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Need advice please...

Posted by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:20 AM
  • 9 Replies
Hi everyone!

I'm hoping someone can help me on my situation. I live in Arkansas and have been separated from my children's father for close to 4 years now. He is out of state and I don't have his address. I am not receiving any support from him and when he offers it, it's with a condition that he speaks to the kids. I stopped all communication between him and the children shortly after he left because while we were together he emotionally and physically abused the kids. Then even being 500 miles apart every time he would get on the phone with them they would be back in the emotional state as if he were there for days afterwards. There is no amount of money that would ever convince me to put my children in that spot again. So the situation is I need support I do not have the money it is going to take to hire a lawyer (required in my county for divorce with children) or to start a child support case. I am not receiving any benefits from the state and I'm just at a loss. He has left me with over $12,000 in debt from hot checks he wrote on our joint account (to which I've paid down to $2500 now) and with 4 kids to support on my own and no state assistance I feel very alone and stressed! I'm trying to go to school so I can make more money to support my kids but this seems to consume my every thought. Please if anyone can offer some advice on where to turn I would much appreciate it! Thanks!!
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by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:20 AM
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Replies (1-9):
a06z08mama
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:23 AM
I live in Iowa and they have Iowa Legal Aid. Do they offer something like that? They give help to low income families or women in need of help. Or maybe contact a law school to see if they offer low cost help to women in situations like yours.
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:32 AM

I was married to the same man you were married to.  So, I feel your pain.  My ex left me with a bunch of debt, too.  We signed a settlement agreement but so far he's declared a Chap 7 thus trying to dismiss the money he owes me.  Not going to work as you can't dismiss a divorce settlement in court.  Ex is very verbally abusive to our DD.  She can't even talk to him without him going extreme on her.  So, she won't take his phone calls or text him.  Really, sad for all of our kids.  They deserve better fathers. 

My advice is to look for legal aid like the poster mentioned.  There has to be free aid for mothers in need.  Once you get that aid seek cs ASAP.  Also, try and seek temporary restraining order on the ex.  Since he has a history of being abusive you don't want your kids to be exposed to that anymore.  CS has to be paid no matter the circumstances in a divorce.  You have the ex's address and current employer?  I would send the employer contempt of court charges once they are in place.  They have to adhere to that and then start payments.  Good luck.  Oh, and welcome to the group!

Missjenn0829
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:34 AM
They do have that here but it's for those on public aid. TEA and you have to make less than $240 per month to receive that.


Quoting a06z08mama:

I live in Iowa and they have Iowa Legal Aid. Do they offer something like that? They give help to low income families or women in need of help. Or maybe contact a law school to see if they offer low cost help to women in situations like yours.

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Missjenn0829
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:47 AM
Thank you it's good to be here! I don't have a restraining order since he's so far away and the fact that he was brought up on charges for the hot checks he wrote. They can't arrest him because as they said he's more than 300 miles away. If he dares come to this state (he doesn't know where we live) but I would call the cops on his active warrant. I don't have an address for him but I've heard rumors of where he is working. I have searched and searched online and contacted every place I've come across and have been told to go through my county to receive help. They're not doing anything and I've begged and pleaded. I just don't understand how just because I'm not living in a shelter and I'm working my butt off to bring in enough money to barely pay the bills and feed my kids that I can't get any help from them. If anything they make me feel like a looser when I go in. The last time was there I met a woman who flat out said that she made sure she had one kid each year so her food stamps would get increased and told them she didn't know where the fathers were. I don't want to pass judgement on others but I'm just becoming so discussed with this system.


Quoting steviechick:

I was married to the same man you were married to.  So, I feel your pain.  My ex left me with a bunch of debt, too.  We signed a settlement agreement but so far he's declared a Chap 7 thus trying to dismiss the money he owes me.  Not going to work as you can't dismiss a divorce settlement in court.  Ex is very verbally abusive to our DD.  She can't even talk to him without him going extreme on her.  So, she won't take his phone calls or text him.  Really, sad for all of our kids.  They deserve better fathers. 


My advice is to look for legal aid like the poster mentioned.  There has to be free aid for mothers in need.  Once you get that aid seek cs ASAP.  Also, try and seek temporary restraining order on the ex.  Since he has a history of being abusive you don't want your kids to be exposed to that anymore.  CS has to be paid no matter the circumstances in a divorce.  You have the ex's address and current employer?  I would send the employer contempt of court charges once they are in place.  They have to adhere to that and then start payments.  Good luck.  Oh, and welcome to the group!


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a06z08mama
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:47 AM
Oh. That's crap. I know in Iowa Drake university their legal department offers programs to women who need legal assistance. Maybe call around to different universities to see. Not all hopes are lost. Maybe call women shelters to see what advice they can give you as far who to call for legal help.


Quoting Missjenn0829:

They do have that here but it's for those on public aid. TEA and you have to make less than $240 per month to receive that.




Quoting a06z08mama:

I live in Iowa and they have Iowa Legal Aid. Do they offer something like that? They give help to low income families or women in need of help. Or maybe contact a law school to see if they offer low cost help to women in situations like yours.


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Missjenn0829
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:49 AM
Thanks I will do that. (((fingers crossed)))


Quoting a06z08mama:

Oh. That's crap. I know in Iowa Drake university their legal department offers programs to women who need legal assistance. Maybe call around to different universities to see. Not all hopes are lost. Maybe call women shelters to see what advice they can give you as far who to call for legal help.




Quoting Missjenn0829:

They do have that here but it's for those on public aid. TEA and you have to make less than $240 per month to receive that.






Quoting a06z08mama:

I live in Iowa and they have Iowa Legal Aid. Do they offer something like that? They give help to low income families or women in need of help. Or maybe contact a law school to see if they offer low cost help to women in situations like yours.



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a06z08mama
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:50 AM
How you contacted the child support recovery unit? If so what have they said? As far as going after him for cs?
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CaptainCookie
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:53 AM

 Are there any churches that could advise you? Help you out in some way?

josiahmom
by Michelle on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:22 AM

gl

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