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My Son May Be Going to Live with His Dad

Posted by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:25 PM
  • 40 Replies

Ok, so you see the title.

Yep, it's true....

But it's a bit more complicated than that. Well, for me, it is; but overall, it's simple

1. My son just turned 12 yrs old; his dad had asked him over the past summer break if he wanted to live with him. Well, fast foward to now, and his dad brought it up some days ago; and at first I was against it'; but over the weekend, I have had time to think about it while Tony was with his dad.

2. His dad is now in a place where he is financially stable, he has a good relationship with a woman he cares for dearly. And I like her for the most part.

3. My son likes his dad's lady. I would like for them to be married; and I think it will happen...

4. Emotionally this is hard to deal with; a few reasons why:

a. I'm afraid that my son going with his dad, I won't be involved in parenting decisions; I understand that this lady would be the mother figure in the house. But I don't want to be left out when it comes to making life decisions for Tony

b. I don't have the same desire to be a parent. I will admit that. There is a battle I have been raging within myself; I'm just not happy and have the joy as I used to; I don't know why, but things started changing 3 months ago. I have prayed so much for God to restore the joy in my heart. I feel like it will come back; but I don't want my son to leave and I feel relief. That scares me. Like it's not right. But I also don't want to get too comfortable with not having my son at home. That has been one of the hardest things for me to admit; but it's part of why I am considering my son being with his dad.

c. His dad has a full family; Tony would get to spend more time with his brother and his potential step brother. And my son has lived with me for approx 7 years - I have raised him all throughout elementary school; I feel like I have taught some valuable things and our relationship has been rebuilt (that's another story); I know it's not over; but I know the whole dynamic WILL change. So, with Tony being older, and the relationship between he and his dad have gotten better, we are going to have Tony go and live with them effective this next school year (Tony will start Jr. High).

5. A decision has not been made; I talked with JL (Tony's dad) about all of this; and I talked with Tony. Now JD is going to talk with his lady to see how she feels about it.

6. I plan to speak with a therapist. I ask for no pity; but I want to make it clear that I feel sad that I feel like this. Like my son going to his dad's is fine; but I don't want it to be under the circumstances based on my thoughts and feelings; but I also don't want my son to be feeling any type of negative vibes from me. I will do anything for Tony to have a good life; especially a good childhood. I don't care what I feel; I take care of my child. I do my best to love him. But I need to get some things resolved with myself. My son is here for a long time; and I do want us to have a good, pure relationship while we are in this world.

My emotions are all over the place; I'm happy about how far we have gotten as a family; especially being split. I'm glad that Tony is okay with going with his dad. But I'm not happy with what I'm feeling. I believe it will get better; but I've got to face it...God is faithful.

Comments are welcomed. Some moms may not happy with what they are reading; but I ask that those who oppose the thoughts expressed in this post not down or bash me. I do welcome all comments and questions.

Question: any moms have been through this: specifically where your child goes to live with their father? How was the transition?

*Thanks for letting me express myself of CM. Whether I get 10 replies are 0, this is a way for me to get my feelings out, with real people are reading this, but I get to get my feelings out with no interruption...

by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sthflachk
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:28 PM
Awww....my dd is only 3 and lives ft with me for at least the next decade so I can't relate but here's a bump!
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yezay
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:29 PM
What does ad stand for? I'm confused didnt you say your sons ne was tony...
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mybabytristan
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:33 PM
this was pretty confusing on who is who..AD? Al? Tony? either way i guess you have to do whaats best for your child not yourself
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happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:34 PM
I'm not sure I could let either of my boys go.

emotionally I just don't know that I could do it
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tyfry7496
by Janet on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:36 PM
5 moms liked this
I don't think anything is wrong with what you are doing. Before he goes, sit down with dad and put in writing what's to happen. Joint decisions for major life things. Communication on grades, school, sports, etc. Include a visitation schedule too.

It's ok to work on you. Your son is going to his dad and a loving home just stay involved.

Your sons at an age that he needs a dad more. He'll be going through thinks that Dad can explain and help him through better. Just for being a man.
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:40 PM
My kids went to live with their dad for about 2 years and it was tough...but it was the best place for them. It was a tough transition because kids did not want to go. (I lost my job and he had just remarried and had extended family close by.... so he was in a better place to care for them) After two years of being in different states, I moved back to where they were. My ex did everything in his power to keep me from the kids.. . We eventually got to 50/50 shared custody but now kids are with me again 100%. It has been a tough road.
Only advice I can give is be 100% sure because you can't go back if you change your mind. Also you have to do what is best for your son... not anyone else.
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a06z08mama
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:44 PM
Bump... and hugs!!
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Mocking.Jay
by ★Krista★ on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:01 PM
1 mom liked this

His name is Tony. AD could stand for Anthony, which Tony is a nickname for lol...

Quoting yezay:

What does ad stand for? I'm confused didnt you say your sons ne was tony...


ChgIsGood2012
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:53 PM


Quoting yezay:

What does ad stand for? I'm confused didnt you say your sons ne was tony...


My apologies. AD = Tony. I'm feeling all weird about putting all my info on here and so I started abbreivating.

ChgIsGood2012
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:54 PM


Quoting mybabytristan:

this was pretty confusing on who is who..AD? Al? Tony? either way i guess you have to do whaats best for your child not yourself


My apologies. My son is Tony. I referred to him as AD. AL is the lady in dad's life.

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