Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

How to Motivate My Babies Father

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:52 PM
  • 17 Replies

I'm 14 weeks and I'm 22 and I am having trouble with my babies father. We are still together but he doesn't have a job and doesn't seem very motivated to find one (even though I'm pregnant and he has another baby already) He wants to be part of everything and support me and the baby but how do I motivate him to find a job or do I just wait and see what happens?? My family is 100% supportive but are very upset that I am supporting him and now trying to support a baby. I need advise!!

 

Thank you!!!

Alex

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:52 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
victoriahearts
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:56 PM

Is him not having a job a recent thing? Have you tried speaking to him and expression your concern? Be straight forward and tell him that you need him to step up, that he needs to show you that he is willing to help out financially and emotionally. 

steviechick
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:00 PM

How do you motiviate someone to find a job?  That's a question I asked myself for 26 years when I was married to my ex.  He wasn't motivated enough TO GET a decent job.  All you can do is ask.  Show him the bills and tell him if he doesn't help out you two will always be hurting as a couple.  Take it from me, you don't want to constantly bring this up.  It will only get worse if he doesn't want to step up.  You don't want to be miserable like I was AND for over 20 years.  If he's not motivated enough now he will never be. 

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:00 PM
1 mom liked this
If he's not actively finding a job then your statement "he wants to be part of everything and support me and the baby" is a complete lie. Have a chat with him about your plans for supporting the baby. If he's gonna be a lazy ass you have to leave. "Love" doesn't pay the rent and provide food or diapers. You are not responsible to support him. This guy sounds like a loser. I'm sorry that's my advice. But it's for the best.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
alexlynn22
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:07 PM

Thank you all. We have been together almost a year and a half and he worked a commission only job for the first month. The rest of the time he has little jobs here and there but I have been paying all the bills and supporting us both. The bills are my bills like rent and utilities (we dont have a place together) but I'm still paying for everything and paying for us to go out and do fun things together. I have a real problem saying NO to anyone but I'm at the point now when I will have to start saying no to be able to support our baby. I just wish he would find a job like he keeps saying he will so we can enjoy this time and get ready for baby.

Robsessed98
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:08 PM
3 moms liked this

Tell him beginning immediately your check goes to household bills, food for yourself and things for the baby. Tell him you can't afford to buy food for him or give him entertainment money now that you're pregnant and show him you mean it. Make a spreadsheet showing every expense that you have now, your medical bills and things the baby needs before it's born, as well as after. Maybe if he sees it in black and white, he will realize he has to do it. If he doesn't get it then, you need to decide whether or not you want to keep him in your house.

alexlynn22
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:12 PM

He tells me to trust and let him handle the money but I don't want to do that becuase he spends the money on stupid stuff all the time and I end up with nothing. I know it's all my fault but I think love was blinding me but now with our baby coming I need to step up and stand up for myself and he needs to do what I say since he doesn't have a job.

koalasami
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:14 PM

If you want to be able to support your baby in a way that makes you happy you need to put an end to this.  Unfortunately, you can not do a lot to motivate someone like that - nagging tends to only make things worse in my experience.  But I personally would not plan a future with someone who has no goals or ambitions.  I would be pretty blunt.  He needs to either be in school full-time for a career that he hopes to get in the future (right after he graduates!) or he needs to work full-time.  There are resources in most towns for people who just need help getting a push in the right direction - does he know what he wants to be when he grows up?  Seriously, you are still young and some people just have not figured things out at that age.  I would tell him very clearly that if he wants you and the baby to stay with him and be a family he needs to figure out NOW what he wants to do with his life and how he is going to go about getting there.  Help him if you can - does he need help creating a resume kind of things?  But I would expect that if he is not working he is looking for a job 30-40 hours per week.  There are jobs out there but it sometimes takes a lot of time to find them...

tyfry7496
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:41 PM
1 mom liked this
You give him 30 days to get a Fulltime job or he gets out. End if discussion. Stop letting him be lazy. He's not going to get motivated until you force him. Do not let him manage your money anymore. Buy what you and the baby need and nothing more. Put the rest in savings, you will need it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Musiq_Junkie
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Girl, that's a red flag, don't give that boy ur money!!!!Make him get a job or give him the boot!!!

Quoting alexlynn22:

He tells me to trust and let him handle the money but I don't want to do that becuase he spends the money on stupid stuff all the time and I end up with nothing. I know it's all my fault but I think love was blinding me but now with our baby coming I need to step up and stand up for myself and he needs to do what I say since he doesn't have a job.


Lilypie First Birthday tickers

mz23
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:26 PM
When you find put let me know! My, now ex, told me he was gone do all these great things before baby came, car, his own place, a job, it never happened. I can only get mad at myself for being with the loser. Bowing my head in shame.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN