Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms
The very next day the ex came back I thought he was a goner....

Anyone know the song? So backstory is at 11weeks prego my husband said "I don't want to do this" and left. I'm 19 weeks now. About two weeks ago he wanted back and we have been talking. I would love to say I reviewed everything he's done to me and said hell no. Instead I said ok. He is a little different and hopefully that only continues. He is still deployed, so I don't have to deal with him every day. I make it sound horrible and unwanted, but I'm actually just afraid to get my hopes up.

I am trying to be smart. In fl if we had gotten divorced I would have made out VERY well. We will be moving to nc and if we get divorced then I will be screwed. The difference in child support is about $1500/m. So, I am making him sign a postnuptial agreement that would let me at least get what I'd get now. Thoughts? And do I have to leave the group?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 5:22 PM
Replies (11-18):
steviechick
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:26 AM
1 mom liked this

My ex was active duty and persued a co-worker behind my back.  He is National Guard.  We were married for 23 years when he decided to cheat on me.  He fathered two kids with this bimbo, too, within one year.  He's an E-5, a total financial loser and 53 years old.  She's 37.  It makes me ill just thinking about what they did behind my back.  Military guys like my ex with a low-level ranking are losers.  Do what is best for your son.  Get that divorce.  I wouldn't even try counseling.  Get that cs set-up, too.  Your stbx is in the military.  Go to your stbx's unit and speak to his CO or legal aid.  They can get you all the info for support.  The military does take care of their families - even the wives (and in my case ex-wives) of their soldiers. 

michiganmom5150
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:37 AM
If he has all those other kids, you won't get that much in cs. They have to leave him enough to live on.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
victoriahearts
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:44 AM

You don't have to leave the group. And the postnuptial agreement sounds like a great idea, it's always best to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I really hope that things can work out for you if that is what is best for you and your child and also what you want.

Shaybay218
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:49 PM

Good luck on whatever you decide...

sophiesister2
by Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:53 PM
I think its smart of u to plan for the future


Quoting strngenough:

Because I don't trust him. Because he's never done anything to make me. I'm just afraid that if he walked out later down the road I wouldn't be able to take care of my son. I let my security Clearance lapse when I followed him to fl. That dropped my earning potential by 30k. Also, when we found out I was pregnant I lost my job and he was excited about it. He wants me to be a sahm. In fl I'd get 2k/m in childsupport. That is more than enough to cover daycare and everything needed, but in nc with the same figures it came out to close to $500/m. I just don't want my kid to hurt and grow up poor like I did, because I gave the dad another chance. We've done couples counciling, he's been doing counciling alone, he had to go to classes for men who are abusive. He is doing better so far, but I've seen the cycle up and down. Id be moving in July. Do I just give him a time limit? How do you give someone another chance and still make sure your ok? If it was just me that's fine. I'd chalk this up to bad luck/decision and go rebuild my life. I'd leave without a penny and a couple pieces of furniture, but he isn't involved with his other kids, so I don't trust him to follow through with this.



Yes, should have never dated him, should have never married him, should have stayed on bc. I get this is my fault.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
HyperMom38
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 1:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you know that he is bad for you and the post nuptual agreement is just an attempt to hedge your bet.  IMO, just move on.  Marriage is based on trust and you have none for him.  I'm not bashing you- I'm just pointing out what you have already said.  you also said he was in classes for being abusive and you have seen him cycle up and down.  That is concerning because you need to ask yourself if you want to risk your child being exposed to seeing you abused or to being abused his or herself.  You say he is not interested in his other children.  He is what he is, you cannot change him.  Sometimes being alone is better than being with someone who makes your life hell. Sorry hun- not trying to be mean- just truthfull.  I've been there and done it.

Quoting strngenough:

Because I don't trust him. Because he's never done anything to make me. I'm just afraid that if he walked out later down the road I wouldn't be able to take care of my son. I let my security Clearance lapse when I followed him to fl. That dropped my earning potential by 30k. Also, when we found out I was pregnant I lost my job and he was excited about it. He wants me to be a sahm. In fl I'd get 2k/m in childsupport. That is more than enough to cover daycare and everything needed, but in nc with the same figures it came out to close to $500/m. I just don't want my kid to hurt and grow up poor like I did, because I gave the dad another chance. We've done couples counciling, he's been doing counciling alone, he had to go to classes for men who are abusive. He is doing better so far, but I've seen the cycle up and down. Id be moving in July. Do I just give him a time limit? How do you give someone another chance and still make sure your ok? If it was just me that's fine. I'd chalk this up to bad luck/decision and go rebuild my life. I'd leave without a penny and a couple pieces of furniture, but he isn't involved with his other kids, so I don't trust him to follow through with this.

Yes, should have never dated him, should have never married him, should have stayed on bc. I get this is my fault.


easinpc
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 1:39 PM

Hugs!

strngenough
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 2:33 PM
Thank you everyone. Some wise words. Just wish the heart would speak quieter so logic could prevail. Seriously thank you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN