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Am I Opening up a can of worms? Child Support Yeigh or Neigh....?

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Hi folks, 

I am so glad I joined this group! My situation that I need some advice on is that I am wondering should I take my son's father for child support. All I ever asked him was to pay the tuition when I paid the sitter when my son was younger. He's 14 now. before when we both made around the same amount we went half on tuition. But now due to the economy I had to take a lower paying job and now he makes more than half of what I make yearly. so I asked him to pay more of the tuition 70/30 split which was fair. he also has tuition reiumbursement from his job and is now telling me he can't afford it??  he has a new baby now and has a family whom he lives with and his new baby momma  has another son from a previous relationship whom my son's father takes good care of. He takes so much better care of that family then his son. I sat back for 3 years and watched him do this and my own child has come back (now a teenager) and told me stuff along with mutual friends.  so we've been arguing for months now because he tells me the he can't afford it anymore and won't pay. I know eventually he will pay because he usually does at the last minute when the school is threatening to kick my child out. The thing is we share time almost joint and hes under his medical only my dental and my son is under his father's cell plan. being that he paid tuition in the past and is not necssarily a deadbeat. I'm wondering should I open up a can of worms? It's so much more convulated then this. Please ask any questions you need and give any advice you can.  I would so appreciate it. 

Has anybody been in a similar situation?

Thanks!

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 10:45 PM
Replies (11-20):
victoriahearts
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 10:59 AM

Maybe I'm reading it wrong but from what I understand he only slipt the tuition bill with her and has him on his medical plan, so there really isn't a  child support payment he makes. If that is the case she should take him to court an file for child support and what she does what that money is her business as a father he obligated to pay it while he has the means to it.

And as long as both parties agree and have it in written a judge can force a parent to pay for private school. My agreement with my ex is that he is responsible for our son's tuition at private school so long as we both agree on the school

Quoting strongerwtime:

 ok just thought about something else...is it possible that in her case because this routine has already been established that a judge can order him to pay tuition? 

I was just thinking about the fact that they both say they cant afford it....whether he is truthful about it is a whole other story....

Quoting tyfry7496:

Yes, a judge can order it. I know many parents that its written into their child support or custody documents. A judge can order anything they want.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....


You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..


I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 


A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.


If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

 


HyperMom38
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:11 AM


My understanding is that you both have to agree on the school that your son goes to.  As long as he agrees to the school (and he has already set a precedent that he does by paying the tuition in the past) the courts will set up an equitable split based on your incomes (in certain states, in other states tuition and child care are all rolled into the child support payment).  Good luck!

sthflachk
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:15 AM
Actually....because my exbf always paid for our DD's daycare since she was 5mths he had to continue paying it once we went to court when she was almost 3. It's in our co...I get tuition plus cs.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....


You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..


I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 


A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.


If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
brieri
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:36 AM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

It's sad to hear about fathers who don't want to take care of their children they help bring into this world whether previous or in new relationships.

HeartofGold
by Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:40 AM

 No, she cannot make him pay for private school tuition but she can make him pay child support by getting an order in place :).

OP, I would start the process of getting court ordered child support put into place.

If your ex determined he could afford the responsibility of other children and a spouse then he sure enough can afford to continue taking care of his child he has with you.

It really frustrates me when people choose to have more children, support other peoples children, take on a new spouse, etc at the expense of their children who were here before all these new people.

My ex has been doing this very thing. Now that he has 3 more people to take care of he says he can't afford certain things for our son. I don't let him get away with that one.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....

You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..

I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 

A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.

If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

 

strongerwtime
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:43 AM

 gotcha! yes that makes sense.  Are you talking about daycare or tuition?  thats my confusion. Or is this (depending on where you are from) all the same in some states?

I understand the whole daycare expense .....its the "tuition" expense that often throws me in cases like this.

I guess the point is that whatever it is...whether a day care expense or a tuition expense.....if parents can verbally agree to it...and are practicing it outside a court order...I can see now how a judge could carry this out in a written order.

Quoting sthflachk:

Actually....because my exbf always paid for our DD's daycare since she was 5mths he had to continue paying it once we went to court when she was almost 3. It's in our co...I get tuition plus cs.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....


You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..


I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 


A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.


If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

 

strongerwtime
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

 very good point! Im with you...she may come out better just getting an order in place and just use what she gets togo towards the tuition...of course if the judge doesnt see fit to order him to pay tuition specifically. 

Quoting HeartofGold:

 No, she cannot make him pay for private school tuition but she can make him pay child support by getting an order in place :).

OP, I would start the process of getting court ordered child support put into place.

If your ex determined he could afford the responsibility of other children and a spouse then he sure enough can afford to continue taking care of his child he has with you.

It really frustrates me when people choose to have more children, support other peoples children, take on a new spouse, etc at the expense of their children who were here before all these new people.

My ex has been doing this very thing. Now that he has 3 more people to take care of he says he can't afford certain things for our son. I don't let him get away with that one.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....

You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..

I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 

A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.

If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

 

 

strongerwtime
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 12:02 PM

 I think thats where she will possibly have a bump in the road...because they are NOT in agreement at all concerning tuition...if they both walk in to court both claiming to not be able to afford tuition..the most logical solution that may be suggested by the courts is "have you considered public school?"....would a judge actually order EITHER of them to pay tuition if both parites "cannot afford it"?

