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When do you stop trying?!

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:20 AM
  • 39 Replies

My LO is almost six months & her bio dad left me when i was around 7 weeks & we didnt speak for an entire year... he said he wanted nothing to do with me or LO up until last week when we finally spoke & he acknowledged that LO is his daughter & he said he wanted to apologize for everything...

We were supposed to meet up yesterday so he could apologize & we could discuss where we wanted things to go from there... I waited for 30 minutes to meet up & he never showed nor did he contact me to say he wouldnt be coming... Im not sure why I was so hurt because it doesnt surprise me at all but i cried & everything about it... i just want him to be a father!

So my question is for you single mommies who do not communicate with your LO's bio dad how did you let go of the hope of him being in LO's life?! When did you finally stop trying?! I don't know if I should try again after all that's happened over the past year... im just wasting my time but i keep trying for my daughter.

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:20 AM
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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:23 AM
I stopped trying when my daughter was 2. I tried everything I could to make him be apart of her life and finally said fuck it. We haven't spoke since, and he hasn't seen my daughter since she was 6 months old.
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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:29 AM

thats so horrible... some guys dont deserve to be called men... to not even ask about your own flesh & blood doesnt make any sense to me at all... i dont know if i'll ever come to terms with the fact that my daughters bio dad is a total deadbeat!

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:31 AM
I stopped trying when this past summer we were without electricity. He said he didnt care if the girls went into foster care. Gave my dd names of foster parents who could take her
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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:34 AM
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I think you will always have the deep down hope he will one day wake up and want to be a part of your child's life, or get to know them. Of course in most cases that just doesn't happen and that is what hurts.  Some men get a rise out of knowing the can still make you meet them or agree to meet them, it's a rush for them. (because we never want our child to say, u didn't put forth enough effort for them to have a relationship with their bio dad. You want to say, I did everything I could. It sounds like you did here.  Do what you must to have him pay his support(or at least make it official thru the courts) I know making them pay it is another story.. Do your best to move on. Good luck. He knows how to reach you if he wants to be a part of your child's life.

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:38 AM

what a bastard!

by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:48 AM

I stopped trying a month ago, and my son is turning 7 months in a few days.  You cannot force someone to be there.  If someone abandons you for an entire pregnancy and the first several months of your child's life, you are much better off without them.

I was alone from 12 weeks onward, and it was very difficult.  My ex popped in and out too, until it finally clicked in my head that I didn't need to let him keep hurting me again and again. 

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:49 AM

 I stopped trying years ago and my son will be 8 years old next month. He comes around every now and then. He comes around when he wants to but my son doesn't expect much. I doubt he'll come around for Christmas but he's known to pop up at the strangest times. Hopefully my Christmas will be drama free this year

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:53 AM

@SexyDiva hope your holiday goes well too!

@RidingSolo you're so right & i know how you feel to be left through pretty much your entire pregnancy...

i just hope one day all these deadbeats wake up & realize theyre dead wrong for abandoning their children... i fear it wont hit my lo's dad until he's on his deathbed & by then it'll be far too late

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 9:01 AM
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One thing I've learned through a quote I heard many years ago,

"People make choice and you can't make them do what they don't want to do". 

For me that meant their choices are no reflection on me or my children. I saw my son's bio father's decision to be absent as a way for me to raise him with my values. It was an opportunity to pour so much love on my son that he wouldn't feel the void. He may ask about him but he's not devastated that his dad is absent. A little sad, yes., but not heartbroken.

You daughter will watch and take on your feelings about her dad. Decide if you want her to be emotionally healthy and happy, then decide to be that yourself. I hope that makes sense to you. Let go, release, forgive, do whatever it takes to be in a good place. He will come around if it's meant to be. But if he doesn't decide you will move forward and create a beautiful life with your daughter and be ready for the day when a man who is worthy of you both comes into your life and can be the father you always wanted her to have.

Samantha Gregory
A veteran single mom - Ask me anything

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:14 AM

I was married to my ex for 26 years when he decided to tell me he was cheating on me for three years.  He even fathered two kids in the process.  We have a daughter together and for all of the years since the day she was born he was a father to her.   Since we divorced, my ex has a new life - new wife and new kids.  He's barely treated our daughter with respect.  He treated me like garbage and trashed our marriage.  He has tried to force his new life on our daughter.  I can't believe he's doing that since we were both thrown a hardball curve with his indescretions.  Now he wants to shove his disgusting life on our daughter?  She has refused to spend time with her father because he won't stop asking her to come over to his home and be 'friends' with the homewrecker and be a sibling to two toddlers.   Instead of just being a father to our daughter and spend time with her and only her, he refuses to even do this.  He's stopped paying college support, so this also puts a hinder on their relationship.  He had our daughter's car repoed and I had to get a loan just to get her a new car.  We lived in financial hell for many years.  He continues to live in a financial diaster with his new life.  He's already declared a Chap 7.  He was married before me and fathered a girl.  She's 31.  He's not seen her since the day he and his first wife divorced.  He's obviously has a record of being a horrible father.  I know if he doesn't change his ways he will lose yet another child. 

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