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After 2.5 years you want me to share our child with out a worry

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:41 PM
  • 4 Replies

So this might be lengthy and I apologize in advance but could really use the help through this if anyone has any good advice!


My daughters father and I have been off and on for over 5 years now, timing never was our thing. There is alot of past history for reasons that I felt I couldnt look past to make things work at the time. We were broken up when I had found out I was pregnant and when I told him he was estatic, obviouly thinking that it would fix all our previuos problems. I was not so happy about the pregnany but honestly believe that things happen far beyond our understanding and there was a reason for bringing a child to my life. He walked out with in the first month because him and I had difference in opinion on how the child would be raised. Well fast forward past the fact I had alot of medical issues the end of my pregnancy and had to deliver her early. He showed up two days later to see her for a moment than went about his way. He brought his mother which was the first time truly meeting her and was snotty. He left the hospital not to speak to me until a year and a half later.  He than came to me telling me he had changed and made mistakes and would do whatever he had to do to be a part of our lives again. Well that lasted two months than gone again. Low and behold he showed up again around Thanksgiving with the same ol line of I have changed, I owe her to be a good father, I owe you to be a good guy, blah blah blah. I Am the dumb girl that believes that people do change but the thing is at what point does this hurt her more than help her. I want more than anything for her to have a father in her life but I dont know that he can stick around to be that father. I believe she would be better with no father than one that is in and out. He is really "trying" harder this time around and is keeping promises to her and asking me to see her/us. Here is my dilema, He recently asked me if he could start taking her on the same weekends he has his other daughter and I dont know if that is something I am ready for. I have been a full time single mom for 2.5 years and for him to all of a sudden just walk in and want the father role kind of burns me. Let me just say I have never asked for a dime of child support, I pay all her needs 100% and he so much has never bought her anything. I told him until he is in a stable enviroment I dont feel its the best fit for him to take her over night yet or with out my supervision. He lives with a few guys that are in and out all the time and he doesnt have a license or car to get her around, he also doesnt have money to buy her thing that she needs such as she needs different milk. He said that he cant prove himself to me if i dont give him the chance but I cant guarantee he will be around tomorrow either. I am trying to not hold the past against him but he also isnt understanding why I am asking for more time before he takes her by himself. Am I being over protective and selfish right now or am I with in reason?

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:41 PM
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Replies (1-4):
MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Stop bartering with him. File for child support and take him to court for custody and visitation. Since your kid doesn't know him he should have supervised visits. Treat it like strictly business. This guy isn't gonna stop his bs.
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ms.momo3
by Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 12:00 AM
1 mom liked this
Wow. This sounds like where i might be in a couple years. No advice but heres a bump for ya.
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brieri
by Platinum Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 1:51 AM
1 mom liked this

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Your asking for help or advice or something from this group.  With that said.  It is best to get it all on legal paper - talk with an attorney and get your ducks in a row.  It's ok if your not asking for c/s but it's not really for you it's for your child.  If he's not willing to pay for anything such as food/formula, diapers, clothing etc. that would be what c/s is for.  It doesn't matter whether he is working or not, your child is entitled to the basics for living in this world, whether it was mistake or not, she's here and was created between the two of you and that's something you have to be grateful for. 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Scares me I may be in these shoes. You set the rules and its best to do it through the courts good luck
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