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Transitional Period

Posted by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:55 AM
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How many of you are going through a transitional period with their SO's or exes?  Transitional as in working out your personal relationship with your chid(s) father.  I'm going through that right now.  My ex is being a total jerkwad about actually being a father to our daughter.  He's done everything he can thus far to be the biggest jerk possible.  I've had to deal with this throughout our marriage.  Working or trying to work with someone that is extremely difficult and very complex in personality.  Someone who needed to be spoken to about the choices he made and continues to make.  Idiot choices that effect your child's life.  The same idiotic things that affected your marriage.  I have been told that once you are divorced you will always have to deal with the ex.  No matter what happens with your child(ren) and their relationship, as a mother and ex-wife you are always going to be pulled back into his life because of the choices he continues to make.  You are always going to be a part of his family unless you are pushed away by them.  I've been lucky to have great IL's.  Still welcome in their home.  There will always be a bond between us.  I grew up in a divorced home.  When my parents divorced my mom was no longer a part of my dad's family.  She started a new life with my step-dad.  She never spoke to my father.  Different scenario from mine.  My mom and dad divorced due to my dad's inability to provide well.  My mom and I seemed to pick the same kind of man to marry.  Big difference was that my dad never cheated on her.  I never thought I would be divorced like my mom.  I saw how sad she was knowing that we kids came from a broken home. 

My ex and I no longer talk.  If I ever talk to him I will end up exploding.  I'm unable to talk to him about anything.  He's made too many mistakes and continues to be a complete moron, lousy father and loser in life.  I feel sorry for him.  He could of had a decent life with me had he just been a decent provider and not chased after a co-worker.  His own daughter won't speak to him.  His own brother can't stand him.  And his parents are heartbroken over what he's done to mess up his life. 

by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:55 AM
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recovered55
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 3:23 PM
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Sounds like my situation. My ex continues to make stupid Decisions.. Like marrying a girlfriend of two months who is out on bond for two felonies. She goes to prison in march. I will never forgive him for marrying a violent felon alcoholic.
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PumpkinSpice8
by Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 3:38 PM
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I think we are past that. BD divorced his wife of two years and suddenly all his harassment of my family and custody and court dates stopped. He's almost... Nice. I still don't trust him and keep a hawk eye out in case his antics begin again but things are rather pleasent.

Can I recommend you read "Joint Custody With A Jerk." Excellent book even if you have full custody.

I wish you luck with your ex. I know it must be hard to envision a day when things are calm and happy, but it can get there. Just keep your ducks in a row!
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EachNewBreath
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 3:18 AM

My now ex husband left us for his mistress. His reasons where that 1) he didnt want to be a husbnad and tied down 2) he didnt want to be a father. um ok his mistress has 3 children all by different fathers. She JUST got of rehab and has all sorts of issues. She doesnt even have custody of all of her children. Its so sad. And to think that he wants to pull my son in to that mess just enrages me

Quoting recovered55:

Sounds like my situation. My ex continues to make stupid Decisions.. Like marrying a girlfriend of two months who is out on bond for two felonies. She goes to prison in march. I will never forgive him for marrying a violent felon alcoholic.


EachNewBreath
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 3:19 AM
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I feel like I could have written your post *hugs* 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Dec. 14, 2012 at 9:16 AM
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Hugs mama I've been lucky DS's father is invisible. My friend is going through all this to the point her ex has called the cops saying her bf attacked him just to get him in jail and to say he's violent and doesn't want his kids around him. This guy wouldn't hurt a fly
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:12 AM
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Quoting EachNewBreath:

My now ex husband left us for his mistress. His reasons where that 1) he didnt want to be a husbnad and tied down 2) he didnt want to be a father. um ok his mistress has 3 children all by different fathers. She JUST got of rehab and has all sorts of issues. She doesnt even have custody of all of her children. Its so sad. And to think that he wants to pull my son in to that mess just enrages me

Quoting recovered55:

Sounds like my situation. My ex continues to make stupid Decisions.. Like marrying a girlfriend of two months who is out on bond for two felonies. She goes to prison in march. I will never forgive him for marrying a violent felon alcoholic.

