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when my son asks later on where his dad is what should I say?

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 7:31 PM
  • 12 Replies
His dad wont have any contact with him or me when he's born and hopefully till he's old enough to decide for himself if he wants to meet his dad. But how and what do I tell him where his dad is when he asks? His dad is schizophrenic and I left him when he became violent and now have a restraining order against him. I can't just tell him his dad is a crazy bad man! Help! What should I do?
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by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 7:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 7:37 PM

You have a long time until you need to worry about that.  He probably won't ask until he is at least 2 or 3, and then just start out with age appropriate responses, such as, "Not all families have a daddy and a mommy."  Things like that.  My son is 7 months and I used to worry about the same thing, before he was born (his dad is not around at all either), but then I realized those questions are a long time away.

And maybe you'll end up meeting someone else to fill that role, so he may never even ask. 

Belovedmoonpixi
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 10:45 PM

It´s like sex, you tell them what they can "digest". First you tell him Daddy lives someplace else, not all mommies and daddies live together. If and when he asks why, you can tell him daddy has a sickness that makes it dangerous for (both of you) to live with him. Later on you can start explaining about his sickness, etc... Good luck, momma!

Mommywithtwo23
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 12:45 AM
2 moms liked this

 I beleive that if they are old enough to ask the question the are old enough to have some of the answer. I wouldn't go into it fully but I would let him know that daddy wasn't nice to mommy. so mommy wanted to protect you from him.

and maybe you will meet someone who can fill in as a step father type person for your child.

God bless

Caramel824
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:07 AM
Tell him trying to find JESUS,which we all need to do,and when he gets right with his higher power than he can be YOUR FATHER!!!!
kaejordan
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:48 AM
I told my son dat his dad died. I got preg at 18 and for years my child struggle emotionally about not having his dad. His dad dont want nuthan ti do with him from birth and he sells drugs and is always in and out if prison. We live in two seperate states. My son seen him only once and he got treated badly by BD and his mom. even though I told my son hes a bad guy, I seen that my son still worshiped him like hes gonna come and b a father to him. The BD is on childsupport and owes 32,000 but I will never see a dime. the man is a convicted felon and never worked a job. He sold drugs right infront of my son face to crackheads dat one time my son seen him, a reliable source and my son told me. I was angry and my son called and begged me to come and pick him up. He stay for a weekend and that was the first and last time my son seen him. I couldnt do it anymore, my son is 12.i told him the truth on how is dad is and he still thinks his dad is the most amazing man of all time so I waited about a year later and told my son to my knowledge his dad died. Now hes thinks his dad is w jesus and doesnt talk or ask about him anymore. Good for all of us.
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labrax
by Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 10:00 AM

I understand you cos I told my boys their dad too was dead. It sounds callous but they kept waiting for him to call or show up and it was beginning to affect them socially especially my first and second boys.

Now, they are focused and believe he's with Jesus too. When they are old enough,I'll tell them the truth and leave them to make their choices but for now, I need them to focus on growing up.

Quoting kaejordan:

I told my son dat his dad died. I got preg at 18 and for years my child struggle emotionally about not having his dad. His dad dont want nuthan ti do with him from birth and he sells drugs and is always in and out if prison. We live in two seperate states. My son seen him only once and he got treated badly by BD and his mom. even though I told my son hes a bad guy, I seen that my son still worshiped him like hes gonna come and b a father to him. The BD is on childsupport and owes 32,000 but I will never see a dime. the man is a convicted felon and never worked a job. He sold drugs right infront of my son face to crackheads dat one time my son seen him, a reliable source and my son told me. I was angry and my son called and begged me to come and pick him up. He stay for a weekend and that was the first and last time my son seen him. I couldnt do it anymore, my son is 12.i told him the truth on how is dad is and he still thinks his dad is the most amazing man of all time so I waited about a year later and told my son to my knowledge his dad died. Now hes thinks his dad is w jesus and doesnt talk or ask about him anymore. Good for all of us.


LifeCafe42
by Nora on Dec. 29, 2012 at 5:08 PM
1 mom liked this
My son is 2 1/2 he just told me the other day I don't have a daddy. I told him that he does and he loves him but can't be around but he has so many people that love him that can be and listed off a bunch of people he accepted that for now we will see later
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tyfry7496
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 6:36 PM
1 mom liked this
What?

Quoting Caramel824:

Tell him trying to find JESUS,which we all need to do,and when he gets right with his higher power than he can be YOUR FATHER!!!!
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tyfry7496
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 6:40 PM
NEVER tell a child their parent is dead, unless they really are. That can and will blowup in your face.

I told my son that every one has a father but some times we don't get to see our father. There are many reasons and sometimes we just don't know.

In your case, IF he asks, tell him that his father is sick and can't be around. When he's old enough to understand mental illness then explain Schizophrenia. Also know that Schizophrenia tends to run in families. My sons fathers family has 3 people with Schizophrenia and Bipolar. My son is closely monitored by myself and his doctor.
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Caramel824
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:34 PM
Not DEAD,getting HIS LIFE TOGETHER,my mom once told me my father was dead but I had his number I called him and he came and got me!!!I was scared,but now I KNOW why she said it.my children's fathers aren't worth complaining about so I pray,and raise myself and my children with GODS HELP!!!!!! Did I clear that up?
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