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For What Its Worth?

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 2:49 AM
  • 10 Replies

 

Poll

Question: is this valid enough reason to make it work for your child's sake

Options:

call it quits while its early

keep family together


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Total Votes: 9

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...I've been in a relationship with my fiancée for 4 years
I'm Pregnant( 7 months) with my first child (babygirl)
his 2nd he has a 12 year old daughter.
Initially in our relationship I noticed he had trust issues
from his past. I thought it would get better as time passed
it got better but I still see my fiancée wont give me his whole
heart. when it comes to opening up his heart,he can't
express his feelings nor show afecttion. When given to
him he doesn't. quite know how to respond. or you'd
be oblivious to know how he feels about what I've said
or done. I don't even know how we're engaged. I'm starting
to feel like its simply because of our daughter on the way

I have doubts after baggering him
he finally told his mother that likes me
that I was pregnant, everybody else in the family knew
He has A 11 year old daughter that is way "too grown"
and spoiled she has no idea about the baby and because
she's slightly rude and disrespectful he has been
embarrassed for me to meet her. so?????
I feel like with that he's scared to live his life
her mother and him have been seperated 10 yrs
but he has a fear shell threaten
him with child support,babymother has another child so
that's pure jealousy if she does that finding out about
my child.to be spiteful.

There hasn't been cheating to my knowledge but I feel so lonely
and I want more out of our relationship. I have to
beg him for love and affection, I swear I sound desperate
we have to plan sex. he might fall asleep. or get busy
but he"ll hold me at night. ive sat and talked to him
I still haven't seen a change in 1 year.
tonight I asked him if he can't see us being a
happy family to let me know now shortly after
I mentioned for a break....
he replied you sure. not even stating why or that it was not
what he wanted. I'm so scared to lose all we put into this
yet I know my worth and what I need from him
our babygirl is due in March and I need to have a clean
mind for her to enjoy and love her prescence.
I'm ready to be a single mother and look
past our engagement for my heart if he can't figure
our situation out on this break.
it'll be hard because I'm carrying his child and he's all iknow
but I have to get my point across.
right now he's getting a new house built
for our family of 3. but with our relationship
on rocks he will find himself alone in a new house.
no wife,no baby!
Last thing I want to do is regret our time put in this
or fight for something he's not willing to fight for



by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 2:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
aj23
by Amanda on Dec. 14, 2012 at 7:21 AM
2 moms liked this

Never stay in a relationship thinking things will change, they won't. And never stay in one for the kids sake. Kids pick up on the unhappiness and it's worse for them to be with two parents who are together and hate each other than it is to be with with two parents who are separate but happy.

Also the fact that you are about to have a baby with him but have never met his other child is a red flag. Even if she's a brat if he's involved in her life then you should meet her. The whole deal with the ex sounds fishy.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Dec. 14, 2012 at 8:39 AM
1 mom liked this
You need to talk to him counseling is great. Not meeting his older child would be a red flag for me too. Good luck and welcome
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steviechick
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:31 AM

Learned behavior is something hard to change.  I was with a man that I thought I could change and learned the hard way he never will.  In fact, he's become even worse since he cheated on me and left me a year ago.  A very complex man indeed.  I doubt he will ever be happy in his miserable life.  A marriage or relationship for that matter won't work if the two of you can't be happy.  Kids should never be a part of a marriage just to keep it together.  They aren't pawns.  They have feelings and emotions.  A family has to be a unit in order to be happy and survive.  Since he won't introduce you to the other child I would think that's a major issue.  Everything about a good relationship is based on honesty and respect.  His other life sounds very odd. 

On a side note:  My ex hid the mistress from me for three years AND two kids they had together.  What's that say about him and trust and honesty in general?   What's that say about his mistress?  Both of them accept dishonesty and betrayal as a big part of their own relationship.  I would hate to be them and have no conscience.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 12:49 PM

 i wouldnt have put up w him hiding me from his ex and kid long enough to get pregnant.

dahlya21
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 1:45 PM
That's one of the biggest red flags. I have not met his
daughter and I'm having his daughter. And he says he
sees us being a family. I ask about her give him advice
on how to deal with her. but yet he hasn't been like"
"damn maybe they should meet before the baby gets here"
or he's not thinking about how his daughter would
feel if one day she just saw a baby? so I'm
more than confused as to what to said to him
were on a break...but he just doesn't seem to
understand my concerns or maybe he doesn't
really care
brieri
by Platinum Member on Dec. 14, 2012 at 2:57 PM
1 mom liked this

 It sounds like both of you are going through growing pains and don't know what to do.  Just take one day at a time and enjoy each others company, because when baby comes it's going to be hectic and the baby will change both of your lives over the course of years.  As far as his ex, she may try to get more support, and she can, but not for a child that's not related to him.

Robsessed98
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:12 PM
Dont stay thinking hes gonna change once youre married or the babys here because odds are he wont. If youre having serious doubts, you need to at least take a break from him for a while so you can both sort out your feelings. If you start a marriage like this, it will only get worse.
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larissacst
by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:32 PM

Um, it's one thing to be with someone for 4 years and not live together yet but another and you haven't met his child yet!? Tell him what you've told us. Good luck. The only positive I see is he's getting a house built for ya'll. 

eb13
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:33 AM
If you are having a baby together, you will always be tied to him in some way. In my opinion, be honest with him that you are feeling insecure about things, but care to try to make it work. Suggest counseling and have a professional guide you to make any decision. If he doesn't opt for counseling, you can always go yourself to get advice. You shouldn't have to feel tied to someone who is not really sharing their life with you, but you do have the committment of a child, so maybe seek professional help in making it work or even coping with how to deal with it not working.
tyfry7496
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 10:39 AM
Relationship counseling. Does he see his daughter?

You never stay for the sake of the family or kids. That's worse than leaving.
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