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Last Name Debacle--kind of long--

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Happy New Year, everyone! This is my first or second post, but I have been lurking for a few days. I am having a major issue with my son's last name. My first child, a son, is due in Feb. Baby Daddy and I are not together, in fact when I was 10 weeks pregnant, he decided to reconnect and recommit to his ex girlfriend. He knew I was pregnant, yet decided to go that route anyways. I have tried VERY hard to make all decisions logically as opposed to emotionally. I would be lying if I didn't say I am bitter and hurt, but again, I am really trying to do the very best for our son. Before I was added to the work group insurance plan, I was on a self pay program with my OBGYN. He paid for half of all those bills, has taken me to the dr, has been at every important dr appt, etc. So he has "physically" been there. Emotionally...he has been absent. Almost like he lives 2 lives. As you can imagine, my life has totally changed., while he still goes out and parties and hangs with his girlfriend and does whatever. I realize this happens all the time. When we found out we were expecting a son, the last name became a major issue. He actually said to me "If it were a girl, I was OK with giving her your last name, because your last name is very pretty, but now that it's a boy, the paternal line carries and it is critcally important to me for him to have my last name." UM WHAT?!?! Is that a double standard or what? I told him not to ruin the moment and we'd talk about it later. So, now here we are...later...about 4 weeks away from my due date and we are still fighting. He says if I don't give baby his last name, he won't sign the birth certificate AND said to me "don't you want me to feel attached to my son?" Forgive me if I am wrong, but that is still his son regardless of letters on a piece of paper, right?! Am I wrong? Here is my conflict....he wanted me to have an abortion, he was OK with girl having my last name, after 6 months of a casual relationship he reconnected with his ex knowing I was preg, he never tried for me or for his son to be a family. Isn't the purpose of giving your child a last name to establish a
"family name?" We were NEVER a family. Not even for one day. On the flip side, he HAS been there (physically) for his son. At the dr appts and paying half the bills, and there is NO doubt in my mind that he will be in his son's life, it may not be in the way I would like or hope for, but I know that he WILL be there. So, do I take away that "paternal right" of his son carrying his name on away from him? Would really appreciate your thoughts, as I am sure many of you have been in this place.....thank you in advance!!

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 6:18 PM
Replies (31-31):
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 11:40 AM

I told him that if he didn't want to sign the BC, I wasn't going to put him on it. That sounds spiteful, I know, but he is being spiteful by not signing it with my last name on it. Am I doing anything legally by saying Father is "unknown?" This keeps getting uglier and uglier. Not fun by ANY means. I cry, lose sleep, stress out...I'm a mess....over a freaking last name. Ridiculous.

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