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How do you move on knowing you've done the right thing, but still loving your ex?

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:19 PM
  • 12 Replies

Was married for 16 years, together almost 18.  Left for the right reasons, but struggle daily with guilt, co-dependence and loss.  Boys doing wonderfully..  ??

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Robsessed98
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:33 PM
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You had a long life with him, so naturally you feel that way. Just reassure yourself the divorce was best for you and the kids. Cut all communication and ties with him except when it pertains to the kids. Focus on making a new, fuller life for yall and dont look back. Itll take a while to feel whole on your own after so long, but youll get there.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:40 PM

You have to go through the grieving process... It doesn't just happen over night.  I recommend getting a counselor for you and kids it will help.

nfk2014
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:47 AM

I have a therapist but haven't been lately.  We've been seperated for over a year now, so I've really been strugling for a while.  When I cut ties I feel sorry for him??  Is that crazy?  He didn't feel sorry for me when he was lying and sneaking??  Ugh!  Thanks so much for your replies.

Lulu295
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 1:59 PM
1 mom liked this

I feel the exact same way. My stbx is now trying to worm his way back into my life, sending me lists, etc of what he will do to change. I struggle DAILY with codependance and guilt for leaving. I wish I had anything left in my heart that made me want to try to work it out with him. I'm mostly afraid I'll give in to his pushing because it's easier, and just let him back in. I've had a really bad few days with that. He's been calling/emailing my parents, brothers, friends. His PARENTS even messaged my parents. Geeez. I pray for the strength on a daily basis not to give in.

I just realized I didn't help at all. Just used yoru post to post my complaints :( so sorry. Just know you're not alone. Those feelings are normal (I hope). Stay strong.

victoriahearts
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Don't try to rush yourself in getting rid of those feelings, you are allowed to love him, you were with him for so many years, but ultimately you left for your own reasons as long as you remember why you left the best thing is to let yourself go through the motions of being separated and ultiamtely divorced, it's a long process. I would suggest talking with a professional so that you can work through some of the feelings and your thoughts, I did this and it made things easier. 

steviechick
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:41 PM


Quoting nfk2014:

I have a therapist but haven't been lately.  We've been seperated for over a year now, so I've really been strugling for a while.  When I cut ties I feel sorry for him??  Is that crazy?  He didn't feel sorry for me when he was lying and sneaking??  Ugh!  Thanks so much for your replies.


Lying and cheating?  You left for good reason.  Good riddance to that guy!  Don't look back and definately don't feel bad for what you did.  Look forward to happier times with someone that treats you with respect.  My ex left me for a co-worker.  Snuck around for three years.  Got her pregnant twice in the process.  I've never felt guilty for filing for divorce.  I felt cheated out of a good life - a life that I deserved.  You felt sorry for him because you still cared for him.  Not crazy at all.  You have a heart and a conscience.  He doesn't. 

Good luck to you!

Sj218
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:55 PM

I'm dealing with the same feelings.  I've been separated for five months after being married for 10 years.  I wasn't the one to leave, but the divorceis for all the right reasons also.  Even though hes being a complete douchebag jerk and doing things that will emotionally scar my 9 y/o son forever, I still find myself feeling sorry for him and feeling sort of sentimental.  I think it's that we want to remember how good he could have been.   But the problem is, that really good guy wasn't the real one.  If it was, he wouldn't have been lying and sneaking.  I'm still in love with my fantasy husband and I struggle with that every day.

nfk2014
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 5:56 PM

Mine was my best friend.  I can never take him back..  His Mom also an alcoholic did nothing to help and put me down OFTEN.  He's a good guy and the lying and sneaking was to drink.  that was my other woman..  He loves me but loves drinking more and it was too stressful living with him.  Thanks again for the posts..  You do feel alone, but I have to say I think as much as my boys love both of us, they are relieved that he's gone.

nfk2014
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 5:58 PM

I totally get that..  It's a loss of what could have been..  I've never once in the last year and a half, said I would take him back.  he just wants to come home and plays the guilt card often, but also tries to date online..  oy.  what a dumb ass.

mommI7777777
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:39 PM

hey me and my ex have joint custody we have seperated since sept.10,2012 .i just got off phone and he is begging me and my daughter to come over for the night granted i've already done this once in december if i do this again will this hurt me or have anything to do with my custody battle which we are both fighting for ????

 

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