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would like advice

Posted by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 2:45 AM
  • 10 Replies
Ive known my baby dad for 9 years, we were high school sweethearts. We now have a three year old daughter who lives with me and my family. Me and him havent been together for about two years cause we dont agree with eachother about life styles. He is actually living on the streets, just a city away and hes an alcoholic. He gets a hold of me on facebook about two or three times a week and calls from random numbers. In the beginning he was always there for me and hailey, but now he doesnt do much. He only sees her maybe once every two weeks, he has never bought her anything or given me money, except child support. He has made her bdays and holidays.. but.. ive been debating on just letting him be, not letting him see his kid cause hes barely around anyway and he doesnt do anything for her. He will never change, he drinks everyday, hes selfish and stubborn and im tired of giving in. What should i do??
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by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 2:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
steviechick
by Gold Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 11:03 AM

Don't give in anymore.  Since he can't be a father and get his life together, you can't control it nor should you even put up with it any longer.   I would definately block him on FB and block the numbers he used.  If he uses new numbers then disconnect the calls.  Sooner or later he will stop contacting you.  When he decides to get his life together then it's time to allow him to see his child.  I doubt he does. 

Momsince06
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 12:34 PM

Being an in and out parent is more harmful  to your child than not being there for them at all. My advice, until he gets his act together and can truly be there for his daughter, just let him be. Sure, she will have questions some day, and you won't know all the answers. But protecting your child is your single, most important responsibilty. Constanly exposing your child to someone who has perfected the disappearing act only adds to the emotional stress your daughter will feel as she gets older. Hang in there mama.

victoriahearts
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 1:05 PM

I would tell him that he really would have to get his act together if he wants to be in her life, that him being in and out of her life is truly hurting her more then he can imagine. 

Reina13
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 1:31 PM

I think this is excellent advice.

Good luck mama

Quoting Momsince06:

Being an in and out parent is more harmful  to your child than not being there for them at all. My advice, until he gets his act together and can truly be there for his daughter, just let him be. Sure, she will have questions some day, and you won't know all the answers. But protecting your child is your single, most important responsibilty. Constanly exposing your child to someone who has perfected the disappearing act only adds to the emotional stress your daughter will feel as she gets older. Hang in there mama.


brieri
by Platinum Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Oh wow!  HS sweethearts after 9 yrs of knowing each other, having a child together, but yet don't see eye to eye on things.  It happens.  You sound bitter towards him, but don't let it become between your daughter and him they need a relationship, so every ounze of time with him, is good  for her.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 7:50 PM

 disagree. both are painful but different types of pain completely.

one is the pain of abandonment.

one is the pain of not being a priority.

Quoting Momsince06:

Being an in and out parent is more harmful  to your child than not being there for them at all. My advice, until he gets his act together and can truly be there for his daughter, just let him be. Sure, she will have questions some day, and you won't know all the answers. But protecting your child is your single, most important responsibilty. Constanly exposing your child to someone who has perfected the disappearing act only adds to the emotional stress your daughter will feel as she gets older. Hang in there mama.

 

 
        
         

strngenough
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 8:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I would talk to a child psychologist about it. I mean he shows up to bdays and such. For a homeless alcoholic that is actually huge. He doesn't hit or abuse her and pays cs. I don't think it's good for her to cut all ties. A life time is a long time. He may get clean someday. A lot of people do. Having him just show up and then explaining "I was gone all those years because I was sick and your mommy didnt want me to see you." would suck. Kids tend to want to know their parents regardless.
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Zacknalexmom
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 8:42 PM
First off I would get a lawyer and have some legal papers done. I do not want my kids around their dad or anyone like that. In fact,it is court ordered that my kids dad has no visitation with them. Their dad is on drugs and has a violent temper. I don't want my kids around him like that. That's why I divorced him. He's a deadbeat and doesn't pay childsupport either. If you want your kids father in their life it's up to you. But I would make it clear he has to make a big complete life change. Quit drinking,get a job,get off the streets,man up and be responsible. If not then it's his loss. Kids need good role models. Kids learn and behave from watching their parents.

Quoting smaduska:

Ive known my baby dad for 9 years, we were high school sweethearts. We now have a three year old daughter who lives with me and my family. Me and him havent been together for about two years cause we dont agree with eachother about life styles. He is actually living on the streets, just a city away and hes an alcoholic. He gets a hold of me on facebook about two or three times a week and calls from random numbers. In the beginning he was always there for me and hailey, but now he doesnt do much. He only sees her maybe once every two weeks, he has never bought her anything or given me money, except child support. He has made her bdays and holidays.. but.. ive been debating on just letting him be, not letting him see his kid cause hes barely around anyway and he doesnt do anything for her. He will never change, he drinks everyday, hes selfish and stubborn and im tired of giving in. What should i do??
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Luv.My.Kidz
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 8:50 PM

Out of all of the advice I agree with this the most! Cutting him out is going to be more harm than good. He still comes and sees your daughter, he comes to her birthdays, he pays support. Even though he drinks, he tries. You and him OP may not see eye to eye, however he does try for your daughters sake to see her and spend time with her and that counts.

My kids sperm donors haven't done so much as contact my kids in 1 1/2 yrs for my oldest and 4 years for my youngest. All the do is pay the little bit of support and let my DF be Daddy. They don't call on birthdays, holidays or check up to see how they are doing in school. They don't care. It sounds to me that you are bitter that you two split up and trying to kick him away from his daughter when you don't have the right to. If he's good to your daughter you can't stop anything. Even the courts will say he has a right. All they will do is make him go through AA and off the streets.

Quoting brieri:

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Oh wow!  HS sweethearts after 9 yrs of knowing each other, having a child together, but yet don't see eye to eye on things.  It happens.  You sound bitter towards him, but don't let it become between your daughter and him they need a relationship, so every ounze of time with him, is good  for her.


Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have 120lbs to lose in 14 months....Can I do it by changing my diet and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


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smaduska
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 2:37 AM

thank you everyone for the advice! it really helps knowing im not alone. my problem has been the last 2 years is trying to be with him only to make our family work but thats not a good idea. at this point it seems like hes more focused on trying to be with me than think about his daughter. the streets are about important to him as i am he has told me. i do feel its best though to not have contact with him, or not let him talk to me. hes only around maybe twice a month to see his daughter, he hasnt paid child support in over a year with no job. he has warrents out too he needs to fix. his life and "family" are the streets and i can never change that. i cant support his life style and i have given in to him (money, food) too many times. when he has worked hes never asked if i need money or support fo his daughter. i think its best and less stressful for me and my daughter to keep him out of ours lives til he gets better.

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