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Has anyone else been in this position?? Not sure what to do :(

Posted by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:43 PM
  • 27 Replies

So my son is 3 and his father has barely been in his life from day one of finding out that I was pregnant. We went through the whole court process after he was born and he was ordered to pay $80 a week backdating to the date of birth. Something happened during the court process and the paperwork was never actually put through to have the money taken out of his check every week so he is in arrears $12,700. He has not paid a penny. I have been wanting to take him back to court so that I can start getting the money but every time I try and bring the subject up with my mom to see what she thinks about it all she says is that I shouldnt bother with it and should just let it go so that we dont have to deal with him anymore. But I think that he should be held accountable for making this child wasnt just me in the bedroom lol. But my mom seriously gets mad at me any time I try to bring up the subject so I am afraid to actually go for it and take him back to court because I am afraid that is going to cause problems between me and my mom. And yes I live with my parents so that is why I am so worried about it. Has anyone else been in this situation? I have no clue if I should just let it be since he obviously doesnt want anything to do with our son anyways or if I should hold him accountable and make him pay.

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:43 PM
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by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:48 PM
My sons father is in and out of his life. He's a deadbeat that likes to parade my kid around like a trophy during the holidays. He is in arrears. He will never sign his rights over but make my life a pain in the ass. I consider his arrears a great insurance policy against him. He doesn't want to sign the passport app so I can take DS on vacation? Fine, I'll go after arrears. I'm not an asshole, he is a control freak and his arrears levels the playing field.
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by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 10:05 PM

I have never been in this kind of position - simply because my son's dad does not live in the United States so it would be a major waste of my time trying to get him to pay for child support especially since my son is now 9 years old. I understand the suggestion of your mother - it's to keep him away from trying to fight back. My recommendation is to look at your current position - ask yourself if your happy with how things are now, though it is a ridiculous question to ask... but ask yourself if you really need for him to pay anything now??? The thing is, when your child turns 18 years old... he has the choice to sue his dad for never paying any type of support while he was growing. Or you can do that now.. Your son may not be able to handle what he will see you go through. Just make sure that whatever you decide to do that it is in the best interest of your child. I'm all for getting the most for your son and yes he does deserve a father who will support your son in every way possible. Keep your head up!!!

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 10:06 PM
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Don't talk to your mom about it anymore. Just do it. And he will probably go to jail for not paying that long. If your child needs the financial support you should pursue it.
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by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 10:32 PM
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It's tricky for sure. If you go after him, he may well decide to retaliate and start trying to see your child out of spite but not really being a good dad.

I agree that it's not up to your mom unless she'll be footing the legal fees- then you better listen to her.
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by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 10:43 PM

Yes I am worried that if I make him start paying that he will try to start seeing him more but at the same time I know that isnt going to be possible for him because he is an over the road truck driver gone for usually four to five weeks at a time then is only home for three of four days before going out again. He also only has visitation rights. I have full custody. So he can only see him three days a week for two hours each day and I have to be present. He is not allowed to be alone with him. But I am afraid he might try and get that changed if he has to start paying child support.

I know that I am able to care for my son on my own without his help but at the same time I can only do that because I live with my parents so I do not have to pay as much as normal for rent and I dont have to buy all of the groceries. I just feel that he should have to have some responsibilities in this. I have given up my entire life since getting pregnant and he has given up nothing.

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 11:04 PM
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Take him to court and dont tell her. Its none of her business and there is no reason she should know or have a say in what you do for YOUR child.

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 11:20 PM
The state will usually press charges against them once the arrears are over 10,000 dollars..
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by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 11:55 PM

My son just turned 8 years old last week.  My son's dad also hasn't had anything to do with him since the beginning.  I went to all the appointments by myself.  When I went into labor, he left the hospital and didn't come back.  We had to wait for a friend to graciously come give us a ride home.  I didn't want to take my son on the bus because it was the end of December, it was very cold out, and we had a bit of stuff that friends had dropped off.  When I filed for divorce I was awarded $25.00 monthly (this was 2008 - I had to find him to get him to sign the divorce paperwork).  Last year when I got laid off work I decided to put in a notice to change the amount paid.  I was awarded almost $200 monthly (I think).  Even though I don't get that money right now because he chooses not to work, I figure one day he will pay for it!!  I believe he should be held accountable.  I don't know if he'd ever sign away his rights (which I believe would stop child support) but I wish he would.  He chose to do drugs and have mistresses rather than be a good husband and father.

With all that said, I think you shouldn't talk to your mom since it upsets hert and just see what you can do for him to be held accountable.

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:07 AM

I know you love you mother....and its understandable. But honestly your child deserves to have support from both parents.  And its really not your mothers choice.  If she starts fighting with you or arguing with you tell her it is whats best for her grandchild.  And that making this hard on you and saying what she is saying is ultimantly hurting her grandchild.  Be rational, but it is your choice, and only yours.  Your not alone and you didnt make this child on your own.  But family is hard.  But your mother will always love you whether you do this or not.  Have you gone to ORS to see if they will garnish his checks instead of going back to court?

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:43 AM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

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