Ive been thinking about a separation/divorce My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 3. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and another daughter due in May. I love him very much but he's so mean and cruel to mean and we don't get along. He never has a kind word to say. And then he says its always me and calls me names. My daughter sees it everyday and will say "you no be mean to momma" or "daddy no yell at momma" even if he's calmly degrading me she totally understands and will say something. It breaks my heart and then of course he says its my fault she talks to him that way I put it in her head... I NEVER talk badly about her daddy. I just don't understand him. He used to be a huge pot smoker and quit about 6 months ago and I thought things would get better, maybe his mood swings would improve maybe he'd treat me better... But it never happened. His mother even says "why are you still with him he treats you horribly and that's not how I raised him" I also believe in God and he doesn't at all, I never push the subject God says not to. But even when I silently pray over my food he will stand behind me says "come on!!! Stop with the bullshit" an our daughter saw he had a booboo on his finger and she immediately tried to pray over it, he ripped his finger out of her hands and said "don't do that shit to me, it's silly and one day hopefully you'll be smarter then our mother" I know all this points to GET OUT, but how do you do it? I love him, I've never been with anyone else! We have two children! He made me quit my teaching job last year because he said I didn't make enough money to work, I had such bad depression and anxiety about being home that I connived him to let me be a substitute about a month ago, so I have NO MONEY and I can't live on a subs pay. Our car is in my name but is 450 a month. I have nothing! And he's said he will make sure that he gets custody of our daughter and I can live with that!! She's my everything and once this baby is born what do I do then!???? I'm so stuck!! I have chronic anxiety and in afraid to be alone eve to go to the store, how can I do it with out him? Especially because he said because I'm going to therapy for anxiety and I don't have a steady job or anywhere to live an he's an engineer he will get primary custody and ill see our daughter on the weekends!!! I seriously will die! I can't be without her she is my life! HELP I feel like I need to keep pretending and just stay so I don't have to worry about not seeing her. It's what I've been doing for almost 2 years, I can keep doing it I just need to vent like this every once in a while and then reign it in, put a smile on my face for my children and make the best of each day!
on Dec. 30, 2012 at 2:44 PM