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How do you let go of all the anger??

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From my posts in the past, you might know that my ex and I get along fine most of the time.  We're divorced but the marriage should have ended two years ago.  Every so often, you might even be able to call us friends.

But I am absolutely SEETHING inside.

I wish I could just rip into him about all the things I am angry about.  Hell, I still might, 15 years from now when our kids are grown.  I am careful not to make him mad at me because he takes it out on the kids by not seeing them and says "I don't want to be around you" as an excuse.

So many things from the past 12 years I am still so angry about.  I am angry at him, and I am angry at myself for letting it go on so long.

I even sort of wish he'd try to get me back again so I can list all the reasons why he's a shitty human being.

I can almost come close to saying I hate him.  It's a hate that runs deep, the kind of hate that can only come from loving some one.

I am having a really bad night.

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 3:51 AM
Replies (11-17):
stephryc
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:04 PM
2 moms liked this

I am angry alot of the time. I've got four kids, and their father doesn't do shit for them so to speak. I started running to help with my anxiety and frustration. Exercising is a great stress reliever, and I am now in better shape than I have been in years, and I feel great about myself. It's just an idea!

 

PumpkinSpice8
by Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 1:39 AM
I know that I am the only one in control of my feelings even when someone causes me pain. And so when BD surprises me the day before Christmas with custody papers, I simply smile and tell myself that's ok, he's allowed to do that and I am not going to let him make me angry and ruin my Christmas. I am going to go on with my life and live happily because that's the best revenge I could ever serve someone. Those people who hurt you don't want to see you happy so I make sure I am as happy as can be. And then when he shows up 3 hours late on Christmas and asks to claim Dd on taxes even though he hasn't done jack shit for her all year and I paid for everything, I say go ahead. I know I am a kind person and he can't take that from me and I will kill him kindness for the rest of his life. And I never do it in a resentful way or a way that would make me feel bad. And if he does something that makes me initially angry, I go straight to the custody journal and record it. Then I close it and forget about it. Dwelling on it will only cause me misery not him. When that thing he did nags at my brain, I tell myself I am too strong for him to cause me pain and I think of pink elephants or my dog or Channing Tatum until I have blocked out those nasty thoughts. I simply don't let him hurt me anymore. I spent too many years suffering and stressed due to him and I am done. Since I've changed my attitude on how he makes me feel, I am living a much less stressful life.
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mrsjonzy
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 1:43 AM

Break plates, or any glass really. Go to garage sales, thrift stores, flea markets, and buy as much as $10 will get you. Put a tarp up and go to town. I think people should do this instead of therapy. You'd be surprised the amount of stress relief accompanies it. 

just4ds10ee
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 7:07 AM

One day at a time... I have this bottle , when ever I have angry thoughts about my ex I write them down and stick them inside the bottle...that way I get it off my chest and my daughter does not have to hear how I really feel about her dad... I also believe what goes around also comes around ,,, my first realization about that was when I was granted Full Innocent Spouse relieved of the $12,717  joint tax owed , so he is beginning to reap for the pain he put our family through...

Cenedra64
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 7:19 AM
Are we twins? Lol

Quoting mrsjonzy:

Break plates, or any glass really. Go to garage sales, thrift stores, flea markets, and buy as much as $10 will get you. Put a tarp up and go to town. I think people should do this instead of therapy. You'd be surprised the amount of stress relief accompanies it. 

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richsinglemomma
by Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 7:53 AM
1 mom liked this

My experience and advice is to write everything you feel in a letter. Whether you mail that letter is up to you. But the process of getting it out really, really helps. You can't keep all that stuff inside and expect to have a healthy and happy life. 

The longer you seethe the more control he has over you. I know that's not what you want. Let it go, not for him, but for you and your kids. Forgive yourself for not getting out sooner and forgive him for letting you down. You are not letting him off the hook but are releasing yourself from all the anger that can turn into major health problems.

I hope this helps and makes sense for you to try.

All the best!

Samantha Gregory
A veteran single mom - Ask me anything


Caramel824
by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:48 AM
I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT dealing with my children's fathers,so the hostility spills out into road rage,buyers remorse after my shopaholic SPATS,and I yell at my kids cuz they'll do something that looks and acts like those non child support paying entities.
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