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4yr old son pretends to be daddy

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Sometimes my 4 yr old will pretend to be his father. He calls his 2 yr old brother booboo and littler one will even say "come here daddy" and he will say "what booboo" and go over. That used to be our nickname for my older son when he was a baby. I suppose my ex has started calling them that again. My ex has had mental issues the past year and i am filing to have him analyzed to see if it is ok for him to be around the boys.

If i were not worried for their safety, i would tell ex the boys miss him and suggest more time. I last saw him in court for cs and recommended no jail or probation because i understand he is not well. He was very rude, moving his chair away from me, getting angry that i dont give the boys to his parents, ans only thanked me grudgingly when the ada said i should.

It is very hard to co parent with him because he just directs me to his patents and his parents say they only want me to go through therm as well. I understand they enjoy making decisions for him but he is the father, not them.

Do you think my son is just playing a game? Am i being too harsh to ask that he be evaluated before any more visits?
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by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 2:22 AM
Replies (11-16):
kristiansmommy1
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 5:37 PM
Yeah under 'normal' circumstances it would be extreme but he doesn't seem to be cooperating so you need to do what's right for you and the kids. That sucks tho, hopefully it'll help him come to his senses


Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Some days i get really frustrated! Going to court seems so extreme but i need to coparent with him and he and his parents are making it so hard.




Quoting kristiansmommy1:

That would aggravate me so bad, she shouldn't have a say in it, it's yours and his kids. They sound immature






Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Since he won't speak directly to me and used to agree with parenting decisions until they would step in and sit him down i never even know who is saying what. He even had his nasty gf text me pretending to be him. Then later she says no, its me but you should go.through me.








Quoting kristiansmommy1:

That would aggravate me that they're making his decisions for him, if you're scared for the kids safety I'd deff ask for him to be evaluated first. I think your son is probably just playing a game, kinda like lil girls play house




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Robsessed98
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 6:06 PM
My 4&5 yo gss play house all the time. One day its mom and dad, then dad and son. Completely normal. I would refuse to go through his parents though. Its between you and him only.
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ImaSoulMom
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree. Thank you kristiansmommy! It's good to know this is not overreacting. :)
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ImaSoulMom
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 6:18 PM
Aww! That sounds so cute. Thank you. Yes, i guess its just playing. Sometimes i just feel so bad and guilty as a single parent, maybe i read too much into that.


Quoting Robsessed98:

My 4&5 yo gss play house all the time. One day its mom and dad, then dad and son. Completely normal. I would refuse to go through his parents though. Its between you and him only.

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zebralove
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:45 PM

It is normal for boys even with fathers in the picture to want to play the father to their mother. Its called the Oedipus Complex by Freud. Its not necessarily what you will read, its just replacing the father, and little girls replace the mother to their fathers. if that makes sense. (Freud believed that EVERY thought of EVERY being consisted of sexual desires, given he did die of syphilis of the throat and was homosexual, maybe it was just a way for him to justify his actions, he was a great theorist.)


my 4 year old does it too, and it may very well be that he misses his father, or just the phase that he is going through. my 4 year old also takes care of my 11 month old as if he were his parent. he cares for him a little too much and is very protective. It could just be something that they experienced and feel obligated. Try talking to him, he may not fully understand; but if it is not harming anyone, let him play it out.


as far as his father and his issues,  maybe he is just a jerk. Sorry to say.


its natural and healthy.

ImaSoulMom
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:15 PM
Thank you zebralove, yes i am familiar with oedipal concepts. From what i understand it is more prominent in prebubescent boys and girls. Though i am very glad to know there are other children that do this type of playing. I don't know if he is trying to usurp the man position of the house or exhibiting parentification.

It does seem harmless. Will just let them play. I guess i will see my ex in court. I can only hope he grows up and gets mentally and emotionally healthy to be a father but it is doubtful.
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