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Friends with benefits

Posted by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:10 PM
  • 2 Replies

I apologize for cross posting. I found this group after I posted in the other.

So I am 6 months into a divorce that should have been done and overwith 3 months ago, but I have a stbx that stalls things in anyway he can. I have two beautiful children, 6 and 4. I am not going to let the delays in the divorce keep me from "moving on." I am careful not to let him know too much about my dating life, men, etc. He will just use that to delay more.

I left my stbx because he was emotionally abusive. I didn't realize just how bad it was until I left. I knew it was bad for many years before, but not "this" bad until I was out. It just took me a long time to find the strength to leave. So, I became stronger, re-learned who I was as a person, got in shape, ran a half marathon, and found a new sense of confidence. 4 months post divorce just on a complete whim I thought I would check out a dating website...I was just bored. I met a few guys, but eh, didn't do much for me. I started talking to what is now my most current guy per se mid-October, met 3-4 weeks later and I haven't been back on the dating site since. Early on, we both discovered that neither one of us was divorced yet, but were going through the process of getting one. We both learned that we both had a lot of issues still unresolved. We both learned that we had a lot in common, enjoyed a lot of the same things, enjoy each others company, had fun inside and outside the bedroom and the physical chemistry was definitely there. With the unresolved issues, we wanted to take things slow, so we decided to start as fwb, no commitments. It was my idea, not his, by the way. Although neither one of us is seeing anyone else.  

With him I have realized just how sh***y of an guy by stbx was as a husband. I have learned a lot about what I like and expect out of man. This guy is one of the most considerate, sweet, funny and non-judgemental people I have met. He never gets mad at anything and he is smitten with his 10 year old daughter, which I find incredibly sexy :). He sends me lovey dovey texts, has his array of pet names for me, we talk and/or text everyday and we see each other at least twice a week. 

About a week ago I got a freaky text from him, he was majorly depressed, sounded suicidal and it made me drop everything to go see him. He didn't ask me to come, but I felt if I didn't, something could have happened. Luckily I did not have my kids at the time. I had never seen a man crying so much, and without going into details, he has a lot of issues he needs to work on before he is ready for anything. He has been at his parents since then, decided he was going to stop drinking (he wasn't an alcholic, but he started to drink more once his ex filed), he is started going to a counselor, and is trying to do better as a person. 

I guess my dilemma here, which is always what happens eventually in these type of relationships, I am falling for him, actually I love him, he doesn't know that though. I just want to do things right, do things when he is more ready and worked out his issues. I probably am in a better position personally to transition into more than fwb, but I am 100% confident he is not. I reassured him this entire week that I am here, not leaving his side and I am his friend before anything else. I am more than ready to be patient with him and wait whatever time it takes for him to get through this and his issues. But on the other hand, I do not want to miss out on something else out there. I am not eager to meet others though, as when I initially got on the site, it was just out of pure curiousity and boredom. Part of me enjoys being single! I have looked at the dating site in the past few weeks and none of the guys really do anything for me.

I am actually happy in the moment with my life in general, with how things are with him, work, kids, etc. So maybe I just should enjoy day by day and not worry so much about what the future holds, I don't know? I don't want to hear a lecture about how awful fwb situations are and how they never work out, etc. I have done my research on that already, trust me. In the end I do not have any regrets, however this turns out. I guess I just need some support, advice or thoughts on how I should handle the current situation.     

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:10 PM
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Replies (1-2):
INTEGRITYspeaks
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 10:19 PM

OMGoodness... I have met someone on a dating website... We'll exchange notes as to which website that is... Lol... But ummm.... That someone happens to be a fwb too... At least to my sense it is... Lol.. What is wrong with us women?!?!?! Here's the thing... He doesn't know that I know he's not just seeing me... although I have no idea with what he does with the others.... I personally don't have time for mind games or any kind of game for that matter. So I don't really bother him... I let him do what he pleases - it's up to him if he wants to contact me... It's funny how my cell floods with text messages and phone calls from him. Flattering.... As much as I enjoy spending time with him.... I literally do not let my heart get involved.. Simply because he is enjoying his time as a bachelor... Apparently he thinks he's got me like that... Fact is... the world of fwb is a Ladies world!!! But to answer your question... you said it yourself... you don't want to miss out on something else out there... and that in itself is a new story that I have to share... maybe some other time... Lol... Just remember something BETTER could be knocking on your door soon... But it's best to close one door first before opening another... 

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 10:41 PM
Wow. I never thought of FWB as moving slow. Lol
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