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Am I Opening up a can of worms? Child Support Yeigh or Neigh....?

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Hi folks, 

I am so glad I joined this group! My situation that I need some advice on is that I am wondering should I take my son's father for child support. All I ever asked him was to pay the tuition when I paid the sitter when my son was younger. He's 14 now. before when we both made around the same amount we went half on tuition. But now due to the economy I had to take a lower paying job and now he makes more than half of what I make yearly. so I asked him to pay more of the tuition 70/30 split which was fair. he also has tuition reiumbursement from his job and is now telling me he can't afford it??  he has a new baby now and has a family whom he lives with and his new baby momma  has another son from a previous relationship whom my son's father takes good care of. He takes so much better care of that family then his son. I sat back for 3 years and watched him do this and my own child has come back (now a teenager) and told me stuff along with mutual friends.  so we've been arguing for months now because he tells me the he can't afford it anymore and won't pay. I know eventually he will pay because he usually does at the last minute when the school is threatening to kick my child out. The thing is we share time almost joint and hes under his medical only my dental and my son is under his father's cell plan. being that he paid tuition in the past and is not necssarily a deadbeat. I'm wondering should I open up a can of worms? It's so much more convulated then this. Please ask any questions you need and give any advice you can.  I would so appreciate it. 

Has anybody been in a similar situation?

Thanks!

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 10:45 PM
Replies (21-30):
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Nov. 21, 2012 at 12:37 PM
Welcome! File!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sthflachk
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 12:53 PM
Well, before it was daycare but we moved her to a Montessori school so now its called tuition! If he hadn't agreed to the move he would still have had to pay for whatever we did agree on because he always has. I could never afford either on my own. He makes 4x what I do. I'm lucky though....he wants her to have the best care and education and doesn't mind paying it. Especially cause it gets cheaper the older she gets!

Quoting strongerwtime:

 gotcha! yes that makes sense.  Are you talking about daycare or tuition?  thats my confusion. Or is this (depending on where you are from) all the same in some states?


I understand the whole daycare expense .....its the "tuition" expense that often throws me in cases like this.


I guess the point is that whatever it is...whether a day care expense or a tuition expense.....if parents can verbally agree to it...and are practicing it outside a court order...I can see now how a judge could carry this out in a written order.


Quoting sthflachk:

Actually....because my exbf always paid for our DD's daycare since she was 5mths he had to continue paying it once we went to court when she was almost 3. It's in our co...I get tuition plus cs.


Quoting strongerwtime:


 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....



You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..



I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 



A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.



If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
strongerwtime
by Silver Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 12:57 PM

this is good that he doesnt mind paying it :)

Quoting sthflachk:

Well, before it was daycare but we moved her to a Montessori school so now its called tuition! If he hadn't agreed to the move he would still have had to pay for whatever we did agree on because he always has. I could never afford either on my own. He makes 4x what I do. I'm lucky though....he wants her to have the best care and education and doesn't mind paying it. Especially cause it gets cheaper the older she gets!

Quoting strongerwtime:

 gotcha! yes that makes sense.  Are you talking about daycare or tuition?  thats my confusion. Or is this (depending on where you are from) all the same in some states?


I understand the whole daycare expense .....its the "tuition" expense that often throws me in cases like this.


I guess the point is that whatever it is...whether a day care expense or a tuition expense.....if parents can verbally agree to it...and are practicing it outside a court order...I can see now how a judge could carry this out in a written order.


Quoting sthflachk:

Actually....because my exbf always paid for our DD's daycare since she was 5mths he had to continue paying it once we went to court when she was almost 3. It's in our co...I get tuition plus cs.


Quoting strongerwtime:


 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....



You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..



I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 



A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.



If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.


 

 

sthflachk
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 1:01 PM
Yes, I am very lucky. I can't relate to most BM's on here cause he is such a responsible dad....just not a good match for us!

Quoting strongerwtime:

this is good that he doesnt mind paying it :)


Quoting sthflachk:

Well, before it was daycare but we moved her to a Montessori school so now its called tuition! If he hadn't agreed to the move he would still have had to pay for whatever we did agree on because he always has. I could never afford either on my own. He makes 4x what I do. I'm lucky though....he wants her to have the best care and education and doesn't mind paying it. Especially cause it gets cheaper the older she gets!



Quoting strongerwtime:


 gotcha! yes that makes sense.  Are you talking about daycare or tuition?  thats my confusion. Or is this (depending on where you are from) all the same in some states?



