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Breaking the news to your child * UPDATED SINCE WE TOLD HER*

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:45 AM
  • 13 Replies

My husband and I are seperating, literally as I type this. It's all very new. I am going to be with my family for Thanksgiving, they live 3.5 hours away. Normally we would all make this trip together, but this year he decided to stay in Chicago and be with his family. However, we have yet to tell our DD, who is 6, that he wont be coming with on this trip. Can any of you give me some tips on how to very carefully tell our DD that Mommy and Daddy will not be together for this holiday? I am lost and dont want to break her heart, but I have always been honest with her and I dont want that to stop now. I would appreciate any insite into this!! Thanks.

UPDATE:

We spoke to her last night, she shed a couple tears, and then moved on. We both looked at each other wondering if it really could have gone over that smoothly. We simply told her Daddy would be spending the holiday with his family, but that he had some special surprises planned when she got back and that seemed to be okay with her. I am proud of how well she handled that and how well my STBX did. Frankly, he offered me a lot of comfort and support last night and I can't imagine that was easy. Thank you all for your advice, it is truly appreciated!

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AprilH06
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:57 AM

BUMP

steviechick
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:05 AM
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Since she is only six years old I'm sure the best and easiest way to tell your DD is to simply say that mommy and daddy are having separate holidays this year.  That you both love your DD but just can't be together anymore.  I would try and see if your stbx can take her out for dinner after you get back from your holiday.  That way he can spend time with her and ask how her day went.  Just be as open as you can be and answer any and all questions about your upcoming divorce.  Six year olds seem to understand a lot about things.  I know it will be hard on her not seeing her mom and dad together like always.  But, within time she will adjust to her new life.

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:12 AM
Not sure. My kids were a newborn and 2 when I went through it.
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iHay
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:16 AM
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I would say that daddy cant come this year and save the divorce stuff for after thanksgiving.
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AprilH06
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:19 AM

She is very smart, and we have very good communication with her. My STBX plans to take her out after I get back and get our Christmas tree and see a movie. I think right now I am just going to only talk about Thanksgiving. I dont want to overwhelm her by giving her all the info at once. This is so hard, I feel like I have to break her heart.

amomynous_j
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:25 AM

i think you should wait til after the trip to tell her that you are separating

simply tell her daddy wants to stay behind and visit whoever he's visiting.

you don't need her emotional and confused while you're on a trip. =)

KRIZZ25
by Platinum Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:26 AM
dont saying any thing till she sayes something..
victoriahearts
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:57 AM

Sorry about your divorce but like you said just take one thing at a time and keep it simple. Just tell her that this year Thanksgiving is going to be different instead of mommy and daddy taking her to your family's house, daddy wants to spend sometime with his family but that you and her are still taking a wonderful adventure to your family for Thanksgiving but that she will get to see daddy after your return to have an extra special day, get her excited about going on the trip and also about her big day with her daddy, this takes the focus off your soon to be ex not going with you this year.

brieri
by Platinum Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:50 PM

 HI and welcome to the group.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:57 PM

 are you and he civil? if so, can you both sit her down and let her know? its best if you guys can do this as civilly as possible. i would def do it legal but id try to compromise and agree on as much as possible rather than try to nail his balls to the wall. it will make things go easier for your child.

good luck. she will be sad but if you guys can do this with minimal fighting, it will go a lot more smoothly for her.

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