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Visitations with other parent

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My divorce was final on February 13, 2012. Our parenting agreement is "Dad" gets kids every other weekend. In this short time he missed 9 visits. In October he serves me papers to modify visitation and child support. After he served me those papers he started picking the kids up on his weekends. The first week DD went to his house since then she hasn't wanted to go with him. She calls him and tells him and he is okay with her not going over, he still picks up DS. We went to our first hearing which was just meeting with a court facilitator. On Tuesday this week we went in front of the judge. In court I brought up all the visit he missed and he said those are just times DD doesn't go over there. I told him no I don't count those days because he still makes an effort. Anyways now we were ordered to make DD go to his house. She cried so hard tonight that she doesn't want to go this weekend. I'm trying to be as positive as I can and encourage her to go but it breaks my heart. I asked why and she says it is boring. She also talks to a therapist and has not mentioned anything bad to her. "Dad" lives with his sister, a total of 7 in a 3 bedroom single wide trailer. He does not have his own car and being a pot head has no motivation to do anything so I understand it being boring. I brought up the drug use in court and because of our stupid state it's okay as long as its not done in front of the children.

My question is what do I do? Should I make her go? Should I tell DD if it's okay with dad she can stay home? I dont like seeing her cry. They kids are DD 8 and DS 5
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by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:03 AM
Replies (11-12):
strngenough
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 8:28 PM
1 mom liked this
Ok so if school bores them or going to grandmas is boring etc. you say you don't have to go?


Quoting Mocking.Jay:

I totally disagree with that. You don't want to traumatize a child into thinking YOU don't want to be there for them if you are forcing them to go to their dad's. I think it is an incredibly stupid law to force a child if they don't want to go because "it's the right thing to do". Just because it's law, doesn't mean we have to agree or like it. 


Quoting strngenough:

Is there a chance of hiring a private detective or asking the kids is "daddy smokes funny smelly cigarettes" when they are there? My only objection is I wouldn't want my kid around drugs.



However my niece did the same thing your daughter is doing. She didn't want to go to her dads because its boring and she doesn't have her own room. My sister hates her ex so she ate it right up and said "she doesn't even want to see you." To him. Kids get away with what they can. A child doesn't get to decide if they want to see their parent or not.



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Mocking.Jay
by β˜…Kristaβ˜… on Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:12 PM
That's not the same thing as forcing your kid to visit a parent they don't want to. And there's nothing wrong with letting a visit slip with grandma either. Going to grandmas isn't mandatory.

Quoting strngenough:

Ok so if school bores them or going to grandmas is boring etc. you say you don't have to go?




Quoting Mocking.Jay:

I totally disagree with that. You don't want to traumatize a child into thinking YOU don't want to be there for them if you are forcing them to go to their dad's. I think it is an incredibly stupid law to force a child if they don't want to go because "it's the right thing to do". Just because it's law, doesn't mean we have to agree or like it. 


Quoting strngenough:

Is there a chance of hiring a private detective or asking the kids is "daddy smokes funny smelly cigarettes" when they are there? My only objection is I wouldn't want my kid around drugs.





However my niece did the same thing your daughter is doing. She didn't want to go to her dads because its boring and she doesn't have her own room. My sister hates her ex so she ate it right up and said "she doesn't even want to see you." To him. Kids get away with what they can. A child doesn't get to decide if they want to see their parent or not.



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