Quick back story. My father has done many things to hurt me emotionally. This last one was during christmas. He said he was coming to our annual christmas party at my brother and his wife's house. But cancelled last minute because he needed to be with his gf, whom he lives with. this is not the 1st time he bailed or not shown up due to his gf. she is very insecure and has yelled at him for talking on the phone with me. i am just tired of all the hurt he is causing and now he is hurting his grandkids. he expects me to be happy for the life he has with his gf and forget about all the hurt he has caused.
He wants to have a gathering at his new house and i dont know if i want to go and he said if i dont go he said he is not going to have the gathering and cancel on everyone else. i cant go over there and pretend like everything is ok, but i dont want to disapoint by not going. i have tried talking to him and it doesnt do any good.
What would you do? Would you go? thanks for any responses or suggestions.
He's manipulating you and you're allowing it...STOP! You're worth more than that and his controlling behavior is sickening. It irritates me so when parents treat their children like crap.
Honestly, I'd probably go. I mean I see both sides. I can see not going because of all the hurt. But I am also the type of person that tries really hard to let go of the hurt because it only hurts me. I don't hold grudges or anything..I believe in forgiveness. But that also depends on what he's done to you. I believe in forgiveness but not to forget ever. You are not obligated to go and he should have never put that on your shoulders. That is very unfair.
that's what I would do. Say you're going and at the very last minute call him and tell him you can't go. By that time it will be to late for him to cancel the party cause everyone else he invited will be there. Maybe then he will know how you feel.
Good luck
Quoting Stephd710:
Say you're going and then just not show up. Then call and say something came up. LOL!
thanks. i agree he is my father and i am also very forgiving, but i cant allow myself to be hurt by him so i need to find a middle ground. i dont want him out of my life but things are going to change, i cannot change him but i can change things on my end.
Quoting raeann1984:
i said yes. BUT i tend to be very forgiving. honestly my dad sounds like yours. he also makes plans and simply does not show up. no phone call no notice no nothing. he's dissappearred the last year - the entire year!! on me and MY CHILD! and he did not pop back up ti lmy mom died and funeral plans were to be made. also, he promised to give me some insurance money, his idea, to help me care for my children and never did... but.. he is my father and i make every attempt to have a relationship with him since he is my only parent. so yes, id personally go. gl
the whole situation sucks and is complicated so i agree i have to remove myself from this stuff
Quoting stillstandin246:
No. I would be done putting myself in situations for him to keep doing what he's doing. It sounds like maybe he wants to see you but can't man up to his girlfriend and do it so he's devising this. Then he's guilt tripping you for saying he will cancel the whole thing if you don't go, thereby putting it all on you. That's just nasty selfish behavior and I think you should just tell him you can't attend.
thanks, i agree and it stings even more since my dd's father did this to her, but it is time to start healing and get on with my dd's and my life
Quoting cklamour:
Excuse my crass words: fuck him!
He's manipulating you and you're allowing it...STOP! You're worth more than that and his controlling behavior is sickening. It irritates me so when parents treat their children like crap.
Going back to my maiden name
- lydi
on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:03 PM