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I wanna confront him

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 11:26 AM
  • 19 Replies
I don't know how to though. My son doesn't like to see his bd after he pinched him leaving a big bruise and continued pinching him when he wouldn't behave. So then later I found out when he was in the marines two years ago he went to jail for assault. I wanna tell him I know and I'm angry he would lie to me about something so serious and on top of that deny pinching my son. If he denies it my son will resent him forever. No apology, nothing. He's been an asshole about it too. I supervise visits every other week but last week lasted only an hour cuz my son wanted to only play with me. I want to take him to court and also have a grant from the judge that allows my parents to be his legal guardians if something ever happened to me. I don't want his dad having any custody. Idk where to start. He's the kind of guy who will argue and be manipulative. I also don't wanna risk losing child support because I'd be fucked and have to get groceries at the food bank. What to do? I'm sick of bottling up my anger to appease his ass.
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by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 11:26 AM
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 11:31 AM

Start off by getting an atty and having that atty set forth custody.  Since your the bd is being abusive and has a history of abuse use that to fight for custody.  Also, show the pinch marks to the atty.  He can grant a temporary 'stay' so your ex can't visit your son.  Then I would get cs set up ASAP.  You don't need to worry about feeding your son when the ex has to legally provide financial assistance.  Don't talk to the ex anymore.  Have your atty contact the ex through writing.  You can actually put a stop to any visitation once you seek an atty.  Your ex can't do squat.

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 11:36 AM
The problem is I can't afford and attorney. California is also very pro dad. We have a CS order, but he is no longer being garnished since he is out of the marines now. He has told me he didn't want to pay CS cuz he doesn't work but he gets VA benefits now and he has no trouble getting trashy tattoos and spending money at bars. I was going to talk to an attorney once I get my tax refund but it sucks cuz that's waiting a long time.

Quoting steviechick:

Start off by getting an atty and having that atty set forth custody.  Since your the bd is being abusive and has a history of abuse use that to fight for custody.  Also, show the pinch marks to the atty.  He can grant a temporary 'stay' so your ex can't visit your son.  Then I would get cs set up ASAP.  You don't need to worry about feeding your son when the ex has to legally provide financial assistance.  Don't talk to the ex anymore.  Have your atty contact the ex through writing.  You can actually put a stop to any visitation once you seek an atty.  Your ex can't do squat.

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steviechick
by Gold Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 11:43 AM


Quoting MeeshMom:

The problem is I can't afford and attorney. California is also very pro dad. We have a CS order, but he is no longer being garnished since he is out of the marines now. He has told me he didn't want to pay CS cuz he doesn't work but he gets VA benefits now and he has no trouble getting trashy tattoos and spending money at bars. I was going to talk to an attorney once I get my tax refund but it sucks cuz that's waiting a long time.

Quoting steviechick:

Start off by getting an atty and having that atty set forth custody.  Since your the bd is being abusive and has a history of abuse use that to fight for custody.  Also, show the pinch marks to the atty.  He can grant a temporary 'stay' so your ex can't visit your son.  Then I would get cs set up ASAP.  You don't need to worry about feeding your son when the ex has to legally provide financial assistance.  Don't talk to the ex anymore.  Have your atty contact the ex through writing.  You can actually put a stop to any visitation once you seek an atty.  Your ex can't do squat.


I would speak to the VA directly about the cs.  The military has to set-up payments to any dependents of vets.  SInce your ex is getting paid directly by the VA they have to set aside some of his pay for his kids. 

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 11:46 AM
I guess I'd have to figure out how to contact them. He also told me that I had to hand over my sons military ID cuz it's government property. I told him I had it locked up but I'd give it to him. He never mentioned it again and I didn't plan to give it to him anyway. It has my sons SSN and his on it. No way is he getting his paws on that.

Quoting steviechick:



Quoting MeeshMom:

The problem is I can't afford and attorney. California is also very pro dad. We have a CS order, but he is no longer being garnished since he is out of the marines now. He has told me he didn't want to pay CS cuz he doesn't work but he gets VA benefits now and he has no trouble getting trashy tattoos and spending money at bars. I was going to talk to an attorney once I get my tax refund but it sucks cuz that's waiting a long time.


Quoting steviechick:


Start off by getting an atty and having that atty set forth custody.  Since your the bd is being abusive and has a history of abuse use that to fight for custody.  Also, show the pinch marks to the atty.  He can grant a temporary 'stay' so your ex can't visit your son.  Then I would get cs set up ASAP.  You don't need to worry about feeding your son when the ex has to legally provide financial assistance.  Don't talk to the ex anymore.  Have your atty contact the ex through writing.  You can actually put a stop to any visitation once you seek an atty.  Your ex can't do squat.



I would speak to the VA directly about the cs.  The military has to set-up payments to any dependents of vets.  SInce your ex is getting paid directly by the VA they have to set aside some of his pay for his kids. 

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brieri
by Platinum Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 7:35 PM

 Probably best to talk to your parents about this issue.

Cenedra64
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 7:46 PM
Look up your local department of veterans affairs on the web. I had to do this. Ask for the address if you cant find it on the web. Then write requesting an apportionment of his check allotted for dependants. He cannot legally keep the dependants portion if hes claiming kids. My ex gets $600 a month claiming my kids. Send a copy of birth certificate..and divorce papers. It takes time tho. I filed in march got a letter last month saying itll take more time
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easinpc
by Gold Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 8:48 PM

Hugs!

steviechick
by Gold Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 11:24 AM


Quoting Cenedra64:

Look up your local department of veterans affairs on the web. I had to do this. Ask for the address if you cant find it on the web. Then write requesting an apportionment of his check allotted for dependants. He cannot legally keep the dependants portion if hes claiming kids. My ex gets $600 a month claiming my kids. Send a copy of birth certificate..and divorce papers. It takes time tho. I filed in march got a letter last month saying itll take more time


Excellent ideas!  I'm an ex-military wife.  Going through contempt of court charges (2nd) with my deadbeat ex.  He's currently an E-5 in the National Guard.  I will have garnishments on his NG pay and his state pay.  Military won't screw around with divorce settlements.  They are good that way - always looking out for the ex-wives and kids. 

One thing you might want to do is tell the ex bozo that the military ID card is NOT government property.  All dependents of military get an ID card and they get to keep them even if they expire.  I have mine and so does my DD.  In fact, mine expired last October.  Since I'm an ex I no longer get benefits.  However, my DD does until she is 22.  She just needs to get her ID renewed. 

victoriahearts
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 1:30 PM

Yup, I agree with the advice the ladies have given, it will take longer to get something from the government because they are always backed up but because your ex is receiving funds for the VA (government agency) you are always guranateed results.  Also if he is abusive then take him to court, he shouldn't have acess to his child if he can't be a responsible adult, no matter how pro -dad the state is, they can't avoid abuse charges, family court will always walk on the side of cautious when abuse allegations are entered.

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 1:51 PM
We were never married and he doesn't claim my kid for taxes.

Quoting Cenedra64:

Look up your local department of veterans affairs on the web. I had to do this. Ask for the address if you cant find it on the web. Then write requesting an apportionment of his check allotted for dependants. He cannot legally keep the dependants portion if hes claiming kids. My ex gets $600 a month claiming my kids. Send a copy of birth certificate..and divorce papers. It takes time tho. I filed in march got a letter last month saying itll take more time
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