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when do u breakup?

Posted by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 12:14 AM
  • 18 Replies
Hi everyone, I'm new to this group and was hoping to get a different perspective on my situation. My fiance and I have been together for 2 years and we have a 7 mo old together, however I'm not happy at all and I honestly already feel like a single parent most of the time. He won't help at all with housework/chores, even after I've asked repeatedly for him to help me, and he always tries to make an excuse when I ask him to play with the baby so I can do anything. On top of not having any help at all from him we argue ALL the time and it just doesn't feel like we love each other anymore. I don't want my son growing up in an unhappy home but at the same time I don't want to have to raise a baby all alone and only on my salary. So I'm wondering at what point does the need for happiness win out and we call it quits? How did some of you decide when to leave? Thank you in advance for any input!
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by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 12:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
steviechick
by Gold Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:28 AM

I was married to my ex for 26 years when he decided to tell me he cheated on  me for three years and fathered two kids in the process.  He actually hid his bimbo from me and their love shack.  He actually snuck furniture from our house and gave it to the bimbo.  Can you imagine that?  Before the bimbo came into play my ex and I fought about money all the time.  He was (and still is) a financial deadbeat.  We fought all the time about money, bounced checks and me being the breadwinner.  I had thought many times before the bimbo came along to seek marriage counseling.  Not sure if that would have helped any as I have found out my ex has a sexual problem.   He's needed counseling for many years.  He has very disturbing addictions.  He's also a sociopath.  I would say that you and your bf need to seek counseling ASAP.  If he doesn't want to go then it's time to seek a break-up.  You can only do so much for your guy.  It's up to him to do the right thing.  Not every man will clean or cook.  So, asking is the first step in fixing any relationship.  Mine never did, but I never pushed the issue.  I just dealt with it until it was too late.  You decide when to leave after you have exhausted all of your alternatives.  I hope that I have helped.

strngenough
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:57 AM

I think it's important to talk to each other first. Try some counciling. Try to see if he has anything going on in his life and if maybe you've changed a little. See if it's something that can be fixed first. Unless you really don't think he's what you want. That's different. If you can't be happy with him then I guess you have to call it. 

Robsessed98
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this
If youve done all you can to let him know your needs and wants from him andd relationship, but gotten nothing from him, I would say its time to quit. The only other option is to try counseling. If yall arent happy together, you wont have a happy child and thats whats most important.
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MommieJ
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 12:07 PM

I was married for 6 years, with him in total for 13 years. The relationship was great and I was sure it would last forever. The problem is people are constantly changing and in a marraige or relationship you have to want to grow and change together. We did not. We fought about finances, about intamacy, about the toilet seat being up. I tried everything i could, suggested therapy as a couple, he said he had nothing wring with him and refused to go. I sat down and talked with him until I was blue in the face, was brutally honest with him and nothing changed or got better. I stuck out the relationship for two years being completely miserable. Ultimately my decision came down to my daughter who was going on 2 at that time. Stay in an unhappy relationship going no where or have a broken family where both sides can move on and find happiness. Only you know when it is time to leave. Your heart will know when it's time to leave or if you should stay and work it out. Good luck!

 

 

 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 12:25 PM

I agree with this.

Quoting Robsessed98:

If youve done all you can to let him know your needs and wants from him andd relationship, but gotten nothing from him, I would say its time to quit. The only other option is to try counseling. If yall arent happy together, you wont have a happy child and thats whats most important.


LilAsMom526
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 1:02 PM
I agree with you. your heart will know when it's time to quit. Even emotionally you'll know when you've had enough.


Quoting MommieJ:

I was married for 6 years, with him in total for 13 years. The relationship was great and I was sure it would last forever. The problem is people are constantly changing and in a marraige or relationship you have to want to grow and change together. We did not. We fought about finances, about intamacy, about the toilet seat being up. I tried everything i could, suggested therapy as a couple, he said he had nothing wring with him and refused to go. I sat down and talked with him until I was blue in the face, was brutally honest with him and nothing changed or got better. I stuck out the relationship for two years being completely miserable. Ultimately my decision came down to my daughter who was going on 2 at that time. Stay in an unhappy relationship going no where or have a broken family where both sides can move on and find happiness. Only you know when it is time to leave. Your heart will know when it's time to leave or if you should stay and work it out. Good luck!


 


 


 


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LilAsMom526
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 1:03 PM
As hard as it might be.


Quoting MommieJ:

I was married for 6 years, with him in total for 13 years. The relationship was great and I was sure it would last forever. The problem is people are constantly changing and in a marraige or relationship you have to want to grow and change together. We did not. We fought about finances, about intamacy, about the toilet seat being up. I tried everything i could, suggested therapy as a couple, he said he had nothing wring with him and refused to go. I sat down and talked with him until I was blue in the face, was brutally honest with him and nothing changed or got better. I stuck out the relationship for two years being completely miserable. Ultimately my decision came down to my daughter who was going on 2 at that time. Stay in an unhappy relationship going no where or have a broken family where both sides can move on and find happiness. Only you know when it is time to leave. Your heart will know when it's time to leave or if you should stay and work it out. Good luck!


 


 


 


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brieri
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 2:51 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

I don't if breaking up is really the answer.  It sounds more like you two need to communicate on a better level.  IFyou think about another relationship after that, your not going to find more happiness there, it all comes within yourself.

otoole
by Bronze Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 3:31 PM

after the second time he choked me and then beat me, it was def time to leave

victoriahearts
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 4:28 PM

You have gotten great advice for the ladies, I think the best thing to do is get some therapy if he doesn't want to try and work out the problem, try making plans on  your own to see someone so  you can talk it out and prepare yourself for a breakup.  Also  start looking at places you can afford with your salary, can you afford your child care alone? If not start looking for another places or ask for a reducation in the price if it's based on your combined income.  Really just start looking at making your life away from him as easy as possible and then have the discussion regarding t he relationship no longer being healthy for you or your child. If you are miserable so is your child. For me personally the decision was a little easier, he was constantly away, I was already a single parent in that sense, I tried talking to him, asking him to change things but it never helped so after the last "discussion" I started to think about what I wanted, how I wanted the custody of our son, what were things I need him to do for us and so on and filed for divorce. I been divorced two  years now.

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