when you hit rock bottom, start to think you can make it out... and then suddenly start falling off a cliff that you didn't even know was there... yeah... that's about how i feel right now- the worst part is, it's all my own damn fault.
okay- no bashers please, because i already feel like the worst mother in the whole freaking planet.
i'm a single mom going to school full time for nursing. i do not receive child support.
in december i got paperwork from DHS asking me to renew my food stamps. this was the week before my CNA final and for whatever reason i read on the DHS paperwork that my FS renewal wasn't due until the end of the month. so i didn't turn it in until the 21st.
Of course... stupid, stupid me... read it wrong. it was due between the 1st-10th. I went in and talked to them in person, they can't even give me a date of when i'll start receiving FS again.
i have had a lot of other crappy things happen this month- the CNA job i really, really wanted fell through, the state is contacting the biological father of my son against my wishes. (he's violent and twice my size, but no police reports means nothing happened- awesome.)
i just, i don't know how much more i can take. all of this feels like it's my fault for missing stuff i SHOULD have known- this isn't my first year reapplying for food stamps, and now that i'm on break and thinking about it, i've ALWAYS had to turn in my FS before the 10th. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?? i had to take animal crackers out of my 2 y/o ds hands tonight and watch him cry and ask why the food is all gone.
because your mom is an idiot kid. a freakin idiot.
i feel like maybe i should've given him up for adoption to a family who could provide all of his financial needs, maybe love isn't enough. i'm feeling really low so if you are in a self-righteous vindictive mood, please share it with someone else... otherwise i may go all crazy irish girl on your ass!
anyone else ever messed up this big? i'm feeling pretty small right now.