles; me, on the other hand, I'd rather go out and help someone or just relax and enjoy the day off. So, I prefer to have Thanksgiving. And this year, I plan on it being like that. My son's bday is the day after Thanksgiving, and I'm off of work, so I think it's only fair. For years, it used to bother me. But it does take communication and some compromise at the same time. Times like this just make me say "Why couldn't we just make it work!!???"

SweetlilM
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:00 PM
1 mom liked this
We do it the same way every year he has them on Christmas eve. I have them on Christmas day.
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Barblicious
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:28 PM

This is what I want. I grew up with divorced parents and I always got two Christmas days one on Eve with dad's family one on Christmas Day with mom's family.

Quoting SweetlilM:

We do it the same way every year he has them on Christmas eve. I have them on Christmas day.


Barblicious
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:33 PM

I will add this to the details above but

To clarify, he DOES NOT spend the holidays with his family. They don't do holidays. In fact his parents spend 6 months of winter in Mexico which means they miss all the major winter holidays and incidentally all the grandchildren's birthdays. His only other family is his sister and she lives 6 hours away over the snowy mountains and she doesn't come down here and he doesn't go up there. So he has never celebrated Christmas or Thanksgiving etc. 

To me Christmas is about the whole deal, tree, decorations, big family dinner... it means A LOT to me. I feel like he just wants to take that from me out of spite.

Again our agreement leaves everything up to me to decide. There are no set plans for holidays because he didn't care and didn't want anything set down legally like that in the agreement. 

Quoting sid1083:

I'm not sure why the tree is super significant here or why it would really be any big deal if there wasn't one. Maybe just ask him what his plans are stating your usual routine for the holidays. You never know, he may change his mind as the time gets closer. But if he's wanting to take the child to spend time with his family, your excuse of "the holidays are for family" works in his favor as well...


brieri
by Platinum Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 5:57 PM

 I had a custody order, but it always fell through, he got them every year because he would always take me back to court. 

tyfry7496
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Even it he doesn't celebrate or spend it with his family, his daughter IS family and they should spend part of the holiday together. They are FAMILY. You said yourself that the holidays are about family, why not let her spend Christmas Eve with her father? In the end, you are only denying her time with her father. And that's not right.
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