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Child custody for young mom who's never experienced it

Posted by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:17 PM
  • 10 Replies

I'm a young mom who's going through an ugly custody/visitation order. This is my first child, and I've never done court hearings before.  I feel like this whole situatuion has just torn me apart. I can't seem to stop being emotional. The current order has my son going to dads every weekend, which I feel is unsuccessful, I work 40+ hours a week and my only days off are weekends, which is when our son is in dads care. I set a motion to get him every other weekend, and dad refuses and would like more time with our son. I feel I never have leisure time with our son, and now that hes requesting more days has added more stress. I don't know what to do, or how to represent myself in a way to show the judge it's best for our son. My other party sometimes fails to come on some weekends or he leaves our child with grandma so he can go be young and "party." I dont know what to do or say to ask for the respectable visitation time with son without making it seem like I'm being spiteful. If he's asking for more time with our son isnt it a little silly when he constantly goes out...?? PLEASE HELPPPP!!!!!!!   =(

by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
raeann1984
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:31 PM
2 moms liked this

i don't think its spiteful at all for you to ask for every other weekend visits and if would like more time have him pick up a weekday or two to give you time to relax. it's hard to be a mom and work full time and its honestly not fair that if weekends are your only time off you are not getting to spend some of them with your child!!

steviechick
by Gold Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:35 PM

Switch the visitation time to what make sense.  What is best for your son is every other weekend becuase the two of you work.  When your ex picks up his son and takes him to see others then he's missing out.  His problem.  Stick to the every other weekend so you both can spend time with your son.  My dad worked on Saturdays and we stayed with my mom during the week.  The only time we saw our dad was on Sunday's.  It worked best considering the time constraints.  You might want to consider your ex get to see your son on Sunday and you get to have Saturdays.

WowzaMom
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I went through the same thing with my ex. This is a long process and you need to remain positive - although it is very difficult to do sometimes. Make sure that you document everything, late or on-time pick-ups, changes in behavior, everything. Even small and seemingly insignifigant things should be documented. Share this with your attorney and they will be able to assist and re-assure you. Also remember that you are under a microscope when dealing with custody and court issues. It is important to be on your best behavior and that you maintain your sanity.

I remember when my ex would pick up my daughter only to take her to his moms so he could hang out and party. He didn't treat gaining or keeping joint custody as a priority and in return he lost all parental rights. It is unfortunate but he made that decision. All of our friends kept watching and waiting for me to screw up, to lose my mind, anything that would be considered negative - but I never did because I kept focus on what was most important, my daughter. It took a little while to get used to the quiet house when she was with her dad but eventually I learned that during this time I could take care of my self and do little things to stay busy and happy.

Stay positive and keep being a good mom and eventually it will all work out for the best. {hugs}

jssjar
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:48 PM

I tried to stick to every other weekend, however he refuses. I feel like his requests are only for his benefit to pay less child support. We have a mediation appointment next month and I want to fully prepare myself and make sure my son gets what he deserves.

Zacknalexmom
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:50 PM
Agree. Get a lawyer.

Quoting WowzaMom:

I went through the same thing with my ex. This is a long process and you need to remain positive - although it is very difficult to do sometimes. Make sure that you document everything, late or on-time pick-ups, changes in behavior, everything. Even small and seemingly insignifigant things should be documented. Share this with your attorney and they will be able to assist and re-assure you. Also remember that you are under a microscope when dealing with custody and court issues. It is important to be on your best behavior and that you maintain your sanity.


I remember when my ex would pick up my daughter only to take her to his moms so he could hang out and party. He didn't treat gaining or keeping joint custody as a priority and in return he lost all parental rights. It is unfortunate but he made that decision. All of our friends kept watching and waiting for me to screw up, to lose my mind, anything that would be considered negative - but I never did because I kept focus on what was most important, my daughter. It took a little while to get used to the quiet house when she was with her dad but eventually I learned that during this time I could take care of my self and do little things to stay busy and happy.


Stay positive and keep being a good mom and eventually it will all work out for the best. {hugs}

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cdjd23
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:56 PM

I would get a lawyer so you have all your options available to you. If you have to, could you offer him time during the week in exchange for every other weekend? If he's choosing not to spend time with your ds when he's got him there is not a lot you can do about it and ultimately he's the one who is missing out.

trebelcleff
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:41 PM

If you get an understanding judge, you can make it clear that it's not that you don't want dad to have more time, it's that you would like an equal amount of weekend time since most of your weekdays are spent working.  It might be best for you and your child if dad gets every other weekend PLUS one or two weekdays every week, that way you both get equal leisure time and dad doesn't lose out on time.  That would be the best compromise and would help show the judge that you aren't trying to keep him away from dad but are trying to spend better quality time with your own child.

babycakes041903
by Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:46 PM

A judge would most likely agree with every other weekend so you both get adequate time with your son. Can your ex have your son at all during the week? My ex sees our dd on Tuesday and Thursday for 2.5-3 hours. And then every other Saturday for 9 hrs but she's only 5 months old. If you have proof he takes your son to his moms when he is supposed to have him that completely works in your favor; if he's neglecting time he already gets then why does he need more? Kwim?

sid1083
by Silver Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:58 PM

 However he chooses to spend his weekends with the child is on him. You already say he fails to come on some weekends so it's not like ALL of your weekends are gone with your son. I get that he's trying to get out of CS, but if you two can come to an agreement and he doesn't stick to it, document each thing and re-present it to the judge in about a year to get things changed.

brieri
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 11:17 PM

I went through this to for awhile, he requested to have every other weekend and a week day, then it was only one day on the weekends and a day during the week.  Til it was switched and he has them, I had them every other weekend, then it went for awhile one of the weekend days.  Now he has them full time.  screaming

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