Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Holiday advice on visitation

Posted by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 7:58 AM
  • 12 Replies

Hi, struggling this year with the xmas holiday coming up, and the thought of not spending xmas eve with my boys. We have had a xmas eve tradition with my family for the last 10 years, so my night was xmas eve and our boys spent xmas day with their dad.

Dad got remarried last year so now he wants them xmas eve this year. My boys are 17 and 14, they both told him that they want to continue to spend xmas eve with me this year. Their father is dismissing their wishes and just telling us how it is going to be. T

After he got married he took me back to court to reduce child support and change the holidays. The court order is very vague on this years holiday schedule. Again our boys are of age to make their own decision about the holidays, right?

How do I get their dad to see that he is putting them in the middle, because they already told him what they wanted and he isn't listening???

Advice please!!

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 7:58 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Gold Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 8:28 AM
1 mom liked this
yes they are old enough to decide for themselves.

take him back to court and have your children's wishes heard.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 8:50 AM
1 mom liked this
They are old enough to decide, even in the courts eyes. Have your attorney clarify what the vusutation order says and unless it says he gets them this year, they stay with you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 3:27 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Have your boys write a letter to their father for their wishes.  If he doesn't abide by it, then let the father take you to court?  I don't know the exact wording what it says, I went through this process with all too familitary. 

I got Christmas day one year in the entire time he was fighting me.  After all the years in court, I put an end to it and he got every holiday and still hadn't co-parented with me like the court order had stated. 

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 4:02 PM

I'm sorry hun, but legally after 10 they have a say. I don't think he can make them go anywhere they don't want to. I think you're doing all of the right things. Can you call your lawyer and see what he/she suggests? I've never been in a situation like this. DD's dad isn't really in the picture so I'm able to dal amicably with his parents as far as visitation goes. I have DD Christmas eve and the following morning. Then we get dressed up and go to church with my family and drop DD off at her dad's parent's house on the way home. It works well for us and DD gets two Christmases which she's fine with! I know in the past a friend was in a similar situation and had the police wait outside her house in case the ex came since he was trying to take the kids on a night he wasn't entitled to. 

by Ruby Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 4:54 PM

 stick to our guns and tell him he can pick them up christmas morning. i have a special contempt for men who think they can tell me what the fuck to do as if they are my authority. the CO doesnt spell it out. he cant do shit.

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I would try to find a way to compromise with ex on this. Don't make a big issue out of it. Your boys are close enough to 18 that you don't have much longer on this. Regardless of what he's doing, he's still their Father. I would, however, make sure you get clarification of what the court order says for the future, because you both should have what's fair.

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:53 PM

I say file an emergency petition to modify the order. The 17 yeaold at least is of age for a judge to consider his wishes. Be sure to point out that this has been tradition for several years and Daddy dearest is merely trying to impress the new wifey.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:57 PM
What does the court order say? Legally they (and you) have to go by that until they are 18
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 1:14 PM

They are old enough to decide. He needs to check his ego!

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 1:34 PM

Stop stressing.

Dont say another word to him about it, then you and the boys go to your family's house or somewhere else and spend the night on the 23rd. Nobody'll even be home when he shows up to get them on Christmas Eve. He will have no choice but to try and show up at your family's door with a cop like an ass with a vague paper and try to pick up two obviously old enough kids who can make their own decisions. No cop is gonna let that fly.

Just play dumb if he does show up with a cop (which I seriously doubt he'd do, cause he knows he'd look like a serious dweeb) and say you are not doing anything different than you've done for the last DECADE. 

him and his new wife want to play games and be dirty, fine.  you can play, too.  just play to win, that's all.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)