 

Men always think the grass is always greener but it's THEM that have the problem.  Our exes have made their choices in life.  And, like my mom once told me that rings so well in my life 'you make your own life choices, so make good ones'.   We can only shake our heads and wonder why our exes just couldn't be happy being with us.  We gave them good lives.  I guess males like them will never be satisfied and will continue to look for ways to make themselves happy.  I doubt it will ever happen. 

Hugs to you ladies.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:13 AM


Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

I think we are past that. BD divorced his wife of two years and suddenly all his harassment of my family and custody and court dates stopped. He's almost... Nice. I still don't trust him and keep a hawk eye out in case his antics begin again but things are rather pleasent.

Can I recommend you read "Joint Custody With A Jerk." Excellent book even if you have full custody.

I wish you luck with your ex. I know it must be hard to envision a day when things are calm and happy, but it can get there. Just keep your ducks in a row!


Thanks, mama.  And, thank you, too, for recommending this book.  I'm going to check it out.  I need all the mental healing I can get!  ; )

EachNewBreath
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 4:21 PM

He said later with me that he though that I would always leave him and that I was too good for him. Since he is the "knight in shinning armor" with his now GF he feels a lot better...... um ok LOL

Quoting steviechick:


Quoting EachNewBreath:

My now ex husband left us for his mistress. His reasons where that 1) he didnt want to be a husbnad and tied down 2) he didnt want to be a father. um ok his mistress has 3 children all by different fathers. She JUST got of rehab and has all sorts of issues. She doesnt even have custody of all of her children. Its so sad. And to think that he wants to pull my son in to that mess just enrages me

Quoting recovered55:

Sounds like my situation. My ex continues to make stupid Decisions.. Like marrying a girlfriend of two months who is out on bond for two felonies. She goes to prison in march. I will never forgive him for marrying a violent felon alcoholic.


Men always think the grass is always greener but it's THEM that have the problem.  Our exes have made their choices in life.  And, like my mom once told me that rings so well in my life 'you make your own life choices, so make good ones'.   We can only shake our heads and wonder why our exes just couldn't be happy being with us.  We gave them good lives.  I guess males like them will never be satisfied and will continue to look for ways to make themselves happy.  I doubt it will ever happen. 

Hugs to you ladies.


Robsessed98
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 9:16 PM
My ex and I dont speak anymore and I see no signs of that ever changing.
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Dec. 17, 2012 at 10:37 AM
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Quoting EachNewBreath:

He said later with me that he though that I would always leave him and that I was too good for him. Since he is the "knight in shinning armor" with his now GF he feels a lot better...... um ok LOL

Quoting steviechick:

 

Quoting EachNewBreath:

My now ex husband left us for his mistress. His reasons where that 1) he didnt want to be a husbnad and tied down 2) he didnt want to be a father. um ok his mistress has 3 children all by different fathers. She JUST got of rehab and has all sorts of issues. She doesnt even have custody of all of her children. Its so sad. And to think that he wants to pull my son in to that mess just enrages me

Quoting recovered55:

Sounds like my situation. My ex continues to make stupid Decisions.. Like marrying a girlfriend of two months who is out on bond for two felonies. She goes to prison in march. I will never forgive him for marrying a violent felon alcoholic.

 

Men always think the grass is always greener but it's THEM that have the problem.  Our exes have made their choices in life.  And, like my mom once told me that rings so well in my life 'you make your own life choices, so make good ones'.   We can only shake our heads and wonder why our exes just couldn't be happy being with us.  We gave them good lives.  I guess males like them will never be satisfied and will continue to look for ways to make themselves happy.  I doubt it will ever happen. 

Hugs to you ladies.

 


I can SO relate to the 'knight in shining armor' character.  My ex snuck behind my back to be with his mistress (now current wife) for three years.  He told her all kinds of BS about himself.  From helping her with her legal issues (he's not an atty) to her financial issues (he's not a CPA).  He's simply just knowledgable about these things.  My ex lives a life of fraud and cover-ups.  He tries to persuade people into thinking he's great, but everyone knows he's full of BS.  The only ones that don't are the victims.  He borrowed money from me to 'show' to her that he had money of his own to provide for her and their unborn child and then later on when their first was born he borrowed even more money from me.  He also snuck furniture from our house and gave it to her.  More than likely told her it was from a 'friend at the unit' or that it was from our 'separation'.  Either way you look at it, frauds like our exes will always get caught lying and llosing in the end. 

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