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I need help! Newly single expectant mother!

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 11:51 AM
  • 11 Replies

Good Morning,

I am a desperate single mother due in 4 weeks with my first baby boy. I was living with my ex fiance(whom I thought was the love of my life) we were going to get married next year, have our first baby together and everything was going good or at least I thought so. On November 29th, he decided that he needed his time and that I was pressuring him and he did not want to work things out with me. We were supposed to move into his father's house to save some money, our baby was going to have his own room and we were going to have our room. Two days before moving out from our apartment I asked since I saw it coming if he wanted to work things out for our new baby and he said he did not. I told him that I did not want to suffer anymore and most important our baby was suffering too. On that same week he got home Monday night at 5am and Tuesday at 3am. I was noticing he was acting weird specially in front of this girl we both know and even asked him if he had feelings for her, of course, he replied that I was going crazy. Long story short, I moved by myself in a 1bed, I am due in 4 weeks and he left me for that same girl that I suspected he was seeing. I am devastated, my heart is cut in half, I love my ex but he betrayed us and I can't handle this feeling anymore. I am desperate and would like this feeling to go away as soon as possible.I am looking for advice form women like me. I did not plan this pregnancy on my own and I feel like I can't handle this aymore

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 11:51 AM
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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 11:55 AM
Be strong!! You can make it on your own. He may just be freaking out about all the responsibility. Be sure to start getting cs and visitation in order before the baby is born. Look into daycare options, apply for aid if you need to. Do you have family? You must have a job if you could afford your own place?
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by Gold Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 11:58 AM


by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:12 PM
Right now you situation is difficult to handle but as the saying goes "it will get better with time." You may have the urge to get revenge on him or not include him when it comes to the baby and though these feelings are normal I urge you not to act on them. Your role is to concentrate on yourself and the baby. Let him know when the baby is born and when he has apps and where you will be doing daycare and all the essentials but that's it. He doesn't deserve any more from you than that. It's commonly said in court to act as if your arrangements with him are a business arrangement. Need to know only. Don't go inviting him to your house for family dinners or buying him birthday gifts. In the mean time do something to brighten your house like placing a vase of fresh flowers where you can see them and make sure you are getting out of your apartment regularly and participating in life so you don't get depressed even if it is only going to the grocery store and running errands. Also smiling at people helps because they will smile back and your brian will register happiness. Most of all be kind, and mature, and don't act fast or irrational. If he upset you, wait and think about it before you respond. Most split couples will eventually find themselves in custody or visitation court. It's your job to make sure he has nothing on you that will put you in a bad light. No yelling or swearing, no holding back information about the child, no empty threats, etc... One thing to keep in mind, if you put the dad on the birth certificate and he takes the baby, he does not have to return the baby unless you take him to court. So, I would go down to the courthouse and file for custody ASAP. This is very important. You don't need a lawyer.
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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:58 PM
You can do this on your own. You dont need a lying cheater to raise the baby with you. When its born, immediately file for custody and child support. He wont have to take the visitation (you cant force him to be a dad) but he will have to pay you support. Focus on yourself and the baby. Keep busy and be around people. Dont let the thought of him enter your head. You deserve to be treated better and you will eventually find someone else. In the meantime, just do what you have to do to create a good life for you and baby.
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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:59 PM
Mine left 11 weeks ago. I think I've had time to mourn that the pregnancy and my life won't be what it is supposed to be. It's still hard, but I'm looking forward to getting to have a lot of unshared time when my son is born and also the freedom to do stuff every once in awhile when his dad comes to get him. I'm also thinking a lot about how he's treated me over the years and look forward to finding a guy someday who does better. I'm just looking forward and that has helped.
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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 1:14 PM

Be strong and do not give up!..Just like the last lady said..he can just be scared of how his life is going to change as well. I will kepp you on my prays and tyr to talk to him and his family if you can!..Sometimes the family can help him see what he is doing and can help lead him in the correct path!

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 2:45 PM

 HI and welcome to the group.

You will find answers soon and find a way to get through it all.  Be strong.

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 3:05 PM

You don't need a man like that by your side, you will find the strength to keep pushing forward if not for you then for your unborn child. The sooner you let go of the past the sooner you can start to focus on the little person that will be here. I'm not saying it's going to be easy to forget the hurt or to stop being hurt but now is the time to try to make the best of the situation you are in. Be thankful you have your own place, thankful your baby is healthy and thankful that you will have a little one to love, if you focus on that things will feel much better. 

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 4:43 PM

I do have a job, thanks God! My mother is staying with me and I have her support! I am so confused about everything that is happening to me. He's treated me like the enemy. First, leaving me at 34 weeks pregnant, the cheating on me with someone I know, the lies. I am so upset, all I did was love this guy with passion and this is his payback. I pray for strength! That's all I pray for!

by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:43 PM

Oh friend, I'm so sorry you're facing this pregnancy alone. I can imagine how heartbroken you must feel right now. :( And, I just wanted to say that I'm joining my prayers with yours right now. I know you're feeling alone, but I also know God hasn't forgotten about you. And, I'm really glad you have the support of your mom. It makes such a difference to have family around during times like these. Maybe you'd also want to see if you can connect with some other single moms in your area who can help you through this time and relate to what you're facing? Maybe something like MOPS or a local church could help you find a group? Just a thought. Well, hang in there and know someone out there is thinking of you!

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