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Father deciding he wants to part of my daughter's life, after 4 years of not trying...

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:06 AM
  • 21 Replies

So my daughter's father after 4 years has now been calling and wants Bethany to know who he is. The problem I'm having is, since I left him when Beth was 7 months old, he has harassed me, threatened me allowed his new wife to do the same, once that stopped and I took him to court for child support it was calls to curse me out about taking his money.

So about a month ago he called me on a good note, saying he wants to be civil and be part of Bethany's life. I told him I wasn't sure due to the fact he's only shown interest in calling when it has to do with child support taken his money. He's called like 4 times and it's been all at night, then asking how she's doing and now wants to skype I'm not sure if I want that to happen.

My gut doesn't trust him and I dont want Bethany getting to know him if he's going to disappear again and not contact us for another couple of years. Should I give him a chance or hold off and not allow him to talk to her until time passes and he shows real interest in getting to know her??? 

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mtsmom1986
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:50 AM
1 mom liked this

 My sons sperm donor has seen MY son 4 times in his entire life, and he will be 5 in February. I had to hit him for child support at one point and him and ex wife #2 tried to say they were going to hit me for custody, even though my ex has no rights over him. Pissed me off,,,

The ex signed paperwork saying I could change my sons last name to mine, but the state wont terminate his rights and I cannot get any daycare assistance without hitting that asshat for child support, which I refuse to do because I KNOW he will try coming after my son again, and the state will not terminate rights unless I get remarried and my husband adopts him... Its bullcrap. I understand your frustration and the only advice I can offer is to use yur best judgement. I wouldn't let him have anything to do with her unless HE makes a continued effort, but that is just my opinion. Good luck!!!

MommyTo5Boys
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:11 PM
1 mom liked this

 If you don't give him a chance on your terms then chances are he will take you to court and then it will be on the judges terms.

 Some parents are just idiots and disappear for long periods of time, but in most cases, unless you have filed to have his parental rights revoked, the judge will let him back into her life.

 JMO but I would let him skype with her on your terms and hope that he won't go to court and push for more. But even if he does at least you can say that you have been trying to promote open communication between them which will mean a lot in the judges eyes if you have been open to it and he has been the one that has not been. Just explain to her ahead of time to not expect anything by these contacts and take it one day at a time. Sometimes the child has to learn on their own what a disappointment their parent is.

 I know it sucks!

 

DDDaysh
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:34 PM
2 moms liked this

 Do you have a CO? 

I think setting up a supervised meeting might be a good idea.  If you're worried about safety and can afford to, I would call a local child's therapist and ask if they can supervise the meeting.  Most charge between $50-$100/hour in my area.  Let Dad pay if he's interested enough. 

If that kind of money really isn't available, a cheap way to get some protection is to go to ChuckECheeze since they have the hand stamp policy.  There's at least a rudimentary source of security there. 

Ridingsolo
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 1:36 PM

I wouldn't.  He didn't want to be there/help for all those early years, why does he deserve a relationship now?  He has shown that he does not truly care about your daughter. 

Cenedra64
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 1:51 PM
My thoughts exactly! I smell a rat with his sudden want to be part of her life and after him and his wife been nasty before

Quoting DDDaysh:

 Do you have a CO? 


I think setting up a supervised meeting might be a good idea.  If you're worried about safety and can afford to, I would call a local child's therapist and ask if they can supervise the meeting.  Most charge between $50-$100/hour in my area.  Let Dad pay if he's interested enough. 


If that kind of money really isn't available, a cheap way to get some protection is to go to ChuckECheeze since they have the hand stamp policy.  There's at least a rudimentary source of security there. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
brieri
by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:39 PM

How old is your daughter?  Remember, when she's of age she may go looking for him and want to know him better.  Do you want her to wait then or would you rather have her meet him now?   Ask her the question.  It's tough on kids not knowing the other parent.

Mocking.Jay
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 8:55 PM
Key word: may.

I'm pretty sure most mothers know this information, it's really nothing new.


Quoting brieri:

How old is your daughter?  Remember, when she's of age she may go looking for him and want to know him better.  Do you want her to wait then or would you rather have her meet him now?   Ask her the question.  It's tough on kids not knowing the other parent.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
carlajrn2013
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 9:16 PM

I feel your pain. My youngest daughters dad and I haven't spoken since I told him that I was pregnant in 2008 and he moved out. The only other time that I heard from him was when he got served with a child support order and that was basically to curse me out via email over that. I don't tknow I if would let her talk to him if he were to contact me today. But like you say they do deserve to know who their dads are but I would be afraid of him hurting her. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide to do.

hippiemom45
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 9:39 PM
1 mom liked this
My ex husband has suddenly after 5 years of not trying wants to see his daughter. And I wont for safety reasons so it is possible. But it takes a lot of court work to get it this way. I have been to court a million times this year.. and he will probably try again Bc he is getting married again and I am sure that is part of the reason why. His fiance pushes him to call for visitation..
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GI_Jane230
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:12 PM

Unfortunately, thisis not really your choice.  He has rights, no matter how much of a jerk he may be.   Especially if he is paying child support.  He has a right to see her.  For now though, it can be on your terms.  Have him meet you and your daughter at a park or some public place.  If you really have concerns you may want to consult a lawyer.  He can always decide to sue you for custody and if he can show the court that you are refusing to let him see her, it can work against you.  I am not trying to scare you but you need to be careful.  Dont give him anything he can use against you. later.

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