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Exs work schedule change

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:16 AM
  • 16 Replies
So my ex informs me yesterday that he got a promotion at work and will be moved to the night shift. Then he says "so you will have to work with me on visits". I didn't say anything. But I got to thinking and I don't know if I want to change the schedule at all. I mean, if he's working when he has the girls now, he just gets a sitter, so why would it be any different? Plus, he lives with his girlfriend so Idk why she can't just watch them while he works, if its at night, theyre just gonna be sleeping anyway. When he and I were married, he worked rotating shifts and some were overnight and if his other kids were here, I was in charge of keeping them occupied and quiet while he slept, why can't the new girlfriend do the same? They have a kid together too so its not like she would be giving up a bunch of free time that doesnt exist.
I mean, I work, I get a sitter, I don't think its fair that some of these part time dads think its a rule that if they are working then they don't have to put in their parent time as well. There have been times where I have been sick or had an emergency and he has refused to take them or help me out in any way.
Plus if I change the visit schedule thats going to mess with my sitter situation as well. My sitter won't be happy if she gets cut more days because he wants them during the week or whenever is convenient for him. I can't risk losing her, the girls love her and she's the only one I can afford around here.
I'm just conflicted on what to do. We haven't discussed it yet but hes picking them up tomorrow night and I have a feeling its going to come up.
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by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 6:11 AM
2 moms liked this
Just ask what he has in mind and then decide if it's reasonable or not. If you don't think it's in the best interest of the kids, tell him.
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Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Nov. 23, 2012 at 8:35 AM
See what he has in mind and go from there.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Nov. 23, 2012 at 9:41 AM
Agreed

Quoting Andrewsmom70:

Just ask what he has in mind and then decide if it's reasonable or not. If you don't think it's in the best interest of the kids, tell him.
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tyfry7496
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 12:03 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree but remember he can take you back to court for a modification in visitation. Seeing their father is best for the kids so cutting some slack may be best.

Quoting Andrewsmom70:

Just ask what he has in mind and then decide if it's reasonable or not. If you don't think it's in the best interest of the kids, tell him.
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strngenough
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 12:13 PM
Part time dad is what we are calling it now when you get primary custody? Then go to court and give him 50/50 part time solved.
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Stephd710
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 12:24 PM
He can't afford to.


Quoting tyfry7496:

I agree but remember he can take you back to court for a modification in visitation. Seeing their father is best for the kids so cutting some slack may be best.



Quoting Andrewsmom70:

Just ask what he has in mind and then decide if it's reasonable or not. If you don't think it's in the best interest of the kids, tell him.

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Stephd710
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 12:25 PM
He has 50/50 legal. He sees them 4 days a month, would you call that full time....or even half?


Quoting strngenough:

Part time dad is what we are calling it now when you get primary custody? Then go to court and give him 50/50 part time solved.

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strngenough
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 1:06 PM
So he's asking you to change one day a week?


Quoting Stephd710:

He has 50/50 legal. He sees them 4 days a month, would you call that full time....or even half?




Quoting strngenough:

Part time dad is what we are calling it now when you get primary custody? Then go to court and give him 50/50 part time solved.


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Stephd710
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 1:15 PM
No he's going to want me to change the entire visit schedule to suit him.


Quoting strngenough:

So he's asking you to change one day a week?




Quoting Stephd710:

He has 50/50 legal. He sees them 4 days a month, would you call that full time....or even half?






Quoting strngenough:

Part time dad is what we are calling it now when you get primary custody? Then go to court and give him 50/50 part time solved.



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REDFOXX1967
by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 1:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Don't know what state you are in but most judges are interested in the children's best interest.  Don't know your children's ages either, but most judges want a consistent, predictable, set schedule where everyone knows what to expect.  I have a ex that work rotating schedule with sometimes different days off every week depending on the quarter.  Judge still set a set schedule for my child.  Didn't want child to be bounced around because of exs schedule.  He had two choices.  Make the sacrifice and choose a more predictable schedule that better aligned with the court order or not see them to his next scheduled day.  In your case, since you don't mind them going even if he's working, he should still be able to get them according to you all original agreemen.  See what he suggests, but if it means the visitation is not predictable and the kids will be bounced around depending what he has going on in his life, I wouldn't change it.  Sounds like the original schedule just isn't "convenient " for him anymore. Maybe the girlfriend doesn't want to be responsible for his kids while he is working also..  Just make sure  the kids have a stable schedule and your life isn't compromised or constantly changing because of his lifestyle or personal choices.

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