But she still can seek a more consistent system in terms of some kid of support....but consideration also has to be taken into account that they both share him jointly...I dont know how equal this time is but this does affect any monthly amount ordered.  Additionaly he already covers their son medically. Though the monthly amount ordered may not be a million...I agree...moving forward with having an order in place could at least give her something to help keep her son in that school if that is the school she is set on him attending. I can understand not wanting to mess up his routine.

Quoting victoriahearts:

Maybe I'm reading it wrong but from what I understand he only slipt the tuition bill with her and has him on his medical plan, so there really isn't a  child support payment he makes. If that is the case she should take him to court an file for child support and what she does what that money is her business as a father he obligated to pay it while he has the means to it.

And as long as both parties agree and have it in written a judge can force a parent to pay for private school. My agreement with my ex is that he is responsible for our son's tuition at private school so long as we both agree on the school

Quoting strongerwtime:

 ok just thought about something else...is it possible that in her case because this routine has already been established that a judge can order him to pay tuition? 

I was just thinking about the fact that they both say they cant afford it....whether he is truthful about it is a whole other story....

Quoting tyfry7496:

Yes, a judge can order it. I know many parents that its written into their child support or custody documents. A judge can order anything they want.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....


You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..


I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 


A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.


If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

 

 

 

victoriahearts
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 12:07 PM

I agree the judge may say send him to public school, but I also think the judge would say I want to see proof of income from both of them. As well if they do share him 50/50 then it would change things but I think for her sake she need to get this on file and in writing.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 I think thats where she will possibly have a bump in the road...because they are NOT in agreement at all concerning tuition...if they both walk in to court both claiming to not be able to afford tuition..the most logical solution that may be suggested by the courts is "have you considered public school?"....would a judge actually order EITHER of them to pay tuition if both parites "cannot afford it"?

But she still can seek a more consistent system in terms of some kid of support....but consideration also has to be taken into account that they both share him jointly...I dont know how equal this time is but this does affect any monthly amount ordered.  Additionaly he already covers their son medically. Though the monthly amount ordered may not be a million...I agree...moving forward with having an order in place could at least give her something to help keep her son in that school if that is the school she is set on him attending. I can understand not wanting to mess up his routine.

Quoting victoriahearts:

Maybe I'm reading it wrong but from what I understand he only slipt the tuition bill with her and has him on his medical plan, so there really isn't a  child support payment he makes. If that is the case she should take him to court an file for child support and what she does what that money is her business as a father he obligated to pay it while he has the means to it.

And as long as both parties agree and have it in written a judge can force a parent to pay for private school. My agreement with my ex is that he is responsible for our son's tuition at private school so long as we both agree on the school

Quoting strongerwtime:

 ok just thought about something else...is it possible that in her case because this routine has already been established that a judge can order him to pay tuition? 

I was just thinking about the fact that they both say they cant afford it....whether he is truthful about it is a whole other story....

Quoting tyfry7496:

Yes, a judge can order it. I know many parents that its written into their child support or custody documents. A judge can order anything they want.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....


You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..


I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 


A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.


If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

 


 


strongerwtime
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 12:09 PM

 You are right..all income should be brought to the table...and if daddy is hiding and lying about money...shame on him....

Quoting victoriahearts:

I agree the judge may say send him to public school, but I also think the judge would say I want to see proof of income from both of them. As well if they do share him 50/50 then it would change things but I think for her sake she need to get this on file and in writing.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 I think thats where she will possibly have a bump in the road...because they are NOT in agreement at all concerning tuition...if they both walk in to court both claiming to not be able to afford tuition..the most logical solution that may be suggested by the courts is "have you considered public school?"....would a judge actually order EITHER of them to pay tuition if both parites "cannot afford it"?

But she still can seek a more consistent system in terms of some kid of support....but consideration also has to be taken into account that they both share him jointly...I dont know how equal this time is but this does affect any monthly amount ordered.  Additionaly he already covers their son medically. Though the monthly amount ordered may not be a million...I agree...moving forward with having an order in place could at least give her something to help keep her son in that school if that is the school she is set on him attending. I can understand not wanting to mess up his routine.

Quoting victoriahearts:

Maybe I'm reading it wrong but from what I understand he only slipt the tuition bill with her and has him on his medical plan, so there really isn't a  child support payment he makes. If that is the case she should take him to court an file for child support and what she does what that money is her business as a father he obligated to pay it while he has the means to it.

And as long as both parties agree and have it in written a judge can force a parent to pay for private school. My agreement with my ex is that he is responsible for our son's tuition at private school so long as we both agree on the school

Quoting strongerwtime:

 ok just thought about something else...is it possible that in her case because this routine has already been established that a judge can order him to pay tuition? 

I was just thinking about the fact that they both say they cant afford it....whether he is truthful about it is a whole other story....

Quoting tyfry7496:

Yes, a judge can order it. I know many parents that its written into their child support or custody documents. A judge can order anything they want.

Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....


You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..


I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 


A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.


If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

 

 

 

 

 

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