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Please help: Single mother dealing with absent father favoring one child over another

Posted by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 1:57 AM
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Hi, I am a 22 year old single mother with a beautiful baby girl who is 11 months old. Her father is not in the picture, and also has another child only 4 mos older than the one he has with me. My babys name is aniyah jaide her sister by another mothers is named ava elizabeth. I have been struggling with the fact he basically abandoned aniyah since i broke up with him,( we just werent working out and he was adding onto my stress along with not wanting to help out financially) we had struck up a deal that if he sent money out of each oaycheck same as he pays child support to Nicolle for Ava then I would not turn him in for child support for aniyah. he didnt follow up on his part so I finally broke up with him and turned him in in november. i am waiting to be called in to do DNA testing if he denies she is his child and does not sign the paternity acknowledgement form. I am also in college at Universoty of Phoenix ONline majoring in Elementary Education to become a teacher. I am also in the middle of moving out of my mothers house into my own apartment. I have so much pent up anger and stress that I cry myself to sleep so many times making sure my baby doesnt see me upset. I just need advice or maybe other moms who are going through the same thing. He has went back and forth between me and the other "baby momma". At one point me and nicolle were friends and we were looking forward to getting the girls together to meet each other and play as sisters should. She got jealous when she found out i was workking it out with our kids father and she renigged on everything and called me so many names and said I was a bad mother. Now she is with him. And every facebook status he is tagging her in it talking about what a great time he had with "his girls". He has pics of Ava everywhere but none of Aniyah and its like Aniyah doesnt exist anymore to him. It breaks my heart he is favoring one baby over the other. Someone please help me. I am so sick of hurting and struggling feeling like no one understands what I am going through.

by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 1:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
aniyahsmommy11
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 1:59 AM

 this is aniyahs father and her biug sister ava. one of his pics he has of them two all over his fb page...but absolutely none of the ones i have tagged him in or sent to him to upload himself since we are in another state. he uses us being "long distance" as an excuse to ignore aniyah.

Tetiry92
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 2:07 AM
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Well MU ex has no other children and sort of does the same thing except he favors his new wife over our son (she refused to let my ex call our son on his birthday and let her) I would like to be able to tell you it will get better but in reality it probably won't and I would definitely delete him off your FB you don't need or want to see all that
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aniyahsmommy11
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 2:14 AM
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Thats really disrespectful! I'm sorry. It hurts when men choose someone over your child whether its another child they had by someone or a new woman in their life. I dont get why they cant make room for other kids, its like hes incapable of loving both babies. He doesnt answer when i asked if he loved her or if another friend asked he changes the subject but he just dies over Ava. I dont think its fair. And i been deleted him and blocked him from seeing any pics and untagged him. If he wants to ignore her im not guna force her on him. Hes missing out not me. Aniyah was a substitute baby. WHen Nicolle took Ava away cause she was mad for whatever reason thats when he cared about nyny all of a sudden. Now ava is back in his life by default cause she HAS to let him see her since she has nothing to fight with in court anymore aniyah is basically dead to him now. I torture myself and go on his page and loko at what hes asying thinking i just might catch him mentioning he misses his youngest baby (which is nyny). But i had to stop cause i know he will never even acknowledge her or call until he gets that child support packet. He doesnt take me seriously. A friend of his said if he  didnt stop id call in on him. He actually laughed. He didnt give me his address jsut like he wasnt tryna give nicolle his address. She went through all his friends and family and still never got it until they stopped fighting. I just looked up his mothers info online paid 2 bucks for all the addresses shes ever had cause hes never had his own under his own name. I also have his soc security number courtesy of when nicolle was still my friend. I just wish theyd go ahead and hurry up so he can see im not messing around and he WILL be made to take responsibility for the child he helped create!

kristiansmommy1
by Bronze Member on Dec. 22, 2012 at 2:22 AM
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My ex never really had a relationship with my son, we broke up when he was 1, he came around at first but only bc he thought things might work out. Once he realized they wouldn't he stopped. He now has a baby with his new gf and while me and her do get along and want the boys to know each other I feel bad that my son will wonder why he left him and not his brother. The distance was his excuse too but they moved not even 5 mins down the street and he still doesn't bother. His whole family 'forgot' about my son. It was really really hard at first but I'm okay with it now, I finally realized that he's in his 30s, my sons 6 so he's never gonna change. Just know that you do the best you can with trying to have them in her life and that's all you can do. It sucks tho, I'm sorry :(
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Musiq_Junkie
by Bronze Member on Dec. 22, 2012 at 3:59 AM
Ur definitely not alone. Im 22 also & in school. Aaliyah's dad "pretends" like he cares about her, but he has no Pictures of her on his fb. Its just his 2 sons. The messed up Part is they live in TX but him & his daughter live in the SAME state & hes never visited her. Shes 9 months now. M mother constantly invited him over to see her once i moved back in with my parents. He always had some excuse, but after this year im done seeing if he wants to be in her life. I try & take it one day at a time cuz it is really hard i have soooo much resentment towards him!!!
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keke5773
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 4:41 AM
Oh babygirl I kno EXACTLY wht u r talkin abt. We r in very similar situations except my baby is the oldest and the other female baby is the youngest. I can't tell u not to hurt, becuz I still do til this day. But I am starting to realize tht everything happens for a reason. In my case, the dude is no good at all.. alwys lying, always cheating. So I think thts he's giving me and my babygirl a blessing by fallin back. All I can tell u to is to try n keep your head up.. evn through the pain becuz believe it or nt, ur babygirl is watchin ur every move. Be the woman u would want her to grow up to b.. n leave the dead weight where its at. Hope this helped!
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Lyssa42
by Member on Dec. 22, 2012 at 7:54 AM
You are not alone my daughter is 9 months her father has not once even seen her! He has a 4 yr old with his exwife whom he loves and had tons of pictures of her on his fb none of our daughter! He started sending money when Alyssa was born because he didn't want me to go through child support I knew I had to get a court order cause he could just stop whenever he felt like it and sure enough a week before thanksgiving he no longer has any money to send because he got mad at me and now is saying I don't know if she is mine! I files for cs back in June and since he lives in a different state it's taking a lot longer! Hang in there. You will eventually find someone who will love you and your daughter like their own! But I also know the hurt you feel!
Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Dec. 22, 2012 at 8:20 AM
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So sorry he is going that *hugs*
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brieri
by Platinum Member on Dec. 22, 2012 at 11:49 AM

The best thing to do is take it to court get what you need - DNA testing, c/s and visitation started.

aniyahsmommy11
by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 6:52 PM

Thats good that the two of you get along though. I think that adds to it all taht this girl had so much hatred towards me because she was jealous. now that she has him youd think shed be ok with me again but she hasnt unblocked me from facebook to even apologize or acknowledge her childs little sister has a birthday coming up. Its like a double whammy having them both treat us that way. I did all i could do keep Ava in aniyahs life so she can know her sister and I did all i could to keep her father in her life but none of it worked out. I can only hope one ady I will find someone who will love both of us and treat her like shes his own.

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