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Am I Opening up a can of worms? Child Support Yeigh or Neigh....?

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 10:45 PM
  • 30 Replies

Hi folks, 

I am so glad I joined this group! My situation that I need some advice on is that I am wondering should I take my son's father for child support. All I ever asked him was to pay the tuition when I paid the sitter when my son was younger. He's 14 now. before when we both made around the same amount we went half on tuition. But now due to the economy I had to take a lower paying job and now he makes more than half of what I make yearly. so I asked him to pay more of the tuition 70/30 split which was fair. he also has tuition reiumbursement from his job and is now telling me he can't afford it??  he has a new baby now and has a family whom he lives with and his new baby momma  has another son from a previous relationship whom my son's father takes good care of. He takes so much better care of that family then his son. I sat back for 3 years and watched him do this and my own child has come back (now a teenager) and told me stuff along with mutual friends.  so we've been arguing for months now because he tells me the he can't afford it anymore and won't pay. I know eventually he will pay because he usually does at the last minute when the school is threatening to kick my child out. The thing is we share time almost joint and hes under his medical only my dental and my son is under his father's cell plan. being that he paid tuition in the past and is not necssarily a deadbeat. I'm wondering should I open up a can of worms? It's so much more convulated then this. Please ask any questions you need and give any advice you can.  I would so appreciate it. 

Has anybody been in a similar situation?

Thanks!

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 10:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tyfry7496
by Janet on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:41 PM
2 moms liked this
File!!! It doesn't matter if he has more kids, he still needs to he responsible for your child.
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strngenough
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:46 PM
If he usually comes through I'd wait and see. The court date would take awhile anyways. He might just be having problems in his "happy home." if the payment comes past due then go for it and ask for an emergency or temp hearing on it as changing schools would be a huge deal to your sons life.
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Toshi92
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 7:34 AM
Yes exactly. And I'm keeping my son in that school. I am between both of your responses but I'm waiting a bit. The thing is if your job is giving you reimbursemnet twice a year how could you tell me you can't afford it?? Thanks to both of you ladies!
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craemom
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:08 AM
1 mom liked this

i think you should! a lot of my guy friends said they don't care if its only 10  dollars a month it adds up and your child can use it when they get older. I don't think fathers understand it cost a lot to take of a child. no matter if they pay 500 hundred a month it will never be enough so every little bit you get will help you take care of your son. Life is expensive!

strongerwtime
by Silver Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:33 AM
2 moms liked this

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....

You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..

I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 

A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.

If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

strongerwtime
by Silver Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:36 AM

 and maybe I missed some info in reading....I was stuck on the tuition part.

but if he has been lying overall about his income..I would certainly report that....

tyfry7496
by Janet on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes, a judge can order it. I know many parents that its written into their child support or custody documents. A judge can order anything they want.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....


You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..


I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 


A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.


If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

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strongerwtime
by Silver Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:53 AM

 Right exactly...its written into their child support order...that makes sense...parents that write it in are obligated to that order....and I agree a judge can enforce that...

In her instance...there isnt anything ordered that obligates him to pay...is where I was going with it. 

Quoting tyfry7496:

Yes, a judge can order it. I know many parents that its written into their child support or custody documents. A judge can order anything they want.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....


You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..


I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 


A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.


If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

 

strongerwtime
by Silver Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 9:02 AM

 ok just thought about something else...is it possible that in her case because this routine has already been established that a judge can order him to pay tuition? 

I was just thinking about the fact that they both say they cant afford it....whether he is truthful about it is a whole other story....

Quoting tyfry7496:

Yes, a judge can order it. I know many parents that its written into their child support or custody documents. A judge can order anything they want.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....


You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..


I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 


A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.


If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

 

victoriahearts
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 10:52 AM
2 moms liked this

I have been on pretty good terms with my ex when it comes to child support but I made sure that we had something in writting and it was filled with the courts here so if he ever wanted to change it , we would have both agree and re file with the courts and this is the reason to always have something legally bidding. I'm not sure how it works in other states but here a mother is given 17% of the father salary for child support so if he making more you get more. I would have a conversation if you can with and explain that even though you understand that his situation has changed with a new baby and all, your situation has changed and they two of you still share a child, you would like to reach an agreement that works for both but if the two of you can't then you will file and let the courts decide what they think is fair for both of you. Also you can file for your ex to have to keep your son on his medical plan but it may decrease what you get in child support. I say make everything legal it maybe hard and a pain now but it will be better for you in the long run.

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