My relationship with his father was horrible. It took me 3 years to leave him finally. My son was 2 at the time. I got pregnant at 19. I was working a full time server job and enjoying that I could spend my money on myself.. anything I wanted. I had nice clothes, a nice car i took good care of.. I went out when I wanted. Partied. Had friends. Had HOBBIES.. writing, drawing, playing computer games.. Was planning on going to school someday for something that I enjoyed that would make me no money at all lol.
His father was a rebound.. the first time we had sex I got pregnant through a condom because it broke and he didnt care to stop. When I was ready to break things off, I found out I was pregnant and stayed with him. Through horrible mental abuse and mind games.. I stayed with him. Until I was done and told him to leave.
My son is 4, going to be 5 on the 16th. Things are horrible with him. Everything is about daddy. He is sick today so I went to pick him up and he cried when he saw me and said he wanted me to go away so he could stay with daddy.
I am solely responsible for him. I pay for his clothes. I keep a roof over his head. I feed him, bath him, pay for everything.. I work full time. I get no child support. I recently had to quit school because my parents kicked us out and I couldnt afford to continue going because I'm the only one paying bills. I dont even get to call in to work when I'm sick. I work and stress myself to the bone trying to make everything work for my children. My bank accounts in the negative. My parents have to buy my kids their christmas gifts. Had to give us a tree.
His father has no responsiblity.. only sees him when he wants to. I cant work two jobs because he refuses to watch him when he isnt at daycare. He will see him MAYBE once a week. Sometimes goes weeks without seeing him at all. He goes out with friends, parties, works as much as he wants, any hours he wants to.. he gave up nothing when I had my son. Not one thing.
My child wants nothing to do with me. Nothing. I gave up my entire life.. I turned it all into trash for him. Nothing about my life is enjoyable. I work and stress about paying bills and getting him the things he needs. I stress about his behavior, how to make him a good person. I have no free time. I dont get nights out. I literally gave up everything for him. I dont think I have a piece of clothing that cost more than 50 cents. I spend my days off running errands and in low income programs to make sure I can feed him and clothe him..
Anyone else in a situation where you gave up your entire life for a child who doesnt even like you? I'm so hurt and upset right now.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way right now. It's not that he doesn't love you or like you, it's that he misses his dad and you are the one who is there that he can take out his anger and frustration on. You are the one who he can cut loose on and you will always be there and always love him no matter what. We all as mom's gave up our whole life to have our kids and put them first- it's what we do. When my ex and I first split I went through this feeling for a while, then it passed. Just keep your chin up and hang in there... I'll pray for you.
PS. Going back to God is what helped me to get through all those rough spots. Maybe you should lean on Him for a while because he gave up his whole life for you...
Kids often want what they do not have at that moment...
When DH is traveling, DD wants him more than usual. When I have to work late, she wants me more than usual.
Alos, your ex is the fun parent....likely does not punish him, etc. You are the sensible parent...working hard, etc.
This will eventually pass
I don't think it's that he wants nothing to do with you, rather that since Dad can play the role of fun parent, that's who he wants to be with. He's a child after all.
Give yourself a break mama and have some fun with your son (do a puzzle or play a game or pop in a video and munch on popcorn together). It doesn't have to be all stress all the time.
I'm sorry because I know how this feels, when I divorced and my son was only 3 yo, we tried explaining my ex would live somewhere else it was hard for him, and it wasn't because my ex was such an involved father, because he wasn't, he was away a lot , it was because he felt like I was telling his dad to leave, keeping his dad from him. We actually end up doing play threapy to get through some of the bad feelings he had towards me as well as I started to spend more time with him, finding activities that I could use to connect with him, coloring, baking, playing cars and pretend with him, watching his favorite movies, finding things going on in the city, walk the farmer's market, let him help with grocery shopping.
I know your tired, you must be exhausted doing it on your own, you also are stressed which doesn't make dealing with your son any easier but you have to try putting some of those feelings aside and find the enegry to connect with him, explain that even though he wants daddy, mommy is here and you will do your best to make him feel better and ask what will make him feel better. He is at an age where he understands and he will give you an answer. As much as I wanted to tell my son to "deal wit it" or "get over it" it wouldn't had made things easier it would have made them worse.
I feel like this sometimes. My son did that same thing as school - his dad told him he would pick him up from school so when I showed up he was confused and saddened and started crying for his dad. It's very embaressing but the teachers are understanding. Most times the first day I get my son back I have to hear all about the things he has at his dads (His dad has a lot of money and spoils him). It gets frustrating. I think his dad is the fun parent too. But then he will blame me for everything wrong with him. I don't think it gets better to be honest. I think it is what it is. As long as he sees his dad so little - he will always miss him.
He will get it someday. But meanwhile try to find a positive outlook. I know t is hard. I'm not judging, I've been there.
Finally tears of happiness.
- Kayere
on Dec. 5, 2012 at 3:17 PM