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Dear EX told our son what???????

Posted by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:32 AM
  • 19 Replies
DS came home from his dads last night and asked me if I kept him from his daddy as a baby, I asked him why he is saying that? He said that's what my daddy told me.

We have our differences, but I really didn't think he'd stoop that low to tell a 4 YEAR OLD child that!

Truth: no, my door was always opened to his dad whom I ended things with 3 days before finding out I was pregnant. I would let him know about my doctor appts. during pregnancy, he never showed. When DS was circumcised EX didn't show, he claimed he was out of town working. After the appt. I passed EX. He was in town. He didn't come. He was always in and out of DS life until he got marred and his DF (now wife) told him if he wanted her to marry him he had to be in his DS life. She was a single mom too.

I shouldn't be surprised that he said this, but I am surprised he didn't consider that his son is only 4 and isn't yet old enough to comprehend the mess that was us during pregnancy and after birth. However, I believe if a child asks he has a right to know the truth, so yes. I told him I never kept his dad from him and when he grew up I would explain it better to him.
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by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
steviechick
by Gold Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:40 AM

Your ex said this to your son becuase he was trying to cover-up for all the times he didn't see his son.  A liar will only make more problems for himself.  Just make sure you tell your son that his father is wrong whenever he comes home from seeing him.  I'm sure the ex will continue to lie to his own son.  Just be truthful and let your son learn just how untrustworthy his own father is.  My own DD is going through the same thing with her father.  She's 18 and her father still lies to her about all kinds of things.  I have to set things straight and probably always will just as long as my DD has a relationship with her father.  Sad state of affairs, but when you are dealing with a sociopath you have no other choice.

stormystar15
by Jessica on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:46 AM
Wow I think you handled it very well and your son will grow up and realize what the truth really is. To this day my father swears that my mom did all this stuff to me but I've read the custody papers and know without a doubt he is a liar. Just stay strong and your son will learn the truth.
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Heather_309
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:01 PM
I even asked my EX nicely if he said this to our son and he told me no. Straight and simple, but someone has told DS this. I do not talk about his dad in a negative way because that is his dad and I don't want my son having a negative image of either of us. I know now someone is lying and I don't think it is my 4 yr. Old, he's pretty blunt and truth telling.
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brieri
by Platinum Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:02 PM

Well now that both of his parents are in his life, he will eventually find the truth.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 1:37 PM

 just tell him that its not true and you dont know why he said that.

my ex used to tell my small children that we split up cuz i cheated. no, we split up because he was abusive. i took the high road and said nothing but i finally got sick of it and told them the truth. turned out my older son remembered him hitting me once WHEN HE WAS TWO. HE WAS 12 AT THE TIME. -_-

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:59 AM
Hopefully he stops trying to gift hour son like this, but eventually no matter what he will see who's always been there.
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strngenough
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:09 AM
You know it's funny. My ex has a habit of remaking history. He couldn't remember what happened last thanksgiving, so I told him what happened (wasn't bad). He then "suddenly" remembered we were drinking fruity drinks, apparently I got hammered and was giving my champagne away. Yeah not even close. Anyone who knows me knows even if I was hammered I'd NEVER give my champagne away lol. That's a benign example of his powers of selective memory. Funny how the more bad we do in life the more lies we need to tell.
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tyfry7496
by Janet on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:37 AM
My ex tried telling my 16 yr old the same thing. My son told him off. My son has known the truth for a good 10 years. My son said there was NO excuse for 16 yrs of abandonment. My ex shares the same bday as my son and he's never acknowledged my son because its his birthday first and my son should call him. Some people can be such idiots.

You did great explaining to your son.
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austor851
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:58 AM

my daughter's father and his family tall badly about my boyfriend. It hurts both me and my boyfriend. We are planning to build a life together and are in the process of buying a house. The fact that my ex does his puts a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend. My daughter's father obviously lies about the situation and I have no idea what else I could do. My daughter is 3 and comes home saying something different every week. I just can't believe people actually do that to children. I'm glad I found this site and know I'm not the only one

Heather_309
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:08 AM
I'm sorry to all of you Mama's who have dealt with this same issue. I talked with DS again last night and since his dad said "No, I didn't tell him that. Clearly he's trying to cause problems between us by telling these little stories"? What the heck? So, I asked DS and I said who is telling a story (what I call lying for his age) he isn't hesitate he said "my daddy is". I just had a talk and told him I believed him.

I believe my son, he had to get it from someone. I never talk about our past because, like I said he is just to young to comprehend that mess. I thought a man with a wife and three kids (two with his wife) would be man enough to tell the truth. No, he turns the blame on his own son. Now, I hope he doesn't discipline our son "telling me".
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