Last week I noticed on my dd's fathers cousin FB page, that she wrote a sympathy stat with ex's mother name. I hardly read her stuff on there, but seeing ex's moms name caught my eye. He was linked through tag, along with his brothers and sister. My heart dropped, and I wanted to cry. I wrote her before Thanksgiving area, through fb to ask if she could give me medical history from that side. I had no idea, do I know anything on whats happening on his end. With him, his family etc and I was expecting an answer from her back felt like. She was a nice gal, sweet lady and I liked her as she did me. Come to find out she had cancer again, not sure how long she's had it. She had breast cancer when my x was in high school (he's 31 btw), and beat it.
I wrote him to give him my sympathy, of course no answer yet hey I expected that. I found his brother, the one I did know enough to be able to feel comfortable contacting. An gave him my sympathy, told him to give my X a hug but not tell him was from me. With my luck he'd push him back, or say who from now?? LOL. He hasn't spoken to me again, since that random call months months ago that he got the phone. He didn't know my #, and he by chance got it almost making me crap myself. His brother wrote back thanking me, I told him I had no harsh feelings or bad ones to his brother nor will I. An he said as far as he knew, he didn't have either. I couldn't help to feel weirdly better, I didn't get closure YET I was able to find out. I don't have a voodoo doll of me, and a bad trip walking isn't caused by him wishing it upon me. Still that nagging question, I will never get out of my head when thinking of him. Will be if he doesn't hate me, or wish me to fall into a pit of lava will he talk to me?? Even for her sake, I'm not bothered him not with me yet I saw how he interacted with not just his children. My three big kids, and think its me ya know?
I feel sad for him, and his family for their loss. I feel sad for Josilyn who will never meet her grandma, I'm not even positive she knew of her and or I was pregnant when we split up. I wrote of her, in the message yet she sounded to be truly ill not with it toward the end of her days. I'm sure she hadn't seen my message, did she. My dd may not even get to know her father, past knowing he pays support if she asks about him. Still it was her grandma, and I knew of her meeting her being more then some BM's at times have. She'd loved her, and she was a good lady one I can see doing over nights with. At least for history I do know for sure, cancer is strong on both sides.