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Poll

Question: Would you go?

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yes

no


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Total Votes: 20

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 Quick back story.  My father has done many things to hurt me emotionally.  This last one was during christmas.  He said he was coming to our annual christmas party at my brother and his wife's house. But cancelled last minute because he needed to be with his gf, whom he lives with. this is not the 1st time he bailed or not shown up due to his gf. she is very insecure and has yelled at him for talking on the phone with me.  i am just tired of all the hurt he is causing and now he is hurting his grandkids. he expects me to be happy for the life he has with his gf and forget about all the hurt he has caused.

He wants to have a gathering at his new house and i dont know if i want to go and he said if i dont go he said he is not going to have the gathering and cancel on everyone else. i cant go over there and pretend like everything is ok, but i dont want to disapoint by not going. i have tried talking to him and it doesnt do any good.

What would you do? Would you go? thanks for any responses or suggestions.

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:03 PM
Replies (21-28):
lydi
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:28 PM

 i dont think he is a flake, he just put himself into a very unhealthy relationship, yes he is one of those people who doesnt understand the hurt he causes. he thinks i should just get over it.  i have tried many times to talk to him and it just makes it worse for my emotional state so i am going to express myself once more and then only see him on holidays or until i am stronger and can deal with this better.

Quoting faerie75:

Is e just a flake? Some ppl are and thu really don't know how they are hurting ppl cuz they don't think they are that important. Have you talked to him about it?

 

lydi
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:30 PM
1 mom liked this

 i agree with trying to let go and i need to do that. i cant change him but i can change the way it affects me.

Quoting raegan1221:

 Honestly, I'd probably go. I mean I see both sides. I can see not going because of all the hurt. But I am also the type of person that tries really hard to let go of the hurt because it only hurts me. I don't hold grudges or anything..I believe in forgiveness. But that also depends on what he's done to you. I believe in forgiveness but not to forget ever. You are not obligated to go and he should have never put that on your shoulders. That is very unfair.

 

lydi
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:32 PM

 thanks.  he may never understand how i feel but atleast both my brothers and sister  in law are aware of this and i can now talk to then for support.

Quoting keikco:

 

that's what I would do. Say you're going and at the very last minute call him and tell him you can't go. By that time it will be to late for him to cancel the party cause everyone else he invited will be there. Maybe then he will know how you feel.

Good luck

Quoting Stephd710:

Say you're going and then just not show up.  Then call and say something came up.  LOL!

 

 

lnk8522
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 5:06 PM
nope.he is being petty and controlling.you are not responsible for his actions, and for a grown man to use his daughter that way is shameful
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
cklamour
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 5:13 PM
Exactly! You don't want your experiences with your dad to fall on your daughter with her dad. By you standing up for yourself from your dad will show her the strong and beautiful mom she has, and she will be the same.

Quoting lydi:

 thanks, i agree and it stings even more since my dd's father did this to her, but it is time to start healing and get on with my dd's and my life


Quoting cklamour:

Excuse my crass words: fuck him!

He's manipulating you and you're allowing it...STOP! You're worth more than that and his controlling behavior is sickening. It irritates me so when parents treat their children like crap.

 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
SunshineDee
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 6:53 PM

i would go. make sure you are looking wonderful, be graceful and after 7 minutes leave. just walk out. park on the street so you can have a clean get away...tell your brother to meet you at applbees or whatever for a drink. show the GF that we can all play the petty game. and when your day calls to ask you why you left tell him you were uncomfortable. maybe he will see then the problems and unease his situation has caused

Robsessed98
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 8:29 PM

I'd be questioning why he would cancel a gathering at his house if you refuse to go. That's not the normal ex kind of response. If he's in a good relationship, he wouldn't base a party on your attendance.

poohbare70
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:22 PM
I would go u were in his life first dumb women that try to be #1 usely beome last when ur father wakes up my mom stayed away from me and my kids and grand kids bc her husband and we hadnt seen her in 6 yrs which broke my heart and she died in june never got to say good bye and my heart is broke bc if i could do over i wuld have seen her no matter what she said
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