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Newly separated and just so mad!!!

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 1:42 PM
  • 15 Replies

I have been separated since September - husband decided after 19 years he didn't want to be married. So there is visitation, child support, new job, child rearing by myself, major budgeting, just a new way of life thrust upon me. I am so mad at my husband and truth be told, I'm mad at my two boys (9 and 14) sometimes because they aren't mad at their dad for putting us all through all this upevil. I don't know what to do with all this anger!!!! Of course I can't direct it at my sons - it's their dad and I want them to have a good relationship with him - not for the jerk my husband, but for my boys. But damn am I angry!! What do you do with all the anger? How do you work through it?

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 1:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Counseling.

Learning to let go of things you have no control over. Easier said than done but it's better in the long run.
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:52 PM
1 mom liked this
It's not the boys fault. They love their dad. They love you too. This is difficult for them too.
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Robsessed98
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Counseling is always a good idea. It takes time and alot of hard work, but you have to let it go and even forgive him, for your sake not his. Once you let it go, life is sooo much better. What you should NOT do is let him get away without paying support. If he doesnt want visitation, thats on him, but he needs to pay.
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ame4c
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:25 PM

 Don't worry.  It's a phase you are going through, it will pass with time. Counseling might help.  I always suggest a class called Divorce Care.  You can see if there is one in your area by going to http://www.divorcecare.org/

I did this when I was going through divorce and it helped so much.  The class part was good, but what helped the most was being in a group of people going throught the exact same things.  I made life long friends.

My story is very similar to yours, so I understand.  I was married 12 yrs when my X left.  He took all our money too.  It was very hard time for me and my kids.  That was 7 yrs ago and I'm doing so much better.  I can actually say that was the best worst year of my life. 

Divorce care and this group got me through it all those years ago.  You will be fine and the anger phase will pass.  When you go through divorce you go through all the emotional phases of losing a loved one (death).

Hezzy1228
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 7:59 PM
I second this, it did help when I did it (although the judge also requested me and my ex do this during the divorce as well). and I suggest finding a hobby. Reading, painting, drawing, scrap booking, even playing games, boxing, exercising.
Something you can do where you aren't thinking, physical is better because you can get out the aggression you're feeling either by running or lifting weights, a punching bag is great too. something like painting or scrap booking helps you to stop thinking period and concentrate on what you're doing. you need something for YOU and you alone to help cope.

Hell sometimes getting your hair cut and colored has a way of calming you down.
over time I got rid of everything of his and stuff he'd given me, jewelry I pawned (it was all cheap walmart stuff anyways) clothes I donated or threw away, stuffed animals.. all I kept of his were pictures and his information for the kids. Purging is also great. even if it means you just pack his stuff up and box it away for the kids later, get it out of your sight.
Quoting ame4c:

 Don't worry.  It's a phase you are going through, it will pass with time. Counseling might help.  I always suggest a class called Divorce Care.  You can see if there is one in your area by going to http://www.divorcecare.org/

I did this when I was going through divorce and it helped so much.  The class part was good, but what helped the most was being in a group of people going throught the exact same things.  I made life long friends.

My story is very similar to yours, so I understand.  I was married 12 yrs when my X left.  He took all our money too.  It was very hard time for me and my kids.  That was 7 yrs ago and I'm doing so much better.  I can actually say that was the best worst year of my life. 

Divorce care and this group got me through it all those years ago.  You will be fine and the anger phase will pass.  When you go through divorce you go through all the emotional phases of losing a loved one (death).


MommyAJ2921
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:24 PM

I completely agree with ame4c and hezzy. I got rid of ALL his stuff and purged. It was theraputic.

Sj218
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:40 PM
My husband of ten years kicked our son and I out in August. I totally understand the anger! I've never been so freakishly angry in my entire life. And yeah it pisses me off sometimes that our 9 y/o son isn't equally as mad. I joined Divorcecare in Sept and its been good. Support is the key to not being angry all the time for me. Weather it church, family, friends, work or a support group. I'll be thinking about you and your boys. Hopefully we'll both have a better year this year compared to last.
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crystaljem04
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:57 PM

definately seek cousiling or put ur angry and engery into something you enjoy, you'd be suprised at how much that wil bring you some happiness. Be there for your boys thats a tuff age to see your parents divorce they're probably hurting more than you are. Let them know you still love them and their dad does too..time will heal your hurt and anger

Mama_Gillogley
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:06 PM

can't say myself, but i think these ladies both spoke well. :)

Quoting Hezzy1228:

I second this, it did help when I did it (although the judge also requested me and my ex do this during the divorce as well). and I suggest finding a hobby. Reading, painting, drawing, scrap booking, even playing games, boxing, exercising.
Something you can do where you aren't thinking, physical is better because you can get out the aggression you're feeling either by running or lifting weights, a punching bag is great too. something like painting or scrap booking helps you to stop thinking period and concentrate on what you're doing. you need something for YOU and you alone to help cope.

Hell sometimes getting your hair cut and colored has a way of calming you down.
over time I got rid of everything of his and stuff he'd given me, jewelry I pawned (it was all cheap walmart stuff anyways) clothes I donated or threw away, stuffed animals.. all I kept of his were pictures and his information for the kids. Purging is also great. even if it means you just pack his stuff up and box it away for the kids later, get it out of your sight.
Quoting ame4c:

 Don't worry.  It's a phase you are going through, it will pass with time. Counseling might help.  I always suggest a class called Divorce Care.  You can see if there is one in your area by going to http://www.divorcecare.org/

I did this when I was going through divorce and it helped so much.  The class part was good, but what helped the most was being in a group of people going throught the exact same things.  I made life long friends.

My story is very similar to yours, so I understand.  I was married 12 yrs when my X left.  He took all our money too.  It was very hard time for me and my kids.  That was 7 yrs ago and I'm doing so much better.  I can actually say that was the best worst year of my life. 

Divorce care and this group got me through it all those years ago.  You will be fine and the anger phase will pass.  When you go through divorce you go through all the emotional phases of losing a loved one (death).




tueborvita
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:11 PM

Ever watch the old Tarzan tv shows? When I get pissed at the ex its very theraputic to give a good Tarzan yell. The kids know I'm not yelling at them. I also bought a dart board. It's amazing at how good you get so fast.

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