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Thoughts?!!

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:13 AM
  • 16 Replies
I am 5 months pregnant. I was involved with BD for a couple of months before I got pregnant and the minute I told him he was gone. As hard as it was I accepted that I would be a single parent. A month or so later he contacts me apologizing for the way he reacted and said he needed time to think about things. Since then I've seen him once he texts me once or twice a month to "check in" he's never been to a dr appointment made a big deal about being at my last sono but never showed up and his excuse was because he was in the middle of doing a tattoo and couldn't ask the person to leave WHATEVER. As disappointed as I am I always do my part in letting him know when my appointments are, I sent him pictures of the baby, but I feel like he just doesn't care!!! Last week I found out I was having a baby girl and since he missed the appointment I texted him and now he thinks he should be able to name the baby after his mother whom I've never met btw. I am so frustrated I want my daughter to know her father but I don't think it's fair to keep him around if he's going to be a half ass dad. He has 5 other kids with 4 woman and he's a half ass father to them to. I don't know what to do he doesn't have his shit together but I'm trying my best to be reasonable because I know we all go thru hard times but I think he takes advantage of my kindness. My supporters think I should cut my ties now before the baby comes and accept that I will have to be mom and dad. I want my daughter to know her father but not if its going to be when it's convenient for him and at this point he pops in "text" every other week if I get lucky. Thoughts here please are my people right or should I wait and see how he acts when baby gets here?
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by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 12:06 PM
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I know that is a hard situation but hang in there. I do not think that you should cut all ties with him, but I also don't think you should force him to be a part of his child's life. You should continue to inform him of doc appt and when the baby is born, but leave all communications to that. Don't expect anything but at least you would have told him.

It will ultimately be his choice if he is involved. Prepare yourself to be a single mom but let him see her if he wants. I have never been through this situation but if I had, that is what I would do. GL mamma

brieri
by Platinum Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Ummm, well you did have sex, whether protected or not, it resulted in to a pregnancy.  He is the father of the child.  Chalk it up.  Best thing to do is legalize it so you get everything you need from him -  C/S, viistation set up.  Good luck.

victoriahearts
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I have to agree with PP, I would keep him informed of anything related to your child and let him decide what he would like to do.Regardless of whether he is involved in your child life or not , you will still continue to be a single mom as you are the primary caregiver, so keep taking care of yourself and your baby and let him be involved if his choice is that. But make sure once the baby is born that you make everything legal, get him on CS and also make sure you come up with CO so that he knows what his visitation rights are and this should give you some control and stability in your life and your child's.

Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 3:09 PM
3 moms liked this

I would stop informing him of anything unless he actually contacts you and asks.  Even then, I probably wouldn't answer.  He clearly does not want to be an involved parent, based on how he treats you and how he treats all his other children.

As unpopular of a viewpoint as this may be, I think its better for a child to have no father at all, than one who doesn't truly care.  A half ass dad will just lead to a lot of unnecessary suffering. 

And congrats on the girl!!  :) 

MummiMayI
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 3:10 PM
1 mom liked this

 Keep him informed, but don't have high expectations of him. His actions regarding his other children should be a sign to you of your future. Once the baby gets here file for support and if he wants to be involved them cool, if not oh well. GL

mizzmami
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 5:50 PM
Thank you ladies for your responses. Unfortanetly he is a man that the courts can't find. The other mothers have tried going after him for CS but he roams. He does not have a stable job he works as a tattoo artist but its all under the table. He does not have an address and travels from city to city staying with family or friends. I'm not even going to waist my time getting money from him. My concern is his time. I have spoken with his ex wife mother to his 6 year old son and she struggles all the time with him. She says her son cries and misses his dad and he's just not around. When he does pop in he's really good to his son a very loving father but when it's time to go he's gone for weeks and sometimes months at a time. I couldn't bare to see my child suffer that way. She tells me if she could go back she would have taken her son and ran. It's all very sad either way. In one since I feel like I have the chance to cut him off and not let him around but on the other hand do I let him come around and love her from time to time and them dealing with the heart breaks after wards. I have 4 more months left to think things thru but I am leaning towards cutting my ties and when she's old enough to understand explain things to her and give her that choice to decide. I'm not trying to be one of those mean hateful moms that refuse to allow the father see his child I grew up not knowing my father but he acts like his child is not important. Ugh this sucks
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Robsessed98
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 5:57 PM

Keep letting him know about appointments and how the baby's doing, but be prepared to be a single mom. Let him know when you go in labor, but don't let yourself expect him to be there. Make it legal! As soon as the baby is born, file for custody and support. Whether or not he takes his visitation is on him, but he will have to pay some support. Don't deny him access to the child, but don't bend over backwards to accommodate him either. You can raise the baby just fine without him if that's how it end up. Good luck.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 6:27 PM

 i think you are doing the right thing. keep him informed. he can choose if he wants to attend appts. YOU name your baby. YOU decide if you want him there for the birth. if you dont want him there you can notify him after.

file for support once baby is here but never count or rely on it. if he doesnt pay it let it rack up. you might not get a lot due to his having other cases open. be prepared to do it yourself, but let him visit if he wants to. dont add him to the bc and dont let him take her unless he wants to get a visitation order.

LilAsMom526
by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 9:16 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow that is a tough and sucky situation. Good luck mamacita! and congrats on the baby girl :) do tell us what you decide to name her :)
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kaejordan
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:27 AM
2 moms liked this
Girl I said cut all ties now. U r still young so u will date again and hopefully marry and ur husband can adopt ur daughter and live happily ever after. U dont need to chase behind him by tellin him when the doc appts are, etc. hes a grown man and hes been thourgh this be4. listen to ur ppl n vanish wothout a trace now. If not u are only making hard on urself and ur child. Things r beyond ur control. U should just accept it 4what it is and move on. There are no miracles that are gonna happen on his end and he aint gonna never b da father that u except for ur child. Dont put him on the birth certificate which will make easier for a real man/father to adopt her. My opinion. Hope all goes well. I wish u the best. Listen to ur peoples.
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