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I am 5 months pregnant. I was involved with BD for a couple of months before I got pregnant and the minute I told him he was gone. As hard as it was I accepted that I would be a single parent. A month or so later he contacts me apologizing for the way he reacted and said he needed time to think about things. Since then I've seen him once he texts me once or twice a month to "check in" he's never been to a dr appointment made a big deal about being at my last sono but never showed up and his excuse was because he was in the middle of doing a tattoo and couldn't ask the person to leave WHATEVER. As disappointed as I am I always do my part in letting him know when my appointments are, I sent him pictures of the baby, but I feel like he just doesn't care!!! Last week I found out I was having a baby girl and since he missed the appointment I texted him and now he thinks he should be able to name the baby after his mother whom I've never met btw. I am so frustrated I want my daughter to know her father but I don't think it's fair to keep him around if he's going to be a half ass dad. He has 5 other kids with 4 woman and he's a half ass father to them to. I don't know what to do he doesn't have his shit together but I'm trying my best to be reasonable because I know we all go thru hard times but I think he takes advantage of my kindness. My supporters think I should cut my ties now before the baby comes and accept that I will have to be mom and dad. I want my daughter to know her father but not if its going to be when it's convenient for him and at this point he pops in "text" every other week if I get lucky. Thoughts here please are my people right or should I wait and see how he acts when baby gets here?
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by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:13 AM
Replies (11-16):
soulofsunmama
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:44 AM
1 mom liked this
This

Quoting MummiMayI:

 Keep him informed, but don't have high expectations of him. His actions regarding his other children should be a sign to you of your future. Once the baby gets here file for support and if he wants to be involved them cool, if not oh well. GL

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jeynix
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 11:25 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm a single Mom to a 4 yr old girl... Her Dad is around way too much and depending on his mood it gives way to what kind of Dad he is going to be. Good or bad, I feel I need to subject her to him since I didn't have that.  With that said, if a parent doesn't want to be involved you can't make them.  If he does the come and go type of parenting, it really messes with a girls pschy when she grows up.  I say forget about him, go on with your life and your daughters life. Now, if you are able to get her to have close relationships with her sibblings, that is a better bond for her.  Relationships with sibblings can't be beat, they are going through the same sense loss of not having their Dad.  And who knows you may find that the other Moms can give you the support you need. 

victoriangavin
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Agreed.. My son's father did what your daughters father is doing now... He was jus playing me toward the end so I would feel sorry for him. A months before my son was born I stopped trying and he showed his true colors... Has he ever.gotten anything for the baby? And the naming should be up to you in your case



Quoting Ridingsolo:

I would stop informing him of anything unless he actually contacts you and asks.  Even then, I probably wouldn't answer.  He clearly does not want to be an involved parent, based on how he treats you and how he treats all his other children.


As unpopular of a viewpoint as this may be, I think its better for a child to have no father at all, than one who doesn't truly care.  A half ass dad will just lead to a lot of unnecessary suffering. 


And congrats on the girl!!  :) 


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lightoftheworld
by Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 3:25 PM
1 mom liked this
I totally agree... Sounds like he has a history of being a total douchebag dad and not helping his already-born kids.

I would cut him out of the picture, dont put him on the birth certificate, and focus on finding a good man who is worthy of your and your daughters love.


Quoting kaejordan:

Girl I said cut all ties now. U r still young so u will date again and hopefully marry and ur husband can adopt ur daughter and live happily ever after. U dont need to chase behind him by tellin him when the doc appts are, etc. hes a grown man and hes been thourgh this be4. listen to ur ppl n vanish wothout a trace now. If not u are only making hard on urself and ur child. Things r beyond ur control. U should just accept it 4what it is and move on. There are no miracles that are gonna happen on his end and he aint gonna never b da father that u except for ur child. Dont put him on the birth certificate which will make easier for a real man/father to adopt her. My opinion. Hope all goes well. I wish u the best. Listen to ur peoples.

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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Dec. 29, 2012 at 4:37 PM
1 mom liked this
Welcome! Be prepared to do this on your own pick the name you want and don't give her his last name. Good luck
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abusednotbroken
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 9:51 PM
1 mom liked this

If you do decide on cutting ties, find out information from him now-- illnesses in his family and any other pertinent info you may need later down the road.

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