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Poll

Question: Would you go?

Options:

yes

no


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Total Votes: 20

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 Quick back story.  My father has done many things to hurt me emotionally.  This last one was during christmas.  He said he was coming to our annual christmas party at my brother and his wife's house. But cancelled last minute because he needed to be with his gf, whom he lives with. this is not the 1st time he bailed or not shown up due to his gf. she is very insecure and has yelled at him for talking on the phone with me.  i am just tired of all the hurt he is causing and now he is hurting his grandkids. he expects me to be happy for the life he has with his gf and forget about all the hurt he has caused.

He wants to have a gathering at his new house and i dont know if i want to go and he said if i dont go he said he is not going to have the gathering and cancel on everyone else. i cant go over there and pretend like everything is ok, but i dont want to disapoint by not going. i have tried talking to him and it doesnt do any good.

What would you do? Would you go? thanks for any responses or suggestions.

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:03 PM
Replies (11-20):
cklamour
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 4:35 PM
Excuse my crass words: fuck him!

He's manipulating you and you're allowing it...STOP! You're worth more than that and his controlling behavior is sickening. It irritates me so when parents treat their children like crap.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:40 PM
Is e just a flake? Some ppl are and thu really don't know how they are hurting ppl cuz they don't think they are that important. Have you talked to him about it?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
raegan1221
by Raegan on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:47 PM

 Honestly, I'd probably go. I mean I see both sides. I can see not going because of all the hurt. But I am also the type of person that tries really hard to let go of the hurt because it only hurts me. I don't hold grudges or anything..I believe in forgiveness. But that also depends on what he's done to you. I believe in forgiveness but not to forget ever. You are not obligated to go and he should have never put that on your shoulders. That is very unfair.

keikco
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:58 PM

 

that's what I would do. Say you're going and at the very last minute call him and tell him you can't go. By that time it will be to late for him to cancel the party cause everyone else he invited will be there. Maybe then he will know how you feel.

Good luck

Quoting Stephd710:

Say you're going and then just not show up.  Then call and say something came up.  LOL!


lydi
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:10 PM

 this is how i first felt, but then i over think and second guess myself, but i agree with you.

Quoting tyfry7496:

Why keep being emotionally abused? He's trying to control you. If you don't go he's canceling the entire party? He needs to growup.

 

lydi
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:11 PM
1 mom liked this

 thanks, i agree, but i have to come to terms that he wont change, but i can change how it affects me.

Quoting mytrueloveS:

I wouldn't go.  Your father needs to step up and be a father, he's old enough to grow up and treat you with the respect you deserve.  

 

lydi
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:18 PM

 thanks. i agree he is my father and i am also very forgiving, but i cant allow myself to be hurt by him so i need to find a middle ground. i dont want him out of my life but things are going to change, i cannot change him but i can change things on my end.

Quoting raeann1984:

i said yes. BUT i tend to be very forgiving. honestly my dad sounds like yours. he also makes plans and simply does not show up. no phone call no notice no nothing. he's dissappearred the last year  - the entire year!! on me and MY CHILD! and he did not pop back up ti lmy mom died and funeral plans were to be made. also, he promised to give me some insurance money, his idea, to help me care for my children and never did... but.. he is my father and i make every attempt to have a relationship with him since he is my only parent. so yes, id personally go. gl

 

lydi
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:20 PM

 the whole situation sucks and is complicated so i agree i have to remove myself from this stuff

Quoting stillstandin246:

 No.  I would be done putting myself in situations for him to keep doing what he's doing.  It sounds like maybe he wants to see you but can't man up to his girlfriend and do it so he's devising this.  Then he's guilt tripping you for saying he will cancel the whole thing if you don't go, thereby putting it all on you.  That's just nasty selfish behavior and I think you should just tell him you can't attend.

 

lydi
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:22 PM

 to be honest that did cross my mind. i wanted to pretend i was sick or not even call and say i am not coming, but for my own healing process i have to tell him how i feel and take a step back

Quoting Stephd710:

Say you're going and then just not show up.  Then call and say something came up.  LOL!

 

lydi
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:24 PM

 thanks, i agree and it stings even more since my dd's father did this to her, but it is time to start healing and get on with my dd's and my life

Quoting cklamour:

Excuse my crass words: fuck him!

He's manipulating you and you're allowing it...STOP! You're worth more than that and his controlling behavior is sickening. It irritates me so when parents treat their children like crap.

 

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