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Need opinions please!

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:36 PM
  • 10 Replies
My ex and I dated on and off for 2 yrs. we last broke up in Aug. That same day I found out I was pregnant. We decided not to get back together just for the baby but he claimed he would be there for me for support. A week later he got a new girlfriend... He was still going to doc apts. with me and buying me groceries though so as much as it hurt that he moved on so fast I tried to ignore it and just focus on the baby and the fact that he was helping at all. A few months later everything changed. He decided not to continue going to my doctor apts. because he said it was too intimate and that since we were not together he didn't need to be there. He also moved in with his girlfriend ( after 5 months of dating) and I stopped hearing from him. He will randomly text me to see how I'm doing but it's become very rare. Two weeks ago he wanted to stop by and see me but I said no because I didn't want him to think he could just stop by whenever it was convenient for him. We got into an argument and he told me that he is willing to take his responsibility for our son when he is born and that it is not his problem that I am upset that he is not there for my pregnancy. I am 23 weeks pregnant and have decided I do not think he should be at the birth or even right away after. I am beyond angry at him and I think he would cause me stress if he was there. I also do not want to have any regrets. I blocked his # so I can try to move in from all if this. Need opinions and or suggestions please! Should I not have blocked his #?
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by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
victoriahearts
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:09 PM

Right now you are going through a very emotional and hormonal time, I understand that you are upset by some of the actions that he has taken but at same time you have to acknowledge that he is willing to be there for his child. I don't want to say you are being pity because your feelings are real but you are about to become a mother and you have a willing father that wants to be there for his child, if you don't want him at the birth that is fine because ultimately it's about you feeling comfortable and stress free, but I don't think cutting off all ties with him is a good idea either and you would be doing that by blocking his number. I think the best thing to do is let him know your plans and hope he can respect them, but you also have to understand that although you feel hurt and upset those are feelings that you will have to put aside for the sake for your baby and giving his the chance to have two parents. 

brieri
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:39 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

No your not wrong in blocking his number at this time.  When baby comes take him to court and get all that your entitled to.  Good luck.

soaringflutes
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 6:11 PM

If you really don't want to talk to him, then blocking his number is the right thing to do.  But do you think it's the right step to block him out of both of your child's life?

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 6:22 PM
Don't invite him to the birth if it'll stress you out but be prepared cuz he has rights to see his kid. Go to court and file for CS if he's gonna be involved. Don't talk to him for now as its too stressful. Been there done that. My bd got married while I was pregnant. But I didn't want his grimy ass anymore anyway.
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PandorasWorld
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 7:31 PM

okay first of he didn't get one so fast after you. they were already aquainted. 2nd he wants FREEDOM not responsibility. you don't know what is being said so you can't just be silly enough to believe everything. everybody is willing to take care of responsibility, to some that doesn't mean anything you are a grown woman and it's your choice on who says hi to the baby when he gets here. stay strong your pregnant. there is always gonna be hurdles to jump w/ belly and all. but you know what you'll make it. feel it in you heart to know what to believe and what not. when baby gets here then you will know for a fact of what you really want, need, and have to do in your lives. it will be up to you.     HUGS

strngenough
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 8:02 PM
@breri No mention of the kid in this. All you are entitled to? You aren't entitled to anything for having a baby. The baby is entitled to it and that includes having both of his parents. What did this guy do that's so horrible he owes her? Dating, not married, broke up, THEN found out not pregnant. It's this thinking and treatment that is the reason the dads don't come around.

I'm preggo and my husband left me. He is going to be at the birth, but I calmly told him what I'm ok with and not and that if it gets to be too much I will ask him to leave. He's agreed. I give him updates in the form of ultrasound pics, growth development, etc. He will have 50/50 custody and we will work together to raise this child. A baby is a gift. It's not an entitlement. This is someone's life you are responsible for. You are responsible for their mental and emotional health. They didn't asked to be made and you have to put their well being high above yours. It's not my favorite thing talking to my husband who left me, but it's best for my son. So tired of this "it's my baby" bs. It's not just yours. Only grown ups should be having kids so act like a grown up.

Quoting brieri:

 Hi and welcome to the group.


No your not wrong in blocking his number at this time.  When baby comes take him to court and get all that your entitled to.  Good luck.



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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 8:07 PM
I think you should still update him and let him know when the baby arrives. Keeping him away from you, ok. Keeping him away from you and his kid, not ok. Buti think keeping your space is good so you can get over him.
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Tish_Hughes
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 8:27 PM
1 mom liked this

 I understand where you're coming from, I felt the same way when I pregnant. Didn't want him there, rushing to conclusions because I was hurt and upset. You're only 23 weeks, be angry all you want. Just know that when it's time for that baby to come, that anger will have to be pushed aside so that your baby can have a relationship with his/her daddy. And as angry and hurt as you may be, try to still be civil with the man. You don't want a sour relationship with him before the baby even comes. Easier said than done, but it can be done. =)

brieri
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 8:31 PM

 ok.  Well then you can telll that to my ex?  He doesn't know diddly squat!

Quoting strngenough:

@breri No mention of the kid in this. All you are entitled to? You aren't entitled to anything for having a baby. The baby is entitled to it and that includes having both of his parents. What did this guy do that's so horrible he owes her? Dating, not married, broke up, THEN found out not pregnant. It's this thinking and treatment that is the reason the dads don't come around.

I'm preggo and my husband left me. He is going to be at the birth, but I calmly told him what I'm ok with and not and that if it gets to be too much I will ask him to leave. He's agreed. I give him updates in the form of ultrasound pics, growth development, etc. He will have 50/50 custody and we will work together to raise this child. A baby is a gift. It's not an entitlement. This is someone's life you are responsible for. You are responsible for their mental and emotional health. They didn't asked to be made and you have to put their well being high above yours. It's not my favorite thing talking to my husband who left me, but it's best for my son. So tired of this "it's my baby" bs. It's not just yours. Only grown ups should be having kids so act like a grown up.

Quoting brieri:

 Hi and welcome to the group.


No your not wrong in blocking his number at this time.  When baby comes take him to court and get all that your entitled to.  Good luck.



 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:11 PM

I agree with this!

Quoting faerie75:

I think you should still update him and let him know when the baby arrives. Keeping him away from you, ok. Keeping him away from you and his kid, not ok. Buti think keeping your space is good so you can get over him.


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