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Single mother of 4 young children and in need of all advice

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 1:33 AM
  • 7 Replies

My name is Angel I have 4 young children. The 3 oldest are my ex husband's. The court has ordered him to pay just $17 a month per child and that is not enough to really help with anything. I also have another son with the guy that got me out of that terrible relationship. My ex was abusive in every meaning of the word. I couldn't count on him for anything that I needed help with. Right now I have having the problem of my kids telling me they want to go live with their dad any time they get in trouble. I've tried everything and I still can't get them to listen to me. I am at my wits end I just don't know what to do. I am afraid to let them live with their dad because before the divorce he always told me he would take off with them if I ever left. I am in school and unemployed right now living with my mom. I have to be out of her house in June because there is just too many people here. I have applied for benifits from the Job Center here and am waiting on that. I also get WIC for my two youngest children. I was living in low income while I was married but when I left my ex he still lived there even though I was head of house. He did not pay the bills and now both of us owe money to them. I can't get back into it until all the money is paid. I don't have any funds after making sure my kids have what they need. I am at a loss for what I should do or how I should go about doing it. I am only 27 years old and feel I can't do this on my own. I would like to find other mom's that have been there and lived through it that can tell me how they did it. I still talk to my youngest son's dad however we are no longer together much to my dismay because I love him still. I was still married when he was born and in the state of Ohio they say I had to put my husband's name down on his birth certificate and I refused to do it knowing that he wasn't the dad. Now I am fighting with getting him any kind of help because of a lack of birth certificate. They are trying to tell me before I can get his dad put on I have to be divorced for almost a year. I can't wait that long seeing as he is now 6 months old and still without one. I need any help I can get from anywhere anyone knows of. 

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 1:33 AM
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Replies (1-7):
Mommyto2LilMen
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 8:12 AM
1 mom liked this
*hugs* sorry you are going through such a hard time.
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Andrewsmom70
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 10:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like you might need to quit school for a while and get a full time job. School will always be there. You need to pay off bills and save money to prepare to move out. It stinks but it's reality sometimes.
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LauraMH
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 10:33 AM

So sorry you are having such a hard time. Have you tried to call 211 and see what services they offer? The other thought I had was a DV shelter. They may be able to help you find ways to get on your feet.

amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 12:37 PM

Welcome Angel!  It sounds like you're in a stressful situation.

Quoting Minit85:

My name is Angel I have 4 young children. The 3 oldest are my ex husband's. The court has ordered him to pay just $17 a month per child and that is not enough to really help with anything. I also have another son with the guy that got me out of that terrible relationship. My ex was abusive in every meaning of the word. I couldn't count on him for anything that I needed help with. Right now I have having the problem of my kids telling me they want to go live with their dad any time they get in trouble. I've tried everything and I still can't get them to listen to me. I am at my wits end I just don't know what to do. I am afraid to let them live with their dad because before the divorce he always told me he would take off with them if I ever left. I am in school and unemployed right now living with my mom. I have to be out of her house in June because there is just too many people here. I have applied for benifits from the Job Center here and am waiting on that. I also get WIC for my two youngest children. I was living in low income while I was married but when I left my ex he still lived there even though I was head of house. He did not pay the bills and now both of us owe money to them. I can't get back into it until all the money is paid. I don't have any funds after making sure my kids have what they need. I am at a loss for what I should do or how I should go about doing it. I am only 27 years old and feel I can't do this on my own. I would like to find other mom's that have been there and lived through it that can tell me how they did it. I still talk to my youngest son's dad however we are no longer together much to my dismay because I love him still. I was still married when he was born and in the state of Ohio they say I had to put my husband's name down on his birth certificate and I refused to do it knowing that he wasn't the dad. Now I am fighting with getting him any kind of help because of a lack of birth certificate. They are trying to tell me before I can get his dad put on I have to be divorced for almost a year. I can't wait that long seeing as he is now 6 months old and still without one. I need any help I can get from anywhere anyone knows of. 


rocky_mtn_mama
by Bronze Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 2:44 PM

Welcome Angel!

Robsessed98
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 3:37 PM
Sounds to me like you need to take a break from school, or cut back your hours, and get a job.
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PNK2012
by on Dec. 21, 2012 at 11:29 AM

 Hi Angel first here are 5 hugs from me, you are doing a good job but lets see if we can make a plan of action to help improve your situation. First of all just breath even if you have to go in the bathroom sit on the toilet and just breath because it can be overwhelming.

What are the ages of your kids if you don't mind me asking? I just want to know if any is school age? If any are school age they have free or reduce lunch programs for low income families.

If they are not in school or need after school care you can contact your department of social service for daycare vouchers. You can also contact them regards to housing where they can temporarily put you in a shelter for women and kids (usually you are assigned a room with another mom and her kids and you share the space). I am not sure how feasible that would be for you depending on the age of the kids.

I think you need a court appointed representative to review your child support case you can speak with DSS and they can refere you so someone can actively advocate your case. The amount of $17 a month seems low for 3 children, unless he is on a very low paying job. What about health insurance?

I know sometimes in order to get benefits from the state you have to enroll in there job program is that the case. If so you have to weigh the pros and cons of going school (time frame for you to finish) being unemployed living with your mom with 4 kids and getting a job that pays enough to cover living on your own. 

I would first try to get CS sorted because that is a help no matter how small. Ensure the kids are secure whether in school or after care and then decided if you want to get a job.

I also hope you have an outlet where you get a break from the kids, church is a good place that lends a helping hand. I hope I have not overwhelmed you and gave you food for thought. 

PNK2012

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