Holidays are Dreadful, I am starting to looking at them a different way these days...
Growing up, holidays have been carefree. I was raised by my mom, a single parent, and my dad wasn't in the picture much. I spent time with my dad's family, but not often. Christmas and Thanksgiving were at home, no worries. But now, I am a single parent, and I dread these times of the year. I drive SO much to take my son here and there so I can work, etc. My mom had my grandmother's help so mom could work and grandma raised us too. But at home, it's just me, so I have to drive to get my son somewhere. I have a neighbor who could babysit, but I don't dare ask her unless it's an emergency or only for a short time (like an hr or two).
So, I drive, around 35 min to take him to his paternal grandfather's house on Tuesday night b/c I had to work Wednesday. Then today, I go to pick him up so we can go to my dad's family house (the distance between those two places is about 15 min). But since my son was eating, and I needed to take rolls to my dad's house by 2:30 AND I was running late, I told my son I would be back. Now mind you whenever I go to his grandfather's house, I feel very uncomfortable. It's a nice house. Clean, etc. They are not necessarily mean to me. But it's not warm, I just don't like it. But my son love it.
So, I take the rolls to my dad's house. And then he starts telling me how things would have been good if I did what I was supposed to do (be on time). So I'm now irritated with him...so, I go to back to pick up my son, and my grandmother (who has Alzheimers) is riding with me. She's funny tho. And she said her riding in the car with me and listening to RAP (hahaha, that's her, not me!) made her so very happy. It helped my mood.
I go to get my son, and they are singing happy birthday to him (his bday is on 11/23) in the back room, while I'm in the front room, alone. It seemed like it took them FOREVER! We finally get back to my dad's family house and it was cool afterwards, but while I was at the paternal grandfather's house, my son's dad was there, and we barely speak. I thought we had a breakthrough about a month ago, where we were getting better, but I guess not. It's just hard. I get tired of driving back and forth. I know I shouldn't complain, and I want my son to enjoy the holidays just as I want to. But I realized something. Things have got to change. I need a little more help. I'm not too hot about my son riding the train, but I may have him ride the train to his grandfather's house if they won't come and pick him up.
I feel like this: I spend 85-90% of the year with him. Thanksgiving and Christmas are just ONE day each. One day. And my son is 12 years old, if he wants to spend it with his paternal family, that is fine by me. My family will just have to ask 'where is Tony?' because I need to be at peace. It is no longer fun and it hurts....
(This is just the surface, it's too much to type but I think yall get my point)