I understand the whole daycare expense .....its the "tuition" expense that often throws me in cases like this.



I guess the point is that whatever it is...whether a day care expense or a tuition expense.....if parents can verbally agree to it...and are practicing it outside a court order...I can see now how a judge could carry this out in a written order.



Quoting sthflachk:

Actually....because my exbf always paid for our DD's daycare since she was 5mths he had to continue paying it once we went to court when she was almost 3. It's in our co...I get tuition plus cs.



Quoting strongerwtime:



 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....




You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..




I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 




A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.




If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.



 


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BeachMommy07
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 6:00 PM

 

Quoting tyfry7496:

File!!! It doesn't matter if he has more kids, he still needs to he responsible for your child.

 This was my suggestion.


Robsessed98
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 7:04 PM
Absolutely file! You can also get back support for the 14 years he shouldve been paying. I let my oldest dds dad get by with just paying a few dollars literally. Right before she hit 18 I filed and settled with him for $13000 (shouldve been 3xs that but I was fine with the amount) and hes still making payments 6 years later.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 7:43 PM
Actualy a lot of judges won't force a ncp to pay tuition. Daycare is mandatory, a private school education is not.

It's possible since the precedent has been set, that height get ordered to pay part of it.


Quoting sthflachk:

Actually....because my exbf always paid for our DD's daycare since she was 5mths he had to continue paying it once we went to court when she was almost 3. It's in our co...I get tuition plus cs.



Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....



You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..



I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 



A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.



If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
sthflachk
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:25 PM
Yes, there is precedent. But my ex is not the type to withhold money if it benefits our dd so even if it hadn't been included he would have done it.

Quoting faerie75:

Actualy a lot of judges won't force a ncp to pay tuition. Daycare is mandatory, a private school education is not.



It's possible since the precedent has been set, that height get ordered to pay part of it.




Quoting sthflachk:

Actually....because my exbf always paid for our DD's daycare since she was 5mths he had to continue paying it once we went to court when she was almost 3. It's in our co...I get tuition plus cs.





Quoting strongerwtime:

 honestly...you can't make the other parent afford a private school tuition....if you cant afford it...and he cant afford it...then the simple solution is to look into public school....




You son is on his insurance and you pretty much have a even split on custody..Im telling you it is not worth it in this case..




I have been in this situation....it was MY choice to put my daughter in a pre school /private school setting for 2 days a week...it was within my OWN household budget that I could afford so I went for it.  However her dad wants to put her in a fulltime private school setting for 9 times more a month...claiming he will split the cost with me.  I said NO! I cannot afford it! and there is nothing legal he can legally do about it.  There is nothing in our parenting agreement that states that this is a requirement for us. 




A judge cannot MAKE a parent AFFORD tuition.  You can argue with his dad till you are blue in the face....it will not reslove anything.




If you are sure he will pay it anyways like you mentioned...then let it go and wait it out. I dont see going to child support being the answer here.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
michiganmom5150
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 5:08 AM
It may mess up your relationship! I had a friend whose husband's ex got mad and after 6 years of him paying her whatever, went and took him to court saying she would get more $. She did not , but they went back to when the child was born. She denied he paid her anything( he was a good dad). They worked it out b/c she EMT to jail on drug charges, kid was taken by the state, and the dad and my friend now have 100 % custody. Just depends on your situation.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Toshi92
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 12:56 PM

Hi Cafemoms and Happy Thanksgiving! 

Thank you so much for all your responses and support and opinions. You can tell this is on my mind heavy as I am checking for resonses on Turkey Day. I just wanted to add that I didnt see mentioned in the resonses (unless i mistakenly skipped over it) was that my son's father has tutiion Reimunbursement (i putthis in my post) from his job. So he gets whatever was paid to the school reimbursed back to him!  From what he says is that he only is able to get it twice a year. He can call the school get a letter of how much the bill is and his job will cut him a check. so whatever i'm paying he is getting reimubursed! An attorney told me "how could he then say he can't afford it?"  Also i have him my son one more night then he does but i guess its still almost joint? 


And to one of the Cafemoms, it';s true he has never paid CS-just tuition payments. ANd someone told me a judge may make him continue to do it since hes been doing since my kid was 2. 

Thats why I'm glad there are support groups like this one so you can get a glimpse of someone else's story because it can help! 

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