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A broken heart, and an unborn baby. I don't know what to do.

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:58 PM
  • 12 Replies

I fell hard for my summer love.  He was everything I could have asked for and more. We just clicked, and everything kind of fell into place.  We spent every single day together until eventually he decided to move in. Not long after that we found out I was pregnant.  I remember the very moment I told him.  I took a pregnancy test while I was at work. He came in to bring me some lunch, and he could just tell by the look on my face that something was wrong so I showed him the test.  He wrapped his arms around me, and told me that everything was going to be okay. That no matter what happened, we were going to be a family and he would make sure that me and the baby would be taken care of.  He was happy, really happy. His dad wasn't around when he was little, so I think he was kind of longing to be the father that he never had.  I wasn't so sure I felt the same way.  I love kids, and I love him. But at 21 years old, how ready can you really be to have a child?  I pondered the thought of abortion but when I finally brought myself to talk to him about that as an option he freaked out. He started crying and telling me that I couldn't kill his child.  The more I thought about it, the scareder I got and I told him that I made up my mind.  That I wasn't ready to have a kid.  As soon as I told him that, everything changed. We started fighting all the time, the sex was just sex. And slowly everything started to fall apart.  I still hadn't got the abortion at this point because I was waiting for my state health care to get approved.  One night we got in a terrible fight, things were said that will never be forgiven, and he left. I came home from work, and all his stuff was gone.  It's been about a month since we broke up.  My health care app still hadn't been approved, so I still couldn't afford the abortion.  I was laying in bed, feeling my stomach, when I noticed I could start to feel it getting hard.  Just a tiny bump.  Nothing noticeable when I'm standing up, but you can definitely tell when I'm laying down. I just started balling my eyes out.  Now I'm completely unsure as to what I want to do.  I'm 15 weeks right now, so I know I don't have a lot of time to make up my mind.  One thing I'm really concerned about, is the fact that I did drink a couple of times after him and I broke up.  Not extensively, but at that point I was 100% sure that I wasn't keeping the baby.  Now I feel like maybe I want to keep it, but I don't know how the alcohol would have effected it, if at all. I know Jeremy would be a wonderful dad. Regardless of the fact him and I would probably never work things out, I know he'd always be here for his son.  At least I think so.  But being a single mom terrifies me.  That's never how I pictured my life. I was supposed to get married, and have a career, and then have a baby.  I'm afraid of going through everything alone.  I'm afraid of not being able to provide the kind of home my child deserves.  But at the same time, I love him.  He's not here, and I still haven't made up my mind, but I already love him more than anything.   I got a letter in the mail yesterday that my health care plan has finally been accepted and I know I need to make a decision. I know that nobody can make this decision for me, but any advice you could give me would be much appreciated. 

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mila19
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:18 PM
This is a really sad story. Im only 14 weeks pregnant and I couldnt see myself doin that to my baby. I think that if your not ready you can do the whole abortion thing or you can give the baby away to people who would care about your baby and love your baby. I will say this, I had an abortion with my baby daddy now, I regert it. I felt like shit, and a really bad person. Its hurts. & I promised to myself I wouldnt do it again. At least the dad wants to be in ur life. And things happen for a reason. God doesnt put things in ur life you couldnt handle. I hope you make the best choice for you and for your baby. & I found out I was pregnant at almost 2 months, I smoked alotttttt and the baby thank god was fine. You can do this. You really can. Your baby loves you . I know right now you cant feel it or know it yet but your baby does need and love you. And my mom always told me not to say anythin bad about my baby because they can feel it :/ even tho I would never say anything bad :/ idk I hoped I helped you out. Ur not alone. We can all help u so can ur family


Quoting kels1023:

I fell hard for my summer love.  He was everything I could have asked for and more. We just clicked, and everything kind of fell into place.  We spent every single day together until eventually he decided to move in. Not long after that we found out I was pregnant.  I remember the very moment I told him.  I took a pregnancy test while I was at work. He came in to bring me some lunch, and he could just tell by the look on my face that something was wrong so I showed him the test.  He wrapped his arms around me, and told me that everything was going to be okay. That no matter what happened, we were going to be a family and he would make sure that me and the baby would be taken care of.  He was happy, really happy. His dad wasn't around when he was little, so I think he was kind of longing to be the father that he never had.  I wasn't so sure I felt the same way.  I love kids, and I love him. But at 21 years old, how ready can you really be to have a child?  I pondered the thought of abortion but when I finally brought myself to talk to him about that as an option he freaked out. He started crying and telling me that I couldn't kill his child.  The more I thought about it, the scareder I got and I told him that I made up my mind.  That I wasn't ready to have a kid.  As soon as I told him that, everything changed. We started fighting all the time, the sex was just sex. And slowly everything started to fall apart.  I still hadn't got the abortion at this point because I was waiting for my state health care to get approved.  One night we got in a terrible fight, things were said that will never be forgiven, and he left. I came home from work, and all his stuff was gone.  It's been about a month since we broke up.  My health care app still hadn't been approved, so I still couldn't afford the abortion.  I was laying in bed, feeling my stomach, when I noticed I could start to feel it getting hard.  Just a tiny bump.  Nothing noticeable when I'm standing up, but you can definitely tell when I'm laying down. I just started balling my eyes out.  Now I'm completely unsure as to what I want to do.  I'm 15 weeks right now, so I know I don't have a lot of time to make up my mind.  One thing I'm really concerned about, is the fact that I did drink a couple of times after him and I broke up.  Not extensively, but at that point I was 100% sure that I wasn't keeping the baby.  Now I feel like maybe I want to keep it, but I don't know how the alcohol would have effected it, if at all. I know Jeremy would be a wonderful dad. Regardless of the fact him and I would probably never work things out, I know he'd always be here for his son.  At least I think so.  But being a single mom terrifies me.  That's never how I pictured my life. I was supposed to get married, and have a career, and then have a baby.  I'm afraid of going through everything alone.  I'm afraid of not being able to provide the kind of home my child deserves.  But at the same time, I love him.  He's not here, and I still haven't made up my mind, but I already love him more than anything.   I got a letter in the mail yesterday that my health care plan has finally been accepted and I know I need to make a decision. I know that nobody can make this decision for me, but any advice you could give me would be much appreciated. 


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britmichele
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:22 PM
1 mom liked this
That's a hard decision sweetie... I think you have to really feel it in your heart to make the decision. I'm a single mom,to a child with downs syndrome. my sons asshole sperm donor didn't want part of his life. I can tell you its isn't easy, but it's the most rewarding job ever. Good luck to you, im sending positive thoughts your way. Message me if you'd like to talk, im a great listener
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Nena70
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:35 PM

Im thinking of you and you have gone thought alot. We definitely don't plan for these things to happen. It sounds like you do love him . Communication can resolve alot. Its up to you to make this decision. Fetus' can tolerate alot and if it wasnt meant to be it wouldnt have. Next week with an ultrasound you can find out the sex.  Getting a prenatal appointment with a MD to further discuss how you feel and what to expect and get some tests may be helpful.  He may of got scared and hurt but if you go forward with this, the relationship, with honest love , communication and time may work out.   Make your decision with your heart in mind, honesty , peace and love. 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:52 PM
You need to make that decision for yourself don't count on him being around. There is always adoption
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Mamaa2Them19
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:00 PM
I'm in sorta the same situation.... He was perfect then everything changed and he's not around... I hate him, But I love this baby and will do everything in my power to give him a great life :) It's Going to be hard, but worth it.. Good Luck to you!
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MamaHens3
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:03 PM

I read the title, and I felt like I could relate. My babies daddy, and I were like this at the start. An seemed like it was awesome, we clicked and something fall apart. He emotinally left me, just stopped talking to me when I was 3 months along. I was a single mother to an unborn child, a soon divorcee of three children single parenting them. I was scared as hell, I couldn't do the move of doing something I'd regret. I knew it'd be hard to be a true single parent, to a child that their father wouldn't give a rip about. At her 16 months old, I adore her so much and from day 1 of knowing she was in there I fall in love. I am me though, I am not not going to tell someone what to do. What they should, I personally know I could handle it yet I was afraid emotinally I'd broken. I made it, and am making it. I was married to my now XDH 8 yrs, together 9 and most of our marraige with children I was raising them alone. He just earned the $, provided shelter for us yet at the end of the day I did it all. I gave up who I was, what I did and those kids were my life. I knew how to be a single mother, yet I didn't know it on the aspect of I was going to be doing it without someone even "being there". 

You do what you feel, you can do this and if your scared shoot we're all scared when comes to single parenting. You aren't alone, you aren't going to be in this alone ever. If he's going to be part of your life, for the child's sake that's awesome and your lucky for that. You can do this if you feel you can, don't under estimate yourself or doubt your strength. 

kels1023
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:24 PM

Thanks for all of the encouraging words.  I admire anyone who can go thruogh this alone. I know I could never do adoption.  I already love this baby, there is absolutely no way I could give him or her to another family, even if it was for the best.  My biggest worry is failure. I know I have all of the love in he world to give, but being able to provide for my child is what scares me.  How do you make ends meet? I can barely afford my bills as it is, let alone with a baby.  I guess feeling alone is something that scares me too. I don't have a lot of friends, and my family and I aren't close. So not having that support system is terrifying.  I know it's not a good reason to take the easy way out though. And I honestly don't know if I could ever go through with an abortion, especially now that I'm 15ish weeks along. I feel in my heart that I know I want to keep this baby. I know I can do it, people do it every day. I just want to be able to give him/her the best life possible.  I'm also worried that the few times I have drank may leave permenant damage. I'm not sure what kind of complications that can bring on though. Would a doctor be able to tell now if it had any effect? Or is that something that would show up later in life? Money is a huge factor too.  How did you all make ends meet when the baby was born? Taking time off to take care of your kid and not being able to work, how did you keep up with bills? I want to be the best mom I can be, I just wish this wasn't such a scary thing to do alone. 


Thank you all again, for your encouraging words.  Nobody can make this decision but me, but hearing someone tell me I can do it definitely helps a lot.  I've had nothing but negative feedback from friends, so it's nice to hear that everything will be okay, even without him in the picture. 

DeAnthonysMom
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 1:35 AM
My baby's dad and I had broken up before I found out I was pregnant and when I told him he said he didn't want anything to do with us. That was the last I saw him. I was heartbroken for a long time too but I knew already that I was staying pregnant even though it meant id be alone.
So my son was born with special Needs and I'm a single parent. It's the hardest most rewarding job of my life. Hes a year old now. Sometimes I sill can't believe that we ve come this far and I've also had to do a lot on my own because I don't have a reliable support system.
Bt we re still going :)
So all I want to say is good luck! You'll make the right decision. You just have to trust yourself. If u do decide to keep your baby it sounds like you'll be able to step up and take care of what u need to do for the both of you.
*hugs*
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Mommyandme878
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 10:56 AM

I know it may be hard now, and you don't know what you want to do.. But I think the best decision is to keep your baby. You created that little creature and it's growing inside you.. It depends on you to keep it safe and healthy. And it always will. You and the father may be having issues but if he was THAT excited to find out you were pregnant I'm sure he'll be around when the baby is actually here. It is ultimately your decision, but I think you should keep your baby and talk to the father. My sons father left when I was 17 weeks pregnant, and he is one of the best fathers I've ever seen, and we are not together. My son is a very happy baby and he loves both of us. We have both moved on now and things are different than they were but I wouldn't change it for the world. Just keep your head up and make the decision YOU think is right. 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:02 AM

Hugs!

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