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So upset...

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 7:14 PM
  • 10 Replies

 I posted previously about my mom moving in her new internet bf after two weeks.  I know alot of you told me that I was too involved in her relationship.  I'm just so upset I don't know what to do.  From the last post, I said she moved him in.  I told her prior to that, that I didn't want him to meet my DD until I did.  I also told her that I didn't feel comfortable meeting him because I wanted to give him a fair chance.  Fast forward until the night she is supposed to watch my DD.  She texts me while I"m in school and tells me that "J" is here too.  I was so angry.  I thought I made it clear what I wanted and she was going to respect them.  When I walked in the door they both put their heads down because they knew how mad I was.  I was polite and respectful, and I called her the next day to discuss it.  She flipped her lid.  Told me that I was a crappy mom (not worded like that, but made her point well) and I told her she could watch my DD but not with him around.  She screamed and told me that I was taking her grandaughter away.  We fought for two days and now its just awkward.  I don't have anything to say to her.  My brother finally found out and he texted me and was enraged.  He is so angry with her and even more so when I told her what happened with me, her and the new bf.  I talked to him and his wife today and they told me that during a phone conversation that she had on speaker with her new bf she told them "I don't care who likes what I'm doing, I've made my decision, and if anyone doesn't like it, I don't need them.  I just need him.  I love him and we are happy together."  This hurts my feelings incredibily.  The only person she needs is him??  I knew she picked her guys over my brother in the past, but this is the first time she's done it to me.  It is devastating.  I texted her yesterday, she got back to me today, and I called her tonight and she just isn't answering the phone.  I am at a loss.  I feel like trash she just set out on the curb.  SHe told my sister in law that they were going on a trip in the next few weeks.  Thats why I called her..she was planning on watching my DD and I need to find alternative arrangements anyways, but I wanted to confirm that she wasn't helping me anymore.  I don't know if I'm looking for advice so much as just wanting to vent. 

by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 7:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
easinpc
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 7:16 PM

Hugs!

Lovelyt27
by Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 1:41 AM

You should probably just let her be....clearly she is doing what makes her happy, and even if its for the moment, try to be happy for her, now with the kids, she should respect that but just try to let her be....you guys are all adults and family....don't let emotions take control of what is important .....and thats your mom!

soaringflutes
by Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 2:03 AM

We don't always get what we want or need from our parents, and hopefully that teaches us something when we become parents.  I'm glad you don't want your child around your mother's "new man."  I think that is very smart and prudent of you. 

strngenough
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 7:41 AM
My dad has an evil gf. When I was 19 she made him call and tell me he can't talk to me anymore, because Betty doesn't think it's a good idea. I'm an adult. I get to live my life. I don't know the loneliness my dad suffered. So I figured I could have my dad in my life and him be lonely or he could be happy and not in my life. Your an adult. Let your mom live her life. Meet the guy and try to get to know him. I do agree with the babysitting part if you don't trust your mom to look out for your daughters best interest.
My dad and I are talking now and he is excited to have a grandson. One of my rules is that Betty, his gf, is not to be left alone with my son. I don't think I'll let him go with them for overnights, but I can't shun my dad for not wanting to be alone; even if I do wish a lot better for him.
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LilAsMom526
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 7:42 AM
I think you were protecting your daughter like a good parent. Let thing settle down before you try talk to your mom again or just let her contact you. with your moms new boyfriend it's her choice. As much as you don't like it. You can try giving him a chance thats up to you. But your mom definitely needs to respect your choice with your daughter. HUGS! I hope you and your mom work things out.
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Shaybay218
by Shayla on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:39 PM

*hugs*

MommyAJ2921
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 9:00 PM

WOW..

alc4evermom
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:00 PM

that sucks---I remember when you posted about that before!!!!  That's really scary.  I wouldn't be comfortable with a stranger around my kid at all.  You don't know his whole story.  it's possible that perhaps he's not dangerous but the fact that he moved in so soon means he's probably not that independant---where was he living before he moved in?  What does he do for a living?  You don't have to answer but naturally after reading that I'm interested!!!!  If he was a respectful person, he would respect your wishes about not wanting him around your daughter---the fact that he knew this and hung around anyway is a violation of boundries.  He's trying to see how far he can go and what you will do in reaction----be strong like you are now and don't stand for it.  It's the little things like that, that are warning signs.  Ugh!!!!!

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:20 AM

hugs mama vent away

strongerwtime
by Silver Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 10:23 AM

 understandable you are upset because of your moms choices..and understandable you areupset over your duahgter being around him and you notknowing him...

You can make your own decisions about you feel is best for your daughter, if you really feel that being around your moms bf is notgood.  No one can tell you how to feel. 

Your mom is an adult though...and I thnkher reaction stems from feeling just as much ostrasized as you feel....we cant tell her who to love and how soon or not she shouldmove someone in...clearly you and others in the fam dont like it....but itssomething that doesnt look like is going to change. 

No, it wasnt right of her to say what she said...I garantee you she did not mean it...she was feeling hurt too.  So not sticking up for her to say that everything she does is right....

You guys need to talk about how each of your actions and reactions made each of you feel.  Find a compromise and move on.

regarding your comment about how your mom chose men over your brother and how it had never affected you until now...that's telling of how you pretty much know your mom to do similar things liek this as far as her choice in relationships go. 

Are you really saying that the only issue here is that she moved someone in and you havnet met him first...or that you are really feelingexcluded from her life because of her choice to be in a relationship and move the guy in?

You say you wanted to give him a chance first before he met your daughter.....well it may be a little backwards...but you can still try and get to know him.

I personally would be cautious for my own sake if I met someone and moved them in that soon...and maybe your mom is already having these concerns..but she sure wont share those with you the more on the outs you are...this will actually push her into defense mode...even if there could be legitimate reasons for her to really evaluate her situation.

It sounds liek your mom helps you out alot with your daughter....it sounds liek there is no way for that to happen if you are sure you dont want your daughter around your moms new man...she doesnt have much choice other than respect your wishes...but this means that you will have to find someone else to help you with your daughter.

You two really need to talk